Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, k. I’ll get right on that.

Why did you even post if you didn't want feedback? What feedback did you think you would get? "No just hit him harder"? People are telling you to read books because they will help with the PROBLEM YOU ASKED FOR HELP WITH.

You need to calm down.

We certainly say no in a stern voice for hitting and throwing food and trying to stand in high chair. 15 months old. Sometimes she cries at the no. Happens. But we use it only for those things. I also take her hand away if shes hitting, take food away and tell her to "sit" nicely when shes standing in high chair. Worked with my 4.5 year old.

Get The Everyday Parenting Toolkit from Alan Kazdin. He’s the head of the Yale Parenting Group, and former head of the APA. I have found his techniques to be enormously helpful with both children.

TL/DR: you can’t punish, but you can use positive attention to increase desired behaviors. Read the book to find out how.

Anonymous wrote:Lol, k. I’ll get right on that.

Why did you even post if you didn't want feedback? What feedback did you think you would get? "No just hit him harder"? People are telling you to read books because they will help with the PROBLEM YOU ASKED FOR HELP WITH.

Anonymous wrote:Redirect. He's not laughing in defiance of you. His simple mind is entertained. Maybe you look funny when your mad?

Anonymous wrote:Lol, k. I’ll get right on that.

You consulted dcum, obviously you need help.

Lol, k. I’ll get right on that.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, all. Good tips.

And for those who shamed me for lightly slapping his hands or insinuating that I think this toddler behavior makes him a bad person, please understand that I am beyond obsessed with him, not irritated by him or think he's a bad kid. If anything, I thought I'd be better at being stern, and I'm concerned I'm more of a pushover than I thought I would be because I love him so much and think everything he does is cute.

My motivations for asking how to discipline him is that I want him to grow up safely and with confidence, and be polite and well-mannered for his own sake. It's not that I'm so annoyed by him and think children should be seen and not heard.

Redirecting and staying calm sound like good approaches.

Yeah right. People who are “beyond obsessed” with their kids don’t slap them. You absolutely should be shamed for slapping an 18 month old. Please go read some books or take a class.

Anonymous wrote:My pediatrician told me to limit "no!" to really serious stuff, like running in the street. Otherwise she said they start to ignore it. She said otherwise we should do things like "we eat our food. Food is not for throwing."

Also, just try and avoid the situations as much as possible. If they are throwing their food, for example, give them just one bite at a time. If they are climbing on chairs to get to the table, just get rid of the chairs for awhile.

This all would've sounded silly to me with my first child, but my second child is like OP's. "No" just isn't working right now.

In addition to the above:

One thing about toddlers (1 and young 2 year old children) is that they hear the LAST WORD of the sentence. You know how they are repeating that last word right now as they learn language? you say "We're going to go on a walk." and they say "walk". right. So you need the last word of your sentence be what you WANT THEM TO DO. it takes a bit of time to learn this, (toddler teachers are good at this if they are good teachers) .... so you say

Please walk. (rather than don't run)
Feet on the floor! (instead of no climbing)

Also, keep your phrases short - not "please keep your feet on the floor so you don't fall." or "if you keep throwing things off your tray I am going to take your plate away, did you hear me? Just Feet on the floor. Food on your plate.

Then, they are easily distracted at this age ("squirrel!" so if they are heading to something you won't want them to touch AND you can't get rid of it (electrical sockets and plugs) then you say "ooh, look at THIS! and shake the thing you just grabbed (toy, plastic box, your keys, whatever). USE their easy distractability to your advantage right now!

And, yes, try to remove the things they love to do that are unsafe. Understand they are trying to figure out their world, and cause and effect, so throwing food off the tray and watching it hit the floor is fun - they are seeing if all things fall the same way, if it happens the same way every time, and even "will Mom/Dad get angry this time if I do it like last time or not? So give them less on their tray. usually a hungry baby and toddler will tuck into their meal quickly and not toss stuff - when s/he gets to the tossing overboard stage you can be probably assured that s/he is full and can get down. Take most of the stuff off the tray, keep 2 pieces on the tray, if those both go overboard, get the baby down, wash hands and move on! Not in a negative, punitive way, just a "you must be done" kind of way.

Honestly, they aren't trying to piss you off - just are little scientists trying to figure out their world - but man, it's frustrating when their food hits the floor, or they try to pull the lamp cord off the table for the 4 millionth time!

also, remember that "discipline" isn't really what you are going for in these early years - you are going for "guidance" and "self-discipline." So guide them to do what you want, not disciplining because they didn't

OP here. Thanks, all. Good tips.

And for those who shamed me for lightly slapping his hands or insinuating that I think this toddler behavior makes him a bad person, please understand that I am beyond obsessed with him, not irritated by him or think he's a bad kid. If anything, I thought I'd be better at being stern, and I'm concerned I'm more of a pushover than I thought I would be because I love him so much and think everything he does is cute.

My motivations for asking how to discipline him is that I want him to grow up safely and with confidence, and be polite and well-mannered for his own sake. It's not that I'm so annoyed by him and think children should be seen and not heard.

Redirecting and staying calm sound like good approaches.

Anonymous wrote:19 month olds don't misbehave. They are in a development stage where they are exploring their worlds, testing boundaries and "what happens if I do x?". They are not willfully misbehaving, they literally don't have a concept of that. You need to set boundaries and teach them what the rules are. And for the love of god don't hit your baby.

+ 1,000,000. 19 months is so incredibly young. If you’re slapping hands now, what next? Stop your behavior and re-evaluate. I know it’s hard with a first child, especially if you have no experience with little ones before now. Please take the redirect advice so many have posted here. You may be frustrated beyond belief at times, but all of your hard work will pay off in the long run.

With our 17 month old, we explain quickly "no, don't rip the book, be gentle" or "no, don't hit your brother, be gentle." We use the word "gentle" a lot and when she demonstrates the gentle action, we give a ton of praise.

Redirecting works too but no learning takes place that way (although once you've briefly explained, do move on, their attention span is short)!

19 month olds don't misbehave. They are in a development stage where they are exploring their worlds, testing boundaries and "what happens if I do x?". They are not willfully misbehaving, they literally don't have a concept of that. You need to set boundaries and teach them what the rules are. And for the love of god don't hit your baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time out for 2 min solo in crib with no toys after three warnings. Worked perfectly for 1.5-2.

I do not recommend this. Time outs are no longer supported by most child development folks, there are other strategies you can use. See post above

I disagree and 100% recommend trying it as an effective measure. We did this too and it worked beautifully for our son. We just have to ask him now “do you need to go to timeout?” if misbehaving and 90% of the time he says no and stops jumping on the couch or whatever. For some children this is easy peasy and works so it’s most definitely a great option for many kids.

No! We don’t hit our loved ones! Op, check out the book “hands are not for hitting, sounds like you need a refresher.