A family I know from my hometown went through a situation like this.

Son had mental health issues, got into drugs as a teenager, many attempts to help him with limited success, ended up in jail for dealing I believe.

Was part of a prison riot so his sentence got extended - his mother regularly visited with him, father took more of a tough love approach. He finally got out and he moved back in with them, shortly after was involved in a murder (drug related) and back to jail - father was done with him after this, mother was devasted. Ended up being killed in jail (I think he ratted someone out in the murder case).

It's a super sad situation - his siblings all turned out fine. They really believe that getting into drugs put him on the wrong path, and now focus their energy on telling his story to try and deter other kids from going down that path.

Anonymous wrote:I would be devastated. I’d question my parenting and what I did wrong for the rest of my life. I’d hold them accountable and wouldn’t defend their crimes. But no I would not disown them.

I would feel this way as well. I would forever wonder where I went wrong as a mom to have raised someone capable of crime.

So many times with rapists or murderers the parents seem to be in denial.

This reminds me of the Chris Watts documentary (killed his pregnant wife and two toddler daughters).

The scene where he is confessing was so jarring to me because his father is in the police station with him and rubbing his back/shoulders and holding his hand through the whole confession and detailing of his crimes. The father is incredibly visibly distraught, but still clearly providing support. I think that's the innate unconditional love of a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rape, incest, pedophilia, murder, kidnapping, violent crimes: absolutely.
White-collar crimes: depends.

What about a Bernie Madoff type fraud that destroyed the savings of many senior citizens?

Madoff’s sons denounced him, one committed suicide and the other died of cancer shortly thereafter. I don’t think I’d have much sympathy for such a vast crime.

Mark Madoff's suicide has always bothered me tremendously. He and his brother turned their father in as soon as he confessed to them, and I don't think there has ever been any evidence that he and Andrew were aware of what Bernie was doing. He was not at fault for his father's heinous actions and should not have paid the ultimate price like that. I hope Bernie Madoff feels fully responsible for his son's death. What a monster.

It would depend on what they did and why. If it was something like Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy, bye bye. Rape and pedophilia, probably the same. Carjacking, armed robbery, etc. I would love at arms' length and probably hope they could turn their lives around since those sorts of crimes tend to be predominantly young men. Drugs, I would be setting boundaries so as not to hurt them by enabling, but I would be trying to help.

And if they did something like murder an abuser or a rapist who had attacked them or my grandchildren, I would be an accessory after the fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rape, incest, pedophilia, murder, kidnapping, violent crimes: absolutely.
White-collar crimes: depends.

What about a Bernie Madoff type fraud that destroyed the savings of many senior citizens?

Madoff’s sons denounced him, one committed suicide and the other died of cancer shortly thereafter. I don’t think I’d have much sympathy for such a vast crime.

Depends on the law. You killed someone because they were going to kill you?? You killed the person who raped you? Good for you, honey - can I help you bury the body?

You raped someone? You drove drunk? You're dead to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be devastated. I’d question my parenting and what I did wrong for the rest of my life. I’d hold them accountable and wouldn’t defend their crimes. But no I would not disown them.

+1 this

+2

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/may/23/berlinah-wallace-jailed-years-sadistic-acid-attack-mark-van-dongen

If my child did something like this I would be the first advocating for life long imprisonment. And no, I wouldn't visit or ever contact them again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer, rapist, 9-11, a Timothy Mcveigh bombing. Yes I would.

Also, I would disown a child who worked worked for the Trump administration and would divorce DH of he worked for this evil man.

It’s sad that your children will never know unconditional love and acceptance. I despise trump. Thankfully, my children do as well. I would not disown them if they supported him.

Question: is there a point at which "unconditional love and acceptance" of a child becomes a crime against someone else?

Is it ethical NOT to disown someone who: raped babies, raped a sibling, murdered someone else's child, committed an act of mass terrorism, etc.?

Does NOT disowning someone who raped babies say something (bad) about your own code of ethics/worth as a human being? I think it does.

It is ethical not to disown them, more ethical than disowning them. You disown/hate their behavior but recognize every person has the possibility for redemption. I would love my kid unconditionally even if I hated their behavior/actions.

Anonymous wrote:Rape, incest, pedophilia, murder, kidnapping, violent crimes: absolutely.
White-collar crimes: depends.

What about a Bernie Madoff type fraud that destroyed the savings of many senior citizens?

We are going thru this within our family right now and it’s hard to rationalize that the person you’ve known as a kind, caring, always willing to help individual can commit a horrible crime. The parents are in absolute pieces. Seeing it first hand, I think you would fall into one of two areas - easily able to rationalize that your child can do something horrible to another human or unable to process that over the love you have for the child.

No I would not. I would be terribly ashamed, obviously. I read an essay by a parents of a school shooter (can’t remember which one) and she said addressed by saying: you can’t just turn off your love because your kid did something unthinkable.

My childhood friend’s brother (when he we in his 30s) kidnapped a woman, tortured her for days, then murdered her and disposed of the body. He will be in prison for the rest of his life.

I am not in contact but from what I understand his parents are in denial about his guilt, I guess that is how they square it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer, rapist, 9-11, a Timothy Mcveigh bombing. Yes I would.

Also, I would disown a child who worked worked for the Trump administration and would divorce DH of he worked for this evil man.

It’s sad that your children will never know unconditional love and acceptance. I despise trump. Thankfully, my children do as well. I would not disown them if they supported him.

Question: is there a point at which "unconditional love and acceptance" of a child becomes a crime against someone else?

Is it ethical NOT to disown someone who: raped babies, raped a sibling, murdered someone else's child, committed an act of mass terrorism, etc.?

Does NOT disowning someone who raped babies say something (bad) about your own code of ethics/worth as a human being? I think it does.