Anonymous wrote:This is not about gifts! You "apparently said something" that offended her. You apologized many times for "whatever" that was. That is NOT "full responsibility"! So wt heck was it? Tell us, in your own words, what upset your sister four years ago.

A lot of times, people who "have no idea why!!" others have issues with them, have been told exactly why.

And, gifts are nothing. I am sure she doesn't care about your gift. It sounds like you care about her giving you gifts, but don't care about how you offended her.

This. I don't bother with people who won't own up to the crappy things they do because they will continue doing those crappy things. There is nothing more pathetic than an adult who does something hurtful and then denies it. So many women do this.

OP, I agree that a step sibling relationship is a VERY highly-charged one. There can be all sorts of simmering resentments which never go away including jealousy of your relationship with their bio parent.

One thing I know for certain is there ARE people out there who will disconnect from you for no logical reason. My own sister is very toxic and manipulative and will cut people out of her life on a whim. She has done it to many people over her lifetime including our parents, other siblings, cousins, and friends. I'm on my most recent round of being on her sh!t-list.

There was absolutely no logical reason for how I wound up on there again. We were texting/talking one week and then she went completely silent.

She then reconnected with our brother who she had not spoken to in years and is now calling him and visiting him at least weekly. Prior to this, she swore she wanted nothing more to do with him and he would never darken her door again.

She is seriously twisted and I'm done with it.

Haven't heard from her in a year. Her pattern is she will probably find some reason to reconnect in another year or so. Probably when she finds some minutia our brother has done - some sort of misplaced word, look, gesture which she takes great offense to so she will cut him out and think she will circle back to me.

This is where she is in for a rude awakening. She's not welcome in my nor my family's life anymore. Done.

OP, I agree with the majority of the posters on choice A.

The one thing that bugged me about your initial recap of the issue was you being sorry for whatever it was that hurt her. If you had apologized to me in that tone and I was hurt/upset I might read it as you not really caring what you did. Just my take for your consideration in case you decide to give repairing the rift another try.

“I’m sorry. I know that I hurt you, deeply. I want to make it better. I love you and I miss you.”

She doesn’t want to repair the relationship with you. A but more importantly just leave her alone. She doesn’t like you which may seem harsh but lots of clear signs she doesn’t want you in her life.

A

Anonymous wrote:You're not asking about this, but I'd work on apologizing better than accepting "full responsibility for doing whatever it was that had upset her." Clearly she must have told you, but you haven't owned it. This is your problem.

+1 My take as well.

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the op who said give the gift the drop the rope. Down the address from your shared parent.

This was four years ago and sometimes you show love by letting go. Your sister knows where to find you when/if she is ready to talk.

People abs family dynamics, especially blended families, can be very complicated.

+1 Get her address from your step/parent, send it and then let it go.

I’m with the op who said give the gift the drop the rope. Down the address from your shared parent.

This was four years ago and sometimes you show love by letting go. Your sister knows where to find you when/if she is ready to talk.

People abs family dynamics, especially blended families, can be very complicated.

Op again-I’m not going to go too in depth explaining the whole backstory here or defending every wrong assumption. But, she actually is a step-sister, yes there has been on and off tension in our relationship for a long time, and no, I truly don’t know why she is upset. There was alcohol involved, and she did not act upset or “off” at any point in the weekend. Our relationship seemed fine through the family events leading up to the wedding, and it wasn’t until after that when we next saw her in person that she completely ignored me. To the person who said I should call and actually speak to her, not leave a vm, I tried. She won’t answer. And to the person aghast that I don’t have her address- I had her most recent one, but she left her lease early to travel, and now that she’s back I don’t know where she’s staying. And yes, I knew choice A was the right thing to do. But to be totally honest, I’m afraid that if I reach out and ask for the address, she won’t reply, because she hasn’t to anything else. And that will hurt, because I do love her, and I do want to repair the relationship.

Since your sister showed up at your garage party, I think their is a sliver of hope for reconciliation. By Dec 23rd, you KNEW the gift wouldn’t arrive, but you opted to not go out and pickup another gift. You had to know how this would be interpreted. Finally, when the gift arrives, actually drive it over to her front door. Apologize in person(not via email) and see if you can get anything details from her.

OP I have one of you as my sister. It actually doesn’t matter what you said. That was it, after years of putting up with it she was done. She goes through the motions to keep your parents happy but she really doesn’t care if you give her a gift or not. She doesn’t like you. She is your sister, not a friend or someone she would ever have in her life except she is forced to because of family.

What she has really done, and is driving you crazy, is take control of her relationship with you. It is now on her terms. Yes yes you will try to make her out to be the bad guy because she didn’t have gifts for you. Yep you will say thing to your parents because you think she is the mean one. But, really look at yourself. Then get back to us.

A