News flash, many of us do the same. We got so much plastic crap when the kids were little, and it mostly got donated right off the bat. Mine are both older now, but there was not one character / commercial toy ever in this house more than 24 hours. Trust me, they were not deprived. They had plenty of games, Legos, bikes, scooters, wooden toys, etc.

Get Melissa and Doug wooden puzzles, pretend play (kitchen, work bench, train table, dress up clothes), go to Barton's Child Play if you aren't sure what to get.

I am not clear on this -- you mean character toys or books with non BICOP characters, right? Like, would she throw our a car lego set?

This isn't hard, and isn't a big ask. Don't but toys for your nieces and nephews that don't look like them. Or stick to inanimate objects.

NOT HARD, and totally reasonable. Think about if you were in her position...or if your kids were.

- white lady

OP here. Thanks for the responses. I'll ask SIL and my brother what the kids want and need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter what race she is? Sounds like you’re airing a weird racial grievance when you include that info, like her children won’t be given an opportunity to “explore their white heritage” or something 😬

OP here. I just thought some people would ask about it, so I included it.

DP. Really??? Because in 9 out of 10 posts here on these boards the only times people bring up race is when they're not of that race. I think you've got a problem with your SIL and her race.

The answer is: buy gifts that your brother and SIL will approve of OR buy gift cards. Asking for a wish list sounds like a good idea.

I call troll. Any person with a modicum of sense would have asked her brother/SIL what gifts would be acceptable.

If you found out and she didn't tell you directly, then I don't think she did anything wrong. She's not obligated to have her kids play with toys that she doesn't want in her house.

It sounds like you're giving her annoying toys - popular plastic toys are usually annoying, and I wouldn't want them in my house either, regardless of race. Also, if they are popular and plastic, it doesn't sound like you put that much thought into them anyway. It sounds like you just went on amazon and picked the first junk you saw. I also don't know why you would give her stuff that doesn't reflect the race of her children?

There are so so so many other gifts you could buy them. I don't understand why this is a problem. But yea, maybe ask for a wish list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother bears equal responsibility for this decision. Why are you laying this at HER feet alone? Even if this is her preferences, he is co-signing it into family policy.

STOP BLAMING SILs/DILs when brothers/sons bear equal responsibility for family decisions and dynamics!

UGH, wake up and enter this century, please.

Dp. Sounds like sil is the only one throwing out the toys. I would agree with you if brother was also doing this but it doesnt sound like he is.

I would think that they could pass on the toys they didnt like to someone else instead of throwing them away.

Maybe when covid is over you csn give experience gifts like taking them to the movies

+1 a local zoo or something like the interactive science museum or something would be better. Or art supplies. Otherwise 529. Idk why the SIL is making such a big deal out of this. I had Barbies of all races and didn't care what they were. I still grew up and went to a prestigious school for STEM. My favorite Barbie sets were for a medical doctor and veterinarian.

I was picky about toys when my DS was younger for a lot of different reasons. As others have said, just ask her to list the toys she would like for the kids or put money in a college fund. Books make good gifts. Wooden puzzles, citibloks (wooden planks to build with), etc.

Stop giving them toy gifts.

Stop sending gifts. She clearly doesn't want them. My SIL was like this to us and my MIL. We all stopped sending them. Why waste the money?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL is controlling.

Or OP just doesn't like her and needs something to complain about.

Or SIL is the parent and is making choices that many parents on here make and talk about all the time!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother bears equal responsibility for this decision. Why are you laying this at HER feet alone? Even if this is her preferences, he is co-signing it into family policy.

STOP BLAMING SILs/DILs when brothers/sons bear equal responsibility for family decisions and dynamics!

UGH, wake up and enter this century, please.

Dp. Sounds like sil is the only one throwing out the toys. I would agree with you if brother was also doing this but it doesnt sound like he is.

I would think that they could pass on the toys they didnt like to someone else instead of throwing them away.

Maybe when covid is over you csn give experience gifts like taking them to the movies

My husband wouldn't stand for the kind of marriage where one person unilaterally decides what gifts actually get into the hands of recipients. If this husband CHOOSES to be checked-out, passive or allows this, that choice is still ON HIM.

Anonymous wrote:Your brother bears equal responsibility for this decision. Why are you laying this at HER feet alone? Even if this is her preferences, he is co-signing it into family policy.

STOP BLAMING SILs/DILs when brothers/sons bear equal responsibility for family decisions and dynamics!

UGH, wake up and enter this century, please.

Dp. Sounds like sil is the only one throwing out the toys. I would agree with you if brother was also doing this but it doesnt sound like he is.

I would think that they could pass on the toys they didnt like to someone else instead of throwing them away.

Maybe when covid is over you csn give experience gifts like taking them to the movies

If you know your SIL doesn’t like toys as gifts why persist in giving them?

I found out that my SIL ...

This is gossip. If you haven't seen it, with your own eyes, don't assume it's true
Too many problems assuming -- like these hard feelings you now have
Act as you would. Act like you never heard this. Act as before
Avoid gossip