OP - What does your custody agreement say about moving? Start there

Anonymous wrote:There is no place on Virginia as Loudon and Fauquier are almost as expensive as Fairfax. You could try Bealton or Winchester but it's a long commute. Look at Maryland.

Fauquier is nowhere near as expensive as Fairfax.

Bealeton is in Fauquier, I'm not sure why you suggest it immediately after dismissing Fauquier.

Winchester is in Frederick county and is pretty much exactly 1 hour west of some parts of Fairfax county (like Reston) so it's possible that is OPs situation. Take a look on realtor.com or similar site at what $250,000 will get you in Winchester vs. what it will get you in Reston...

There is no place on Virginia as Loudon and Fauquier are almost as expensive as Fairfax. You could try Bealton or Winchester but it's a long commute. Look at Maryland.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only an hour away shouldn't be a big deal. How often does he see them now? Can you offer to do all the transportation for the visits?

Right now he sees them all the time because he is still living here.
I’m fine with doing all that transportation. But he won’t even be here much over the next 3 years. As I said in my OP, he will be going overseas.

Bite the bullet for a year. Once you can prove he moved overseas, move, with a lawyers guidance.

He can't come at you for moving 30 minutes away when he's left the country.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a lawyer OP
As it is he has a right to ask for custody, so whether he is manipulating you or not doesnt matter. Get an agreement sorted now.

I agree with this poster. Your XH has rights and generally it is the parent who "moves away" who is at a disadvantage. You need an attorney's advice, esp if XH is making a "thing" of this.

I don't know your XH and I don't know you. There is a possibility he gave you equity in the house because he hoped it would be nice for your kids (not to move.) IF this is the case, and I don't know that it is, he may be less-than-happy that you want to move the kids... That said, you cannot stay in a house you cannot afford. So the questions for the attorney are things like: is it better to stay in same school district but move to a cheaper home? can attorney get a written agreement in place if you move out of FxCo so there is clarity about custody and visitation?

Generally, but not always. I know someone whose wife re-married and the new husband got a job on the other side of the country. The court ruled that the ex-wife could take the kids with her and move--and that was thousands of miles away, not just an hour away!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem way ahead of yourself. First step, get him out of the house. Second, agree on custody and financial split/support (it’s not based just on expenses). Third, do not tip your hand to moving. Wait until divorce is final and he is overseas and then consult lawyer on options.

Read the post. Divorce is done. He gave her the house (which assumes she will stay) and moved nearby. He is very active in the kids lives so her moving an hour away would not allow him to be that involved when he is at home.

What home?! He's living in HER house right now before he moves out of the country.

I am not the PP you quoted.
Where does OP say that? I see where she says that he currently does not have his own place, but that could mean he is staying at a hotel or with friends.

Right on the first page. “ Right now he sees them all the time because he is still living here.”

I see. By "living here" I thought she meant in the general area (Fairfax county) as opposed to how later he will be doing so much travel for work. I didn't think she meant "here" as in literally her house.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a lawyer OP
As it is he has a right to ask for custody, so whether he is manipulating you or not doesnt matter. Get an agreement sorted now.

I agree with this poster. Your XH has rights and generally it is the parent who "moves away" who is at a disadvantage. You need an attorney's advice, esp if XH is making a "thing" of this.

I don't know your XH and I don't know you. There is a possibility he gave you equity in the house because he hoped it would be nice for your kids (not to move.) IF this is the case, and I don't know that it is, he may be less-than-happy that you want to move the kids... That said, you cannot stay in a house you cannot afford. So the questions for the attorney are things like: is it better to stay in same school district but move to a cheaper home? can attorney get a written agreement in place if you move out of FxCo so there is clarity about custody and visitation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem way ahead of yourself. First step, get him out of the house. Second, agree on custody and financial split/support (it’s not based just on expenses). Third, do not tip your hand to moving. Wait until divorce is final and he is overseas and then consult lawyer on options.

Read the post. Divorce is done. He gave her the house (which assumes she will stay) and moved nearby. He is very active in the kids lives so her moving an hour away would not allow him to be that involved when he is at home.

What home?! He's living in HER house right now before he moves out of the country.

I am not the PP you quoted.
Where does OP say that? I see where she says that he currently does not have his own place, but that could mean he is staying at a hotel or with friends.

Right on the first page. “ Right now he sees them all the time because he is still living here.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem way ahead of yourself. First step, get him out of the house. Second, agree on custody and financial split/support (it’s not based just on expenses). Third, do not tip your hand to moving. Wait until divorce is final and he is overseas and then consult lawyer on options.

Read the post. Divorce is done. He gave her the house (which assumes she will stay) and moved nearby. He is very active in the kids lives so her moving an hour away would not allow him to be that involved when he is at home.

What home?! He's living in HER house right now before he moves out of the country.

I am not the PP you quoted.
Where does OP say that? I see where she says that he currently does not have his own place, but that could mean he is staying at a hotel or with friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem way ahead of yourself. First step, get him out of the house. Second, agree on custody and financial split/support (it’s not based just on expenses). Third, do not tip your hand to moving. Wait until divorce is final and he is overseas and then consult lawyer on options.

Read the post. Divorce is done. He gave her the house (which assumes she will stay) and moved nearby. He is very active in the kids lives so her moving an hour away would not allow him to be that involved when he is at home.

What home?! He's living in HER house right now before he moves out of the country.

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider taking in a boarder? possibly ab eldetky person on fixed income? or even fostering another child or pets?

OMG! Like OP won't have enough on her plate with her job and single parenting 3 kids?

Would you consider taking in a boarder? possibly ab eldetky person on fixed income? or even fostering another child or pets?

OP,

Will your ex be living abroad for three years and visiting Fairfax occasionally, or will he be living in Fairfax and doing a lot of short-stint travel abroad? If the former, your best bet is to say nothing more until he moves. If the latter, I understand why he would object.

In three years when his travel stint is over, will your ex be able to earn a living in the area you want to move to? It would benefit your kids to have both parents living close enough to one another that the kids can go back and forth, see both parents at their school and sporting events, etc. Does the ex have the means to pay more in child support so you can keep the house?