Op.are you an orphan or raised by wolves? Is there no sensible parent or sibling that can tell you to get your head out of your ass.

You are at a vulnerable state when women get annoyed with their husbands because they are overwhelmed with the responsibility of the new baby and expe t their husbands to step up seamlessly so that everything is perfect in the household. This is your hormones talking.

If he leaves you, I can guarantee that he will be happier. The only person you will screw up is your kid.

Where there is no respect, there is no love. Where there is no love, there is no confidence. Where there is no confidence, there is no security. Where there is no security, there is no safety. Where there is danger, there is self-protection.

You have to love and respect each other for a healthy and happy marriage. Life is hard enough, your relationship should support your challenges in life, not complicate your trajectory or pace.

This can be fixed but you both have to want it and both have to improve different things. Sometimes the work is worth the outcome, sometimes it isn’t. I hope you can both find agreement on what that looks like and have agreement on how it can be resolved so you can both be happy moving forward in respect, love, and security in each other’s ability to help keep danger away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

LOL. So you're ready to explain to your daughter that the reason she has to shuffle between 2 households , deal with step parrents, step siblings.have siblings and all those complexities for the rest of her life is because her dad was not a mechanic and a plumber and this made mommy unhappy?

Well right. I worry a lot about that (the complexities). But the flip side is not how you described it but rather her seeing a marriage where the woman carries the burden of life so daddy can live as a child at her expense. I am sincerely not sure what is worse.

How is he living as a child if he has a job and is a good father? My DH is also not good at fixing cars or household items. But he has a good job so can afford to outsource. He’s a good dad and my soul mate. We are on the same team and bring our strengths together to reach our goals. Sounds like your marriage is more transactional and he didn’t live up to your expectations so you fell out of love. It’s cliche, but love is hard work. That is something you could model to your daughter. Thinking of each other as teammates and not adversaries.

I am glad you have a happy marriage and can afford to outsource from your husband’s income and that he acts like a teammate. That is not the case in my marriage as much as I wish it was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly baffled what your issue is. He makes big promises, like someday we’ll have a bigger house, and doesn’t deliver on your timeline? Some people like to rattle on about their dreams and goals, and if they aren’t bitter you are best not to take as promises.

You say he doesn’t handle life? So did he never live alone? Or is his way of doing things not to your standards. I’m conflicted as I met many man-babies but you haven’t convinced me.

I HATE the quality of overpromising and under delivering.

Verses under promising? There are a lot of people who think some low level of achievement is perfectly fine and even fail at that. I won't do the car maintenance but I'll fill up the gas tank when it gets to 1/4 or something like this. Verses. I want to have a really nice car for business that is well maintained and clean every day and the reality is that an oil change is missed and the baby spit up in the car once and you're having a hard time getting it out. Can't you just set up an ideal and a must have level and then just be happy if you surpass the must have level?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

LOL. So you're ready to explain to your daughter that the reason she has to shuffle between 2 households , deal with step parrents, step siblings.have siblings and all those complexities for the rest of her life is because her dad was not a mechanic and a plumber and this made mommy unhappy?

Well right. I worry a lot about that (the complexities). But the flip side is not how you described it but rather her seeing a marriage where the woman carries the burden of life so daddy can live as a child at her expense. I am sincerely not sure what is worse.

How is he living as a child if he has a job and is a good father? My DH is also not good at fixing cars or household items. But he has a good job so can afford to outsource. He’s a good dad and my soul mate. We are on the same team and bring our strengths together to reach our goals. Sounds like your marriage is more transactional and he didn’t live up to your expectations so you fell out of love. It’s cliche, but love is hard work. That is something you could model to your daughter. Thinking of each other as teammates and not adversaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

But I bet you turned your nose up at the guys who graduated trade school and have business bringing home more than you and your husband combined fixing up houses and cars. So sad for you OP.


Also, I'm going o go ahead and call troll now, the answers are too canned, but you all can entertain it for the next 50 pages.

I am not a troll. And my parents have a lucrative blue collar business so no I do not turn my nose up at that. You must be projecting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

LOL. So you're ready to explain to your daughter that the reason she has to shuffle between 2 households , deal with step parrents, step siblings.have siblings and all those complexities for the rest of her life is because her dad was not a mechanic and a plumber and this made mommy unhappy?

Well right. I worry a lot about that (the complexities). But the flip side is not how you described it but rather her seeing a marriage where the woman carries the burden of life so daddy can live as a child at her expense. I am sincerely not sure what is worse.

Op so he's basically a good guy but he isn't as successful as you want him to be?

Maybe because you won't accept anything that doesn't exactly match your expectations so he may as well not try?

He's a good guy with a job and a good father. Please divorce hmm and make some other woman very happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

What were you thinking OP?? If you can't marry a high earner than you at least need to marry someone useful and handy. Look like you picked neither.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

But I bet you turned your nose up at the guys who graduated trade school and have business bringing home more than you and your husband combined fixing up houses and cars. So sad for you OP.


Also, I'm going o go ahead and call troll now, the answers are too canned, but you all can entertain it for the next 50 pages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

You want a REAL man, but could get one so settled for beta sperm donor. Klassy

Well, what makes this hard is that I COULD shave gotten a “real man” - but I made the wrong choice for a whole host of reasons, some having to do with baggage from childhood and self esteem that I’ve since worked very hard to fix. Anyway, what’s done is done. But where do I go from here? Do I force myself to stomach feeling no respect and feeling disappointed or do I leave?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

LOL. So you're ready to explain to your daughter that the reason she has to shuffle between 2 households , deal with step parrents, step siblings.have siblings and all those complexities for the rest of her life is because her dad was not a mechanic and a plumber and this made mommy unhappy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give an example of what you mean by life’s big responsibilities? How is he not stepping up to those and how are you forced to fill in?

He doesn’t know the first thing about about maintaining anything having to do with our house or our cars, it all falls on me. And I make more money. And I work more hours.

Oh, so you are a time traveler from the 50s.

Lol. I want a partner not a child. Like all women.

You want a REAL man, but could get one so settled for beta sperm donor. Klassy

Hah! Never heard that saying before. Apt!

Anonymous wrote:OP, your happiness, your accomplishments, getting things done that you want to do, is largely not impacted by a spouse.

Are you a woman? I am very happy with myself and I really dislike having a spouse I do not respect or admire. I am resentful that he is perfectly ok with being a mediocre fantasy thinking complainer while I bust my ass and handle all things related to
our joint life. If I leave him and I will have the same burden but eliminate the resentment.

*better not baby