Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have another kid. Meanwhile use this to your advantage. Whatever you want your husband to do with the kid, model it

I can’t. Too old. Lots of IVF. Long story. Husband wants me to do donor egg, but I feel the situation would be even worse with that child and I would completely be on outside looking in.

Please consider this as coming from a helpful not snarky place. Have you considered therapy? The tone of your posts, from feeling "replaced" to "outside looking in" make me wonder if it's possible you are experiencing depression and this is affecting how you are viewing this dynamic? Of course I could be wrong.

This is an excellent point. Something is off in this thread but I can't figure out what.

OP are you feeling left out? It kinda sounds like it. Join in, let go, and have fun. It can be hard if you're spirits and/or mood are low, but you'll feel better for it. Or - go for a walk or do something that is just_for_YOU. Any chance DH is trying to help you?

My DH and DS have things that are "their thing", for sure -- e.g., video games, running, etc. -- and are things that I don't enjoy. DS and I have things that are our thing -- e.g., cooking, playing tennis. And then there are things that are just things - nothing more. Either of us read, play board games, watch movies, whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have another kid. Meanwhile use this to your advantage. Whatever you want your husband to do with the kid, model it

I can’t. Too old. Lots of IVF. Long story. Husband wants me to do donor egg, but I feel the situation would be even worse with that child and I would completely be on outside looking in.

Please consider this as coming from a helpful not snarky place. Have you considered therapy? The tone of your posts, from feeling "replaced" to "outside looking in" make me wonder if it's possible you are experiencing depression and this is affecting how you are viewing this dynamic? Of course I could be wrong.

Agree with this. OP little things like this can definitely can get frustrating, and we're all a little more fed up than usual with the people we've been locked indoors with since March, but your posts seem like they're fueled by deeper emotion than the situation you're describing calls for. You are not an outsider if your kid reads with Daddy. You are not an outsider if you choose to grow your family with a donor egg. You are still Mommy, a very integral part to your family, and I promise you you are irreplaceable to your child(ren).

Yes, something doesn't seem healthy about this relationship. I can't tell from your posts if it's him, you, or both, but it's off, somehow.

You are very lucky to have a dh who wants to do stuff. Enjoy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he breastfeed the kid too?

No but he would take him out of my arms and bottle feed him.

What!? He would remove the child from your breast and shove a bottle in his face? You should have shut that down real quick.

No my child was bottle fed both breast milk and formula. Husband used to take the breast milk bottles and feed him. I did shit that down because it was hard as hell for me to make any milk (supplements, constant pumping, etc but that’s another story) so he would give him formula bottles.

Why would you fight over which one gives the breast milk bottles? I don't understand this. Of course your husband should have the opportunity to feed via bottle if you aren't exclusively breast feeding.

Yes, this. I'm trying to understand you, OP, but I can't fathom why you would care what is in the bottle you versus your husband is feeding your child.

I don't get his at all. Why can't it just be that your child likes doing a thing, and sometimes he does it with mom and sometimes he does it with dad? and sometimes you all do it together? What happens if your kid wants to do this activity and you're not available - then he's not allowed to do it with dad?

This whole thing kind of sounds desperate to me. Like you won't have a relationship with your child unless you have A THING?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have another kid. Meanwhile use this to your advantage. Whatever you want your husband to do with the kid, model it

I can’t. Too old. Lots of IVF. Long story. Husband wants me to do donor egg, but I feel the situation would be even worse with that child and I would completely be on outside looking in.

Please consider this as coming from a helpful not snarky place. Have you considered therapy? The tone of your posts, from feeling "replaced" to "outside looking in" make me wonder if it's possible you are experiencing depression and this is affecting how you are viewing this dynamic? Of course I could be wrong.

Agree with this. OP little things like this can definitely can get frustrating, and we're all a little more fed up than usual with the people we've been locked indoors with since March, but your posts seem like they're fueled by deeper emotion than the situation you're describing calls for. You are not an outsider if your kid reads with Daddy. You are not an outsider if you choose to grow your family with a donor egg. You are still Mommy, a very integral part to your family, and I promise you you are irreplaceable to your child(ren).

I don't get it. Can you give an example?

I'd make a big show about how tooth brushing is your favorite bonding experience. Next up: the dentist! After that, cleaning toilets and doing the dishes.

But is this like you play checkers every night with your son and now DH is taking over checkers? I'd be thankful and read on the couch next to them.

I'm trying to relate to one thing I'd be annoyed about my DH taking over from me and I've got nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I effing WISH! my husband would do this.

I know, right! Rushing to play games, read books and prepare meals with our child! The horror!

If my husband voluntarily played a game with our kid I would keep over from shock.

SAME


Or feed them something besides snacks or fast food ....ever

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have another kid. Meanwhile use this to your advantage. Whatever you want your husband to do with the kid, model it

I can’t. Too old. Lots of IVF. Long story. Husband wants me to do donor egg, but I feel the situation would be even worse with that child and I would completely be on outside looking in.

Please consider this as coming from a helpful not snarky place. Have you considered therapy? The tone of your posts, from feeling "replaced" to "outside looking in" make me wonder if it's possible you are experiencing depression and this is affecting how you are viewing this dynamic? Of course I could be wrong.

Model what you want him to do with the kid. How old is this kid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he breastfeed the kid too?

No but he would take him out of my arms and bottle feed him.

What!? He would remove the child from your breast and shove a bottle in his face? You should have shut that down real quick.

No my child was bottle fed both breast milk and formula. Husband used to take the breast milk bottles and feed him. I did shit that down because it was hard as hell for me to make any milk (supplements, constant pumping, etc but that’s another story) so he would give him formula bottles.

Why would you fight over which one gives the breast milk bottles? I don't understand this. Of course your husband should have the opportunity to feed via bottle if you aren't exclusively breast feeding.

Anonymous wrote:Have another kid. Meanwhile use this to your advantage. Whatever you want your husband to do with the kid, model it

I can’t. Too old. Lots of IVF. Long story. Husband wants me to do donor egg, but I feel the situation would be even worse with that child and I would completely be on outside looking in.

Next time call him out and have a conversation. Or when starting with an activity, tell him - Hey DH, I want to do this with DC. Will you please pick a different activity from this when you play with them next time? Hopefully after a few times, they'll stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people unnecessarily mean.

I’ve had this happen and it really sucks. Just as you start bonding over something with your kid, to have your husband come in and take it over feels very crappy. If it was a few times it would be easy to overlook but all the time? That’s tough.

I’m sorry OP.

OP here. This is exactly right. Everyone who thinks it is admiring or how great it is that husband wants to spend time with DC doesn’t get it. It’s almost like a power thing. My husband is very competitive and it’s like everything has to be “his”. And it’s not like my husband does it with DC and includes me. He takes it over and does it exclusively with DC.

Amateur. Use this to your advantage. You are mommy, no one and nothing can ever replace you - even unoriginal Daddy. I promise. USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

OH I LOVE it when they want Daddy at bedtime! It's music to my ears! Oh Daddy, you're the best! They want you! Tears of joy.