Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has been this way for generations.

No, it has not. Maybe for working class women, yes. But for middle to upper middle to upper class women, no. My mother's generation was not expected to hold a professional full-time job outside the home and be a mother. Now it is expected that women do both. It completely sucks. Men do not do their share of domestic work and in many families both men and women work outside the home. The result is that the mom has two full-time jobs. This did not happen in previous generations. Women were not expected to be equal or close to equal providers and raise children at the same time.

I mean...you can still be a stay-at-home wife if you want. There’s no law that you have to work.

Oh - you can’t afford three annual vacations to Greece and Thailand and the Alps without working + two cars + college for three kids. Oh well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why you put up wit this. I do the lions share of "administrative" stuff when it comes to the kids (making appts, buying clothes etc) but he does all the cooking, yard work, and stuff around the house. It ends up being a really even split. It's never been a point of discussion; it just happened. Not sure how much it has to do with the fact that he was raised by a no-nonsense single mom or that we didn't marry until he was in his early 40s and he'd been living alone for 20 years. I wouldn't put up with anything less than an even split.

Yes, that absolutely has everything to do with it. He is rare.

+1 That is exceedingly rare...like 1% of men. This is just not the case for most men.

I have been married for 21 years, working full-time for 18 of them (took off 3 1/2 years when kids were very young). My husband has not worked in over 7 years, yet has never booked a single doctor's appointment, orthodontist, teacher conference, playdate (okay, well we don't do those anymore), or outing. He doesn't know what classes our kids take, when their practice times are--or possibly even what sports they play. Doesn't know who their friends are. He doesn't grocery shop, cook, or do laundry. He thinks he cleans the house by running the vaccuum once a week, but refuses to clean bathrooms--and won't allow us to hire a house cleaner. The only time he leaves the house is to walk the dog and every now and then to pick up our daughter from somewhere if I ask nicely. Last night, he canceled Hulu--he canceled our cable years ago--because he says it's gotten too expensive. He yells at me about our credit card bill every single month, even though I pay 100% of it. I pay for 75% of everything. He contributes the rest from his very large trust fund. You all don't even know uneven or the depths of resentment that a wife treated so unfairly can feel. If you see your future starting to look like this, start saving money now and get out!

Anonymous wrote:It has been this way for generations.

No, it has not. Maybe for working class women, yes. But for middle to upper middle to upper class women, no. My mother's generation was not expected to hold a professional full-time job outside the home and be a mother. Now it is expected that women do both. It completely sucks. Men do not do their share of domestic work and in many families both men and women work outside the home. The result is that the mom has two full-time jobs. This did not happen in previous generations. Women were not expected to be equal or close to equal providers and raise children at the same time.

Anonymous wrote:^Women's relationship satisfaction depends on equal household duties, while men's depends on partner's communication

Interesting. Was married 10 years with 3 kids, both phds, made what I thought was an equal contribution with kids etc - she never complained. I contributed 100% house down payment and bought cars etc. She had an affair with co- worker and we’re divorced. So I don’t think I agree with this statement or the OP !

Anonymous wrote:This is why I became a single mother by choice. I never met anyone who would have been a true equal partner.

Yes, I do all of the work (with the help of a really great nanny), but I spend zero hours on resentment, which frankly is just another burden for women to carry.

A lot of women are afraid of being single. Seems they're OK with having an unfair balance of labor as long as they can say they're married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him give you a little more of the shaft and he might be incentivized to pick up the throw pillows or some other make work task on Saturday mornings.

God you're so tedious. And it really grates for me, as a higher-drive wife. Thanks for bringing up another thing DH doesn't step up for as much as I do at home.

+1

Maybe if he did his share there, I might be less annoyed that I'm the only one who cleans the bathrooms or sweeps the floors, or grocery shops, or cooks dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Accurate. There are actual studies on this.

The solution is for men to step up.

RBG’s and Kamala’s husbands stepped up.

Pretty sure RBG had hired help at home..

And what did Kamala's DH step up to? They married late in life and don't have kids. Either way, he isn't home scrubbing toilets

RBG spoke about having to tell the school that her son had two parents and to alternate calls.

Also she spoke many times about how her husband Marty did all the cooking in her relationship, even going so far as to bake cakes for her clerk’s birthday.

Anonymous wrote:Very true and I have a super hard working husband who cooks and cleans. Even still, the majority is on me and it’s like he’s my 2nd in command. I have to make the major decisions- decorating, where to vacation, packing, buying anything for the kids, gifts, all the Christmas magic on and on. Some are fun, but sometimes it gets to be a drag and they do add up time wise. And at work, I see it too that women pick up the slack for men. So it’s not just a game they play for their wives. I don’t think men can truly juggle 100 plates in the air like women. Oh and were expected to be in shape while looking hot doing it all. There’s a lot more focus on women than men in that respect too.

Still wouldn’t want to trade being a woman for being a man.

This is so true. And I work in a male-dominated field. Women are not the ones getting promotions and big salaries, but we are the ones who pay attention to detail, learn and remember how complicated technical things work, know who talk to to get something done, etc. And yet, god forbid I suggest a new idea to my boss - he will shut me down and ignore my idea until a male colleague repeats it. I go between fury and not having enough energy left to care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always been like this.

Seriously - its like women who rush to marry and have kids don't realize what's on the other side of that door. Are you blind?

I had a friend who within a month of her wedding was complaining about her husband's refusal to do dishes or clean the bathroom. Well...surprise.

DH and I lived together before marriage. He cooked, cleaned, even did my laundry. So yes, I was surprised as he slowly retreated into being more and more helpless.

In my second marriage, I became seriously ill almost immediately and couldn’t do much of anything for eight months. The result is that DH established his system as our default and it stayed that way. Even after he himself got seriously ill and couldn’t do much of anything for a year. I think many men would buy in if they had a say in how things are done.

This is why I became a single mother by choice. I never met anyone who would have been a true equal partner.

Yes, I do all of the work (with the help of a really great nanny), but I spend zero hours on resentment, which frankly is just another burden for women to carry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Accurate. There are actual studies on this.

The solution is for men to step up.

RBG’s and Kamala’s husbands stepped up.

Pretty sure RBG had hired help at home..

And what did Kamala's DH step up to? They married late in life and don't have kids. Either way, he isn't home scrubbing toilets

RBG spoke about having to tell the school that her son had two parents and to alternate calls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just within heterosexual marriages with children. There’s also an unfair and non-sustainable burden being placed right now on pink-collar workers like teachers, nurses, etc. those women are being told to quit if they have complaints as if their income and careers really matter.

Weird that you’re equating being a teacher with automatically being in a homosexual relationship without children.

How on earth did you twist yourself into that conclusion?

Anonymous wrote:^Women's relationship satisfaction depends on equal household duties, while men's depends on partner's communication

This is spot on in our relationship!

^Women's relationship satisfaction depends on equal household duties, while men's depends on partner's communication