Anonymous
Post 11/05/2020 02:27     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently I did not get my point across at all. He demands he get certain gifts and if the doesn't get THE gift he asked for (no one asked him), he has a temper tantrum. He texts "for Christmas I want this.... *insert fitbit*" I saw a deal for a cheaper version and sent it to him and said "look at this great deal for the cheaper version" and he said it was crap and he didn't want it. If you don't get that one thing he deemed appropriate, his Christmas is ruined. My father and I have a running joke about it but it's getting ridiculous now that he's 35.


sTOP BUYING HIM GIFTS! What are you, a martyr? I don’t understand. It’s incredibly rude of him....why keep feeding into this??
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2020 02:20     Subject: Re:Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
I think it is ridiculous for adults to whom I am not married to expect gifts from me. And yet, I have family members who complain about our gifts every year. We won’t be spending holidays with family this year so I will be giving gifts to my parents and my nieces and nephews only (outside of our nuclear family).
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 18:37     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
I am really surprised how many people feel entitled to gifts. It's generous to give any gift. To think of someone enough to buy a gift is probably more than most people get. My mom only gets a gift if I buy one. She has no spouse, her parents can't afford it.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 18:33     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently I did not get my point across at all. He demands he get certain gifts and if the doesn't get THE gift he asked for (no one asked him), he has a temper tantrum. He texts "for Christmas I want this.... *insert fitbit*" I saw a deal for a cheaper version and sent it to him and said "look at this great deal for the cheaper version" and he said it was crap and he didn't want it. If you don't get that one thing he deemed appropriate, his Christmas is ruined. My father and I have a running joke about it but it's getting ridiculous now that he's 35.


Ugh. This guy is a man-baby.

I would drastically lower my gift budget for him. If you've been spending $100, start spending $20. When he texts you the Fitbit he wants (or whatever) simply respond "unfortunately that's out of my budget for this year." Attempt to get him something he would like (if there's something in your new price range that he sends, buy it, but it seems unlikely) but don't stress yourself out about it, and expect that he will hate it anyway. If he does something like toss it aside or say something like "I already beat this" I would put on a somewhat taken-aback face and say "that was a bit rude." He'll then argue. "I'm just being honest!" or "I got you what you wanted" or whatever juvenile comeback he has, just ignore it and move on to a new topic. Repeat. Avoid engaging.

If he ever complains that you spend more on other people than you do on him, you can calmly state "you have disliked so many of my gifts in the past, and I'm tired of seeing expensive things go to waste." Don't engage too much! If if the conversation is going on for more than a handful of back-and-forths, start repeating yourself. "As I already mentioned, that's out of my budget for this year." If he ever accepts a gift graciously, you can consider increasing your budget again.

This accomplishes a few things: 1) Stops rewarding bad behavior 2) Limits $$ waste 3) Has you standing up to poor treatment 4) Decreases your stress 5) Puts you above reproach - you are buying a gift for your brother you hope he'll like. No (sane) objective observer can complain about that.

As a side note - was he spoiled growing up? This would be incredibly rude and selfish behavior from an 8 year old. My parents were (and still are!) very generous at Christmas time, but behavior like this would NOT have gone over well, even when we were small children!


I have idea where he gets it. He is not grateful for anything. (Op here) I am happy to get gifts even when they aren't to my taste.


*no idea
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 18:33     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently I did not get my point across at all. He demands he get certain gifts and if the doesn't get THE gift he asked for (no one asked him), he has a temper tantrum. He texts "for Christmas I want this.... *insert fitbit*" I saw a deal for a cheaper version and sent it to him and said "look at this great deal for the cheaper version" and he said it was crap and he didn't want it. If you don't get that one thing he deemed appropriate, his Christmas is ruined. My father and I have a running joke about it but it's getting ridiculous now that he's 35.


Ugh. This guy is a man-baby.

I would drastically lower my gift budget for him. If you've been spending $100, start spending $20. When he texts you the Fitbit he wants (or whatever) simply respond "unfortunately that's out of my budget for this year." Attempt to get him something he would like (if there's something in your new price range that he sends, buy it, but it seems unlikely) but don't stress yourself out about it, and expect that he will hate it anyway. If he does something like toss it aside or say something like "I already beat this" I would put on a somewhat taken-aback face and say "that was a bit rude." He'll then argue. "I'm just being honest!" or "I got you what you wanted" or whatever juvenile comeback he has, just ignore it and move on to a new topic. Repeat. Avoid engaging.

If he ever complains that you spend more on other people than you do on him, you can calmly state "you have disliked so many of my gifts in the past, and I'm tired of seeing expensive things go to waste." Don't engage too much! If if the conversation is going on for more than a handful of back-and-forths, start repeating yourself. "As I already mentioned, that's out of my budget for this year." If he ever accepts a gift graciously, you can consider increasing your budget again.

This accomplishes a few things: 1) Stops rewarding bad behavior 2) Limits $$ waste 3) Has you standing up to poor treatment 4) Decreases your stress 5) Puts you above reproach - you are buying a gift for your brother you hope he'll like. No (sane) objective observer can complain about that.

As a side note - was he spoiled growing up? This would be incredibly rude and selfish behavior from an 8 year old. My parents were (and still are!) very generous at Christmas time, but behavior like this would NOT have gone over well, even when we were small children!


I have idea where he gets it. He is not grateful for anything. (Op here) I am happy to get gifts even when they aren't to my taste.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 17:30     Subject: Re:Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:I suppose I am an adult who is also a “jerk” about gifts but let me explain.

1) my birthday is close to Christmas so I often get gifts lumped together or forgotten entirely.

2) I am not hard to buy for, I have very clear hobbies and tastes but people often buy me stupid things like a “Disney poster” in my case it was a stuffed animal as an adult or crap second rate items like a cheap Fitbit that just get sent to goodwill.

I will usually ask for exactly what I want and it still doesn’t work. Please just get me a Starbucks gift card and stop wasting your money.


Yeah, you are a jerk. No quotes.

Grow. Up.

The complaint about your birthday being close to Christmas is a reasonable complaint if you are seven. You're a grown adult! Most people don't even buy birthday gifts for adults anymore! I get a birthday gift from my husband, and occasionally (not every year) one from my parents. That's it!

You do not DESERVE gifts. Certainly not of a certain quality. Not to your "clear tastes."

If someone ASKS you what you would like, you should feel free to tell them. Otherwise, shut up.

If someone gives you a gift, you should respond with sincere thanks, as it was kind and generous of them to think of you and spend their hard earned money on you. No one is required to do that! There are plenty of people out there who get ZERO gifts. Maybe spend a little of the energy you spend trying to make sure people buy you good gifts on some gratitude that you have people in your life who care about you enough and have enough means to buy you gifts.

And then, yeah, if it's a stuffed animal or off brand Fitbit you don't like, send it to Goodwill, and be glad that perhaps someone else will get to enjoy it.

Ugh. I'm just thinking about how last year, a delightful coworker mentioned (casually) that since his 14 year old forgot to buy him a Christmas gift (a jerk move, but 14 gonna 14, ya know?) he didn't get a single Christmas present that year. His parents are dead, he's divorced, his siblings stopped exchanging gifts years ago. Zero gifts. And you're complaining that the people buying you gifts aren't paying careful attention to your hobbies. Wow.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 17:22     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently I did not get my point across at all. He demands he get certain gifts and if the doesn't get THE gift he asked for (no one asked him), he has a temper tantrum. He texts "for Christmas I want this.... *insert fitbit*" I saw a deal for a cheaper version and sent it to him and said "look at this great deal for the cheaper version" and he said it was crap and he didn't want it. If you don't get that one thing he deemed appropriate, his Christmas is ruined. My father and I have a running joke about it but it's getting ridiculous now that he's 35.


Ugh. This guy is a man-baby.

I would drastically lower my gift budget for him. If you've been spending $100, start spending $20. When he texts you the Fitbit he wants (or whatever) simply respond "unfortunately that's out of my budget for this year." Attempt to get him something he would like (if there's something in your new price range that he sends, buy it, but it seems unlikely) but don't stress yourself out about it, and expect that he will hate it anyway. If he does something like toss it aside or say something like "I already beat this" I would put on a somewhat taken-aback face and say "that was a bit rude." He'll then argue. "I'm just being honest!" or "I got you what you wanted" or whatever juvenile comeback he has, just ignore it and move on to a new topic. Repeat. Avoid engaging.

If he ever complains that you spend more on other people than you do on him, you can calmly state "you have disliked so many of my gifts in the past, and I'm tired of seeing expensive things go to waste." Don't engage too much! If if the conversation is going on for more than a handful of back-and-forths, start repeating yourself. "As I already mentioned, that's out of my budget for this year." If he ever accepts a gift graciously, you can consider increasing your budget again.

This accomplishes a few things: 1) Stops rewarding bad behavior 2) Limits $$ waste 3) Has you standing up to poor treatment 4) Decreases your stress 5) Puts you above reproach - you are buying a gift for your brother you hope he'll like. No (sane) objective observer can complain about that.

As a side note - was he spoiled growing up? This would be incredibly rude and selfish behavior from an 8 year old. My parents were (and still are!) very generous at Christmas time, but behavior like this would NOT have gone over well, even when we were small children!
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 16:46     Subject: Re:Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I suppose I am an adult who is also a “jerk” about gifts but let me explain.

1) my birthday is close to Christmas so I often get gifts lumped together or forgotten entirely.

2) I am not hard to buy for, I have very clear hobbies and tastes but people often buy me stupid things like a “Disney poster” in my case it was a stuffed animal as an adult or crap second rate items like a cheap Fitbit that just get sent to goodwill.

I will usually ask for exactly what I want and it still doesn’t work. Please just get me a Starbucks gift card and stop wasting your money.


You are an adult and presumably financially independent.

Why don't you just buy yourself things that you want?


The poster probably does. But this is about gifts.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 16:42     Subject: Re:Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:I suppose I am an adult who is also a “jerk” about gifts but let me explain.

1) my birthday is close to Christmas so I often get gifts lumped together or forgotten entirely.

2) I am not hard to buy for, I have very clear hobbies and tastes but people often buy me stupid things like a “Disney poster” in my case it was a stuffed animal as an adult or crap second rate items like a cheap Fitbit that just get sent to goodwill.

I will usually ask for exactly what I want and it still doesn’t work. Please just get me a Starbucks gift card and stop wasting your money.


You are an adult and presumably financially independent.

Why don't you just buy yourself things that you want?
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 15:27     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently I did not get my point across at all. He demands he get certain gifts and if the doesn't get THE gift he asked for (no one asked him), he has a temper tantrum. He texts "for Christmas I want this.... *insert fitbit*" I saw a deal for a cheaper version and sent it to him and said "look at this great deal for the cheaper version" and he said it was crap and he didn't want it. If you don't get that one thing he deemed appropriate, his Christmas is ruined. My father and I have a running joke about it but it's getting ridiculous now that he's 35.


I cannot believe there is actually an adult who behaves like you say your brother does but I also don’t know why you’d make something this stupid up so I assume it’s real. Either stop giving him gifts altogether or just give gift cards. I hate the practice of adults exchanging gifts unless it’s w a spouse/significant other or maybe adult children w their parents/adult siblings *if* it is an enjoyable exchange for everyone involved. Once it becomes more stressful or pointless (as in exchanging gift cards or continually getting each other things no one wants, it’s time to stop.


I agree about all of this. My family has always had an expectation of gifts so it's hard to break out of that. I love this time of year but thinking about buying my brother and sister in law a gift this year is already bumming me out. I was thinking of sending a Netflix gift card.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 15:16     Subject: Re:Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Thanks for explaining about the Disney art. That was throwing me off.

I think you should just start giving him gift cards. I don't normally say 'gift cards' because I like to give personalized gifts but it doesn't seem like your gifts so far are misses in his eyes for whatever reason even though you explain very logically about why you chose the gift you did. Give him a gift card and let him get what he wants. If he gets upset then he gets upset.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2020 15:05     Subject: Anyone in your family who are jerks about gifts?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Apparently I did not get my point across at all. He demands he get certain gifts and if the doesn't get THE gift he asked for (no one asked him), he has a temper tantrum. He texts "for Christmas I want this.... *insert fitbit*" I saw a deal for a cheaper version and sent it to him and said "look at this great deal for the cheaper version" and he said it was crap and he didn't want it. If you don't get that one thing he deemed appropriate, his Christmas is ruined. My father and I have a running joke about it but it's getting ridiculous now that he's 35.


I cannot believe there is actually an adult who behaves like you say your brother does but I also don’t know why you’d make something this stupid up so I assume it’s real. Either stop giving him gifts altogether or just give gift cards. I hate the practice of adults exchanging gifts unless it’s w a spouse/significant other or maybe adult children w their parents/adult siblings *if* it is an enjoyable exchange for everyone involved. Once it becomes more stressful or pointless (as in exchanging gift cards or continually getting each other things no one wants, it’s time to stop.