Anonymous wrote:It's completely okay to be sad about it -- but you are only 39 and life isn't over yet. If you really want kids, I would say have one on your own, but understand that it will likely put off the chances that you will also be married in the near future. I hit 39 with the same choices, and while I really wanted a partner and a child, it wasn't on the cards at that moment in time, and I felt that if I held out for both 'in the proper order', the odds were good that I would end up with neither. So I had the child on my own, which was great, but it took me a long time to get over the anger of not having a partner -- raising a child alone is a slog, and it is lonely -- your child is not your companion.

Whoa, , totally different experience here. I too became a mom at 39 when I adopted my daughter -- 14 months old. A slog? I've never had more fun; my daughter is now 11. Because I was hanging out with other moms and meeting so many new people my dating life opened up exponentially. The cute part is that when someone fixed me up with their brother or best friend's cousin or whoever, they would always say "Just say yes. I'll babysit for Susie for free." They really wanted me to meet the guy! Some of the guys have been great, but I just wasn't convinced of marriage yet. I have fixed some of those guys up with friends of mine. I would say becoming a mom has been *the best* way for me to meet men.

I had a baby

I still hope to get married later in life.

At 39, you still have a lot of years left to get married. I think the only thing you need to make peace with right now is whether you want biological children. Would you become a solo parent? Be open to donor egg if you meet someone in your 40s? Be fulfilled being a stepparent? Okay never parenting? That's the only thing you need wrestle with now. The rest... you have time.

I was married for 18 years and I can definitely say it’s overrated. Have fun, engage in relationships of your choosing. Find things that you enjoy. I really think that being singe is way better than being married. Dual income is nice but that’s about the only upside in my opinion.

The grass is not always greener and having been there, done that I can honestly say that, for me at least, being single is much more preferable.

Find your hobbies, join clubs if you want, travel. Friend things that make you happy. You can always fit someone else in around your life if you want. But being married can really be a drag.

Anonymous wrote:Kamala met Doug in her 40s!

+1 was just about to say... if anything look at Kamala.

Anonymous wrote:Kamala met Doug in her 40s!

😍

Kamala met Doug in her 40s!

Op I think I’d like to offer some perspective that 1 39 is not old ( not even to become a first time mom) 2 you don’t have a crystal ball and your future is yours for the making. Don’t speak closure at such an age. 3 we are in a pandemic so it’s very easy to feel the doom/gloom of life. Have hope- have the courage to hope and 4 count the relationships you currently have ( non romantic) and previous relations( romantic) as parts of your life that are rich, part of your story but won’t ever define you. You want to know how you can be okay being single BE OKAY BEING SINGLE. We don’t know what tomorrow holds for us. Live in the present and find something anything to have joy about, and that joy will bring you partner that says to themselves this is the person I want to spend 30 or 40 or forever with great bad and horrendous. Be content but have hope. The universe wants for you what you want for yourself. Keep on living.

Honestly if you don’t have a burning desire to have a baby I think the single life can be great. You are the master of your own ship and that’s pretty awesome.

For one, marriage is overrated. It's pretty rare to find someone worth staying married to for the long haul.
For two, you have the rest of your life to find someone if you really want to be married. You can also lower your standards to marry anyone, but that won't make you happier.

You could be social quaranting with an awful spouse right now. I am sure there are many married people that are quite envious of you.

You haven't found someone you want to marry yet, therefore you have nothing to regret. But you might regret living your life pining away for some imaginary ideal relationship that does not exist. There is no destination; live your life to the fullest right now.

My sister got married at 40. There’s no reason that you will be single forever if you don’t want to be. But as another poster said, it is lovely being in a happy loving marriage, however it is better being single than in a mediocre or bad marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I could have written this post. I too am 39 and single. I spent yesterday insanely depressed about it. Away from my family and thinking about what a failure I am while my friends are surrounded by their husbands and babies. I like to think I am ok, but I am not. Feel like a total failure. I froze my eggs when I was in my mid 30s which was good but not really looking to be a single parent. You are not alone. Hang in there.

+1 (except for the frozen eggs but that’s a great idea)

Agree, PP. Holidays are very hard!

But as a single 40yo M, I feel a little bit better knowing there are thoughtful, articulate women still out there (assuming posters in this thread are w).

I could have written this, but also I could have written the other post about being more OK lately about being single, and how these pandemic times have taken the pressure off. It's hard. I hate feeling the judgment of others but then I remind myself it's better than a bad marriage... I guess. I don't even know why I care what other people think and honestly, it's getting less and less every day. I have no advice other than to tell you you're not alone. I'm just going to do what I want from now on and not stress. If it happens, great, if it doesn't I probably will miss out on some great things but also be able to skip bad things too.


Yesterday was hard for me too. The holidays are hard.