Anonymous wrote:It helps to add some witty comments and keep it light hearted...otherwise you might come across as bragging and smug.

" Jim got his PHD ("Piled High and Deeper") in aeroenginerring writing ad naseem about the Thermodynamic of Something-or-other (shhhhh, dont tell him I said that). If you ever find yourself trying to fix XYZ of a jet engine, give Jim a call".

....or something to that nature

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. Frame it as your family having some big changes this year -- PhD, job changes, moving, Larla started walking and Larlo learned how to do a headstand -- and don't worry about addressing rumors or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:I like the ones that are short and contain substantive info about the kids or adults. I like to know which of my friends kids are into theater or soccer or obsessed with Star Wars.
I have one relative that sends one of those Shutterfly multi page card with a summary that sounds like a college application ... “We were blessed to spend spring break in the Carribean again, and decided we loved Italy so much last time that we returned there for summer vacation! Larlo’s travel soccer team did so well that they were invited to tour Germany and of course I had to volunteer to chaperone! Karla has given up soccer to focus on her beloved theater and was chosen to play the lead in a community production of Cabaret as well as her school production of Beauty and the Beast. We are so proud!”
Don’t be that person and you’ll be fine.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP! I am wondering if you have written a draft letter yet? If not, I think that writing one might help you sort out your feelings about it. Write it, set it aside, read it again, and think about who you're trying to reach and what you're trying to accomplish. Also, having written one, is it something you feel you want to keep up each year, or just this year? Anyway, after you've written it and thought it through, you can decide if you want to send it.

I am not against Christmas letters. My uncle has included one in his cards for many years, maybe 30+ years. I save and treasure them, actually. His Christmas letter works, in spite of the fact that he is very rich and fancy, because he is a brilliant, funny and self-deprecating writer. He includes both the good and bad, so over the years, he has written about his child being receiving a terrible diagnosis, for example, among other things like his family's travel. The letter makes me laugh and cry every year. I read it out loud to my family -- it's a tradition. So anyway, I think there's a way to do a really great Christmas letter or even just a fine one.

I am really sorry about your mother. I have a similar mother and I empathize strongly. It sounds like you cut off contact with her, is that correct? If the letter gets into her hands, or if other relatives discuss it with her, that might trigger her into a whole new round of crazy, right? So it could backfire. Who are these people who you hope to sway? Do you have real relationships with them? Maybe let them go. Remember it's "not your business what other people think about you." Even if it's based on lies. I would hope you could really truly detach from that and build your own family/friend group and never worry about your mom's again. Look at your Christmas card list. Who really needs to be on it?

Anonymous wrote:"Happy Holidays! 2020 has been full of changes for us. Bob earned his Ph.D and he and I both have switched jobs. We also moved to Whoville this summer so we have been navigating a new house, new schools and new jobs. We are grateful to be healthy and adjusting well to our new hometown. We miss you all and hope to see you in person in 2021."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are an MD and DH is a PHD and your family member is making things up why feel a need to combat it at all? My mother is delusional so I know what I’m talking about here- live your life without any consideration for what this person is saying. You are not the only person they are making up stories about. Write a family letter ONLY if YOU WANT to.

+1 I actually like getting the newsletters but you should realize that if you're a Ph.D./MD family with young kids people already know that the family crackpot is talking nonsense when she says you're a drug addict that she supports financially. There's nothing to combat on that front so I'd just try to forget it entirely.

Op here. You would think that but there are many people in the family who are definitely unsure of what to believe and sort of believe that I am a crazy mean abusive mentally ill person. In my case it’s my mother who is the family member spreading the rumors, she’s been doing it for many years, she’s rich, charming, and charismatic and even if people don’t literally believe I’m in prison, I think they think where there’s smoke there’s fire. I’ve been ostracized from 3/4ths of the family because of her lies. It’s a campaign that has spanned over a decade on her part and predated my marriage, education, career, etc. I think it was easy to believe when I was in my early 20s. I’m in my mid 30s now but don’t have a lot of contact with most of the family so I don’t think they really know much about my life.