Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 16:00     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.


So is heterosexuality a choice as well?


Sure, why not?


And how old were you when you consciously decided to be straight?


14
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2020 15:59     Subject: Both of my children gay or bi
That’s one messed up family!
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2020 19:32     Subject: Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s true that a lot of kids are experimenting with identity and trying on these labels as a teen is trendy right now. That said, I think if kids are actually having relationships then it is well beyond trying on a label. OP is describing her kids as both actually dating someone, not just “coming out” to friends or parents verbally without any non-theoretical attraction. The Kinsey Scale being what it is, I think a lot of kids these days will feel attraction to someone or will feel like they don’t fit a cis stereotype and will jump on the bandwagon of declaring “Oh, I must be bisexual/nonbinary/whatever!” Many of those kids grow up a little and start to actually date and interact with people and may realize, “Oh, just because I am artistic and don’t like sports doesn’t mean I am nonbinary. I can be a cis man and still like what I like.” Or “Oh, just because I feel attracted to Ruby Rose or Kristen Stewart in theory doesn’t mean that I am bisexual, because in real life the only people I actually want to date are men.”


This. As a gen-Xer, this ultra-labeling is the exact opposite of our generation. When I was in HS/college, the trend was to NOT label yourself gay or straight. The thinking was that sexuality is a spectrum and we are all somewhere on the spectrum. I know a lot of people who experimented with same sex and enjoyed it. Most ended up in opposite sex relationships and a few in same sex. These days, kids feel so pressured to label themselves. My son is 14. He has never even been kissed. He has labeled himself bisexual/homoromantic. I had to look that term up. Many of the kids in his friend group are not straight. I don’t know if he is going along with the crowd or if that’s his crowd because he relates to them.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2020 19:20     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.


So is heterosexuality a choice as well?


Sure, why not?


And how old were you when you consciously decided to be straight?


People keep asking this question thinking it’s a gotcha. Here’s the thing. Most people are straight. So when most people have their first hetero experience, it does confirm that they are straight. Others grow up thinking they are straight and have their first hetero experience and think...hmmm...didn’t like that. They realize after some experience that they are gay. So actually, yes. There is a time when we confirm that we are straight.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:20     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.


So is heterosexuality a choice as well?


Sure, why not?


And how old were you when you consciously decided to be straight?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:19     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.


I agree with this. For some people it is not a choice, but others are less rigid about attraction to a particular sex and can make a choice.

I think the language about homosexuality not being a choice was important in the fight for equal rights because some hetero people who were against equality could be persuaded that it's not fair to treat people differently based on things they don't control (e.g., race). Now that, thankfully, equality has been cemented in law, hopefully this is not as much of an issue and we can acknowledge more openly that sexuality is a spectrum and people fall all along the spectrum and some are flexible enough to have more of a conscious decision-making process about where they land. And yes, I'm including gay, hetero, queer, and everyone else in my opinion.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:16     Subject: Both of my children gay or bi
I know a family, 2 sons, both gay. It took their mother a moment to get over never having a "daughter" (she was excited about a future DIL) and then neither wanted children, so she had to work out her feelings about that too.

But now both sons are middle aged and everyone seems pretty happy! You adjust and shift and accept.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:12     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.


So is heterosexuality a choice as well?


Sure, why not?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:10     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.


So is heterosexuality a choice as well?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:08     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:I know several families who have more than one gay child. My sister's wife has 2 gay siblings (out of 4 siblings total), meaning 3 of the 5 kids are gay. These are people in their late 30s who have faced serious hardships because of their sexuality; it is not a fad. It is possible that having a sibling come out could make another sibling feel safe to come out, but that does not mean the sibling isn't actually gay.

Being gay is not a choice, and so makes sense that it would run in families like many other traits do.


I think for the most part you are correct however, I think for some it can be a choice. There is nothing wrong with it being a choice btw.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:04     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous[b wrote:]My wife is gay and so is her sister. [/b]We are all in our 40s now and happily married. Might be a fad, who knows. It certainly can happen though.


Why don't you count yourself as gay too?

Anonymous
Post 12/03/2020 11:00     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:People are going to jump all over me for this comment but in my personal observation, teens deciding they are bi or gay has become very much a fad. It’s the modern day version of rebelling in a safe way. Many of my teens friends have decided they are bi. Many became straight after some time in college.



BS
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2020 23:38     Subject: Both of my children gay or bi
*or even most
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2020 23:38     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought it was well known by now that there’s a genetic component. I know a family of 11 children. 7 of them were gay or lesbian. And they’re now in their 50s-70s, so long before it was “a fad” to be queer.


Religious? Strong potential for abuse there, which can affect LGBTQ status. Grew up in the Catholic Church? Even more likely. There are likely some families where the gay gene is just really strong, some kids who are “trying it out” due to social factors and family acceptance, and there are likely some families where there is abuse at home or in the community that may be a factor in the epigenetics of being LGBTQ.


Do you have citations for this claim? It seems incredibly homophobic (people are gay because of being abused? really?) but I am open to being proven wrong.


No. Honestly it is anecdotal based on my LGBTQ friends, and I didn’t mean for it to sound homophobic. I do not think all or even gay people were abused, but I do think that early sexual experiences can affect sexuality as adults, including gender of partners chosen, existence of boundaries, etc. Was just proposing that there could be more factors beyond a gay gene going on in sibling groupings. Maybe it is just the gene.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2020 15:10     Subject: Re:Both of my children gay or bi
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought it was well known by now that there’s a genetic component. I know a family of 11 children. 7 of them were gay or lesbian. And they’re now in their 50s-70s, so long before it was “a fad” to be queer.


Religious? Strong potential for abuse there, which can affect LGBTQ status. Grew up in the Catholic Church? Even more likely. There are likely some families where the gay gene is just really strong, some kids who are “trying it out” due to social factors and family acceptance, and there are likely some families where there is abuse at home or in the community that may be a factor in the epigenetics of being LGBTQ.


Do you have citations for this claim? It seems incredibly homophobic (people are gay because of being abused? really?) but I am open to being proven wrong.