Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:31     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.


Why would you get a hotel for him if he has an apartment? He has a place to live, OP. He can choose to stay there or follow your rules and come home.

I’d let him come if he was willing to stay home (at his apartment) for 10 days, get a PCR test, and then wait at apartment for negative result until coming home. But if he doesn’t want to stop his comings and goings, it sounds like Christmas in Indiana for him.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:28     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How was this handled over the summer.

I don't think grandma gets priority 365 days a year. She got September - November. Now she needs to step aside so your son can come home Nov-January.

Then when your son goes back, she can be the priority.

What is your relationship with your mom, has it always been so enmeshed.


yeah something weird about OP - makes me wonder if this is actually her stepchild?

if he agrees to take a test and only socialize safely (masks, outdoors) then OP is being pretty extreme.


Oh good call.. her mom, his kid.

That makes more sense.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:26     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was following the testing thread for students getting tested. My very elderly mother lives with us so I have told my son he can’t come home for Thanksgiving. His school is closing until the new year so I was planning on putting him in a hotel until mid December just in case then let him home for Christmas. We are disagreeing though about his ability to leave the house once he gets home. We are strictly quarantining. No grocery stores, no restaurants, no nothing. My DS is an only child so we aren’t dealing with small children at home that need to get out. He said he doesn’t want to adhere to the stay at home rules so I am thinking of just telling him to figure out what he wants to do on his own. He is 20 so not a child. Am I too harsh?


Is your condition that he literally cannot leave the house at all? That’s not rational.


Yes... that is what she wants... No grocery stores, no restaurants, no nothing
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:19     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:I was following the testing thread for students getting tested. My very elderly mother lives with us so I have told my son he can’t come home for Thanksgiving. His school is closing until the new year so I was planning on putting him in a hotel until mid December just in case then let him home for Christmas. We are disagreeing though about his ability to leave the house once he gets home. We are strictly quarantining. No grocery stores, no restaurants, no nothing. My DS is an only child so we aren’t dealing with small children at home that need to get out. He said he doesn’t want to adhere to the stay at home rules so I am thinking of just telling him to figure out what he wants to do on his own. He is 20 so not a child. Am I too harsh?


Is your condition that he literally cannot leave the house at all? That’s not rational.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:19     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:How was this handled over the summer.

I don't think grandma gets priority 365 days a year. She got September - November. Now she needs to step aside so your son can come home Nov-January.

Then when your son goes back, she can be the priority.

What is your relationship with your mom, has it always been so enmeshed.


yeah something weird about OP - makes me wonder if this is actually her stepchild?

if he agrees to take a test and only socialize safely (masks, outdoors) then OP is being pretty extreme.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:14     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
How was this handled over the summer.

I don't think grandma gets priority 365 days a year. She got September - November. Now she needs to step aside so your son can come home Nov-January.

Then when your son goes back, she can be the priority.

What is your relationship with your mom, has it always been so enmeshed.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:09     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd put my mom in the hotel.


Seriously? Grandma has to go into a hotel because the son is selfish?


Grandma never trumps immediate family.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 09:08     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
What does your son say when you point out that him coming and going may put his grandmother at risk?
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 08:58     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:He's an adult with apartment. Follow rules at home or stay at the apartment. It's not that he will be homeless.


I agree with this. It is his choice and he is lucky to have these choices. My only DD19 is coming home tomorrow. Chicago to Denver. I am scared enough of the exposure she will get flying. So is she.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 08:55     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:I'd put my mom in the hotel.


Seriously? Grandma has to go into a hotel because the son is selfish?
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 08:54     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If he has an apartment, he stays there. Why the drama?


Because all his friends/family/everybody is leaving town.


So then he can man up and follow house rules so he doesn’t kill grandma. His choice.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 08:27     Subject: Re:Anyone not letting college students come home?
I'd put my mom in the hotel.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 08:26     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
Anonymous wrote:If he has an apartment, he stays there. Why the drama?


Because all his friends/family/everybody is leaving town.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 07:36     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
It’s only one Holiday season. Vaccine will be out soon. Let him stay in Indiana.
Anonymous
Post 11/23/2020 07:27     Subject: Anyone not letting college students come home?
I am on team stay away. We face a similar dilemma, except, 1)DD will follow the quarantine rules at home, 2) she is in a dorm that is closed, 3) she was tested last week, and 4) her school did not have any significant outbreak during the semester.

Our risk is related to me -- chemo suppresses the immune system, and I just started last week. And just to be clear, delaying chemo through the break would be fatal.

DD arrived home yesterday. (DW picked her up).