Anonymous
Post 12/19/2020 21:31     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Anonymous wrote:For those that terminated third pregnancy, how did you come to the decision? Specifically would love to her from people who thought they wanted another and then changed their mind when they were pregnant?
This may just be a recurrent of PPA that I dealt with after both kids, but even so, I’m not sure I can handle these feelings again.


NP and I just scheduled an appointment to terminate my 3rd. I'm sure i would love the child if it was here, but i'm also sure i'm already running on low and i'd be an exhausted, short tempered mom with another child. it became apparent when just morning sickness made me such a worse mom and a 3rd would definitely break my marriage b/c it became clear my husband is unable or unwilling to take on more.

I am going to one of the private ultrasound places first to take a look and have a little time to think about it and be sure. I live in a place with an entirely unnecessary law that you have to take the first pill in the clinic (hoping that women will freak out and then not want to make another appointment) so i want to be sure when i go in.

just sharing that you're not alone. in my research on this i found that 60% of women who seek an abortion already have children and that 99% of women don't regret their abortion 5 years later. so that's a whole lot of moms that terminated an additional pregnancy and are at peace with that decision
Anonymous
Post 12/14/2020 09:16     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
For those that terminated third pregnancy, how did you come to the decision? Specifically would love to her from people who thought they wanted another and then changed their mind when they were pregnant?
This may just be a recurrent of PPA that I dealt with after both kids, but even so, I’m not sure I can handle these feelings again.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 21:14     Subject: Help! Regretting TTC
Op, that long term pang could be you never forgive yourself. It's a life. Speak to someone who knows you in real life.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 20:51     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Anonymous wrote:I'm not for or against you terminating. But, I think you should speak with a therapist before making any other life changing decisions because it's clear you're currently incapable of making the best life decisions at the moment. Speaking to a professional can really help.


Agree. You’re all over the place OP. Talk to someone before you do anything.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 22:00     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Where did the posts go
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 15:36     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
I'm not for or against you terminating. But, I think you should speak with a therapist before making any other life changing decisions because it's clear you're currently incapable of making the best life decisions at the moment. Speaking to a professional can really help.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 15:14     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your insight. I am so conflicted but this is helping me process. Right now protecting my kids is resonating the most with me. I have only talked to one friend about this. She doesn’t understand why I wasn’t having these feelings before because I have known these things about my husband/marriage. The only thing I can think of is it’s the difference between my heart and my head. I feel so irresponsible and lost.


I'm so sorry that you are going through this. The fact that you are struggling so much to make a decisions shows just how much you care about your family. I am hoping for 3, but I've heard that going from 2 to 3 can be quite challenging and even more so with a spouse who is unreliable. A spouse with substance abuse issues is serious and I hope that he gets help in order to be a good parent.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 14:36     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
OP here. Thanks for your insight. I am so conflicted but this is helping me process. Right now protecting my kids is resonating the most with me. I have only talked to one friend about this. She doesn’t understand why I wasn’t having these feelings before because I have known these things about my husband/marriage. The only thing I can think of is it’s the difference between my heart and my head. I feel so irresponsible and lost.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 11:54     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Of course I’m pregnant. Ugh. For the people who terminated, did you ever go on to want more kids?
The component I left out of the original post is that my marriage is shaky. My husband has some substance issues that he refuses to acknowledge. He says he is excited, but I’m so scared to be in that vulnerable
Place (pregnancy, post partum, infant hood) with him.
I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it and that he will go off the deep end, which my current children don’t deserve.


Hi OP. What an update. I just found out today that I'm pregnant with my 3rd. We were not TTC but obviously didn't use protection the one time we had sex mid-cycle (and I needed fertility treatments to get pregnant with the first 2...). I'm not sure how I feel, other than overwhelmed, anxious and confused. Honestly, I'm contemplating termination, DH would support that if I felt strongly but said he'd be really sad. And I don't know how I feel. In your situation, with a DH who is excited but whose long term support you can't count on... well... I'd be even more anxious and more likely to seriously consider termination. I have two wonderful, healthy kids and we feel so so lucky as it is to have even had them. I know I might have a long term pang about terminating, but I also know that I'll forever feel lucky for what I have. But if I let this pregnancy go on much longer the option of terminating feels less approachable. I don't know what we'll do, but I feel for you in your situation and hope you find peace with whatever you choose.


In your shoes I wouldn’t but would absolutely understand someone else making a different choice. The beauty of having a choice! I know I wouldn’t terminate unless there was a health issue, despite having two perfect kiddos already and really zero desire for more. I would however probably cry for awhile but I think deep down it would not be the end of the world (we are financially comfortable and while it would be a time stretch and prob one of us takes a career step back we could handle it. If we could not it would be a diff discussion)
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 11:51     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
If your marriage is shaky with a 3 and 5 yo old then in your shoes I would terminate. Sad, but true. I would not want to risk being divorced with three very young children and an ex husband with potential substance abuse issues he would not acknowledge. I’m sorry OP. Work on fixing your marriage before you try again. Put your earth side children first
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 10:12     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Of course I’m pregnant. Ugh. For the people who terminated, did you ever go on to want more kids?
The component I left out of the original post is that my marriage is shaky. My husband has some substance issues that he refuses to acknowledge. He says he is excited, but I’m so scared to be in that vulnerable
Place (pregnancy, post partum, infant hood) with him.
I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it and that he will go off the deep end, which my current children don’t deserve.


In your shoes (at least with the info you said here) I'd terminate. You may or may not end up wanting more kids down the road, but even if you end up wanting them and not being able to have them, I don't think you'll regret protecting your family and not having one in this situation. Wish things had been different maybe and feel wistful about that, but not regret the decision given the circumstances
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 10:10     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Of course I’m pregnant. Ugh. For the people who terminated, did you ever go on to want more kids?
The component I left out of the original post is that my marriage is shaky. My husband has some substance issues that he refuses to acknowledge. He says he is excited, but I’m so scared to be in that vulnerable
Place (pregnancy, post partum, infant hood) with him.
I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it and that he will go off the deep end, which my current children don’t deserve.


Hi OP. What an update. I just found out today that I'm pregnant with my 3rd. We were not TTC but obviously didn't use protection the one time we had sex mid-cycle (and I needed fertility treatments to get pregnant with the first 2...). I'm not sure how I feel, other than overwhelmed, anxious and confused. Honestly, I'm contemplating termination, DH would support that if I felt strongly but said he'd be really sad. And I don't know how I feel. In your situation, with a DH who is excited but whose long term support you can't count on... well... I'd be even more anxious and more likely to seriously consider termination. I have two wonderful, healthy kids and we feel so so lucky as it is to have even had them. I know I might have a long term pang about terminating, but I also know that I'll forever feel lucky for what I have. But if I let this pregnancy go on much longer the option of terminating feels less approachable. I don't know what we'll do, but I feel for you in your situation and hope you find peace with whatever you choose.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2020 09:50     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
OP here. Of course I’m pregnant. Ugh. For the people who terminated, did you ever go on to want more kids?
The component I left out of the original post is that my marriage is shaky. My husband has some substance issues that he refuses to acknowledge. He says he is excited, but I’m so scared to be in that vulnerable
Place (pregnancy, post partum, infant hood) with him.
I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it and that he will go off the deep end, which my current children don’t deserve.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2020 14:57     Subject: Help! Regretting TTC
You can get an iud put in I think up to 5 days after sex to prevent pregnancy.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2020 13:33     Subject: Re:Help! Regretting TTC
your chances are low. Even with a best case scenario you only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each cycle.