Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:16     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:OP, drop the "Harvard, Yale, Princeton, UVA" line of thinking. That just makes you sound clueless. We need to know more about *why* you didn't insist on applications --- last year.

There's a story there ~ I'll bet you wouldn't pay.


Op here...I encouraged him to apply to all of those schools and he said he would and I thought he did. My income and/or will to pay is not of discussion in this conversation. He lied to me and DH when he said he would apply and didn't.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:15     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
OP, drop the "Harvard, Yale, Princeton, UVA" line of thinking. That just makes you sound clueless. We need to know more about *why* you didn't insist on applications --- last year.

There's a story there ~ I'll bet you wouldn't pay.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:09     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Percy I don't see anything wrong with your child's behavior. All of these "hard ass" parents here probably have miserable kids who secretly hate them because they were too hard on them growing up.

There is nothing wrong with your child, let him be.


Lol so it’s okay for kids to graduate high school, refuse to make a plan for college or work, and stay home and play video games in the basement all day? It’s October, so... it’s been 5 months of this now? And nothings wrong with that?


My kids do it, and they've turned out to be good kids. They're 26 and 30 respectively. And they're spending time finding themselves and being creative.


LOL. finding themselves?!? Did they get lost somewhere over the last 10 years? My parents were married with 4 kids by the time they were 30. Grow up
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:07     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
He may have social anxiety and is afraid to leave home or possibly he has moderate depression go see a doctor and let him talk
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:06     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:Kick em.out


+1. tough love for his own good.
say, "Son, I love you more than anything, which is why I'm giving you 3 months to find a job, move out and get an apartment. You are 18 and an adult now, and have made the adult decision not to go to college, and now need to pursue living independently as an adult. There are so many places hiring now- Amazon, Uber, Fast Food, I know you will easily find a job so you can afford a simple apartment. You are so smart, so I know you will do great."
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:06     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Stop paying for his phone, stop buying him clothes, put a password on your Wi-Fi. I don’t necessarily think he needs to go to college but he needs to work and contribute.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:05     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to burst your bubble but he wasn't getting into any school he wanted with a GPA of 3.75. Sit down with him and tell him he gets a job, joins the military, or you sit down together and have him apply to a community college.


Just stop.

There is nothing wrong with a 3.75 gpa. His mother is right to be proud of that.

For some reason he is not moving onto adulthood that is a different issue. While yes I think she should tell him job, military or out.


New poster- honestly maybe OPs view of his grades/ achievements was part of the problem. Because previous poster was harsh but correct- he wasn’t going to Harvard or Yale on a 3.75 gpa. Maybe OP was telling him all year that’s where he belonged and needed to strive towards- and he knew that mom was off base. And now here he is, stuck, because he didn’t have the heart or the balls or whatever to tell mom he was applying to Virginia Tech and JMU, not Harvard and Yale. He refused to apply to college (moms choices of colleges for him!) because he knew he would be rejected and didn’t want to face that or have mom face that. Possibility?


Mom or Dad should have helped him apply. He would have done great at his state school. He may not have known how to apply. So that ship has sailed. He can go to community college, military or get a job.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:04     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Community college or he needs to get a job and pay rent or leave. Simple.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:03     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Percy I don't see anything wrong with your child's behavior. All of these "hard ass" parents here probably have miserable kids who secretly hate them because they were too hard on them growing up.

There is nothing wrong with your child, let him be.


Lol so it’s okay for kids to graduate high school, refuse to make a plan for college or work, and stay home and play video games in the basement all day? It’s October, so... it’s been 5 months of this now? And nothings wrong with that?


My kids do it, and they've turned out to be good kids. They're 26 and 30 respectively. And they're spending time finding themselves and being creative.



please tell me they at least hold down a damn job and pay you some kind of rent?
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:01     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't kick him out.

But I'd tell him that if he wants access to the wi-fi you pay for, he needs to either be enrolled in college courses full time (start at NVCC) OR working full time (40+ hours a week) or some combo of the 2. So part time work, and 2 college course I'd be okay with.

If he does not comply, you cut off his wi-fi and smart phone. That'll get his attention. Hand him a flip phone, with only a few minutes for calls to NVCC and for job applications.



Also for me, the main reason I'd keep him in the house is that it sounds like he needs support into this. I'd even go so far as to choose the NVCC classes. Maybe get him evaluated for depression or ADHD. He needs some guidance and support. You have to try everything before kicking him out on his own.


I agree. This is your son...and there is obviously a problem somewhere. Whether it was failure to prepare him for this eventuality, addiction to electronics, depression/ADHD or some combo of these, he needs help. Remember that no well adjusted human wants to spend all day doing nothing but being on the phone or snap chat with no ambition or desire to anything else. I'm saying this all compassionately as someone who has dealt with lifelong depression and has to fight this every day.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 15:01     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Percy I don't see anything wrong with your child's behavior. All of these "hard ass" parents here probably have miserable kids who secretly hate them because they were too hard on them growing up.

There is nothing wrong with your child, let him be.


Lol so it’s okay for kids to graduate high school, refuse to make a plan for college or work, and stay home and play video games in the basement all day? It’s October, so... it’s been 5 months of this now? And nothings wrong with that?


My kids do it, and they've turned out to be good kids. They're 26 and 30 respectively. And they're spending time finding themselves and being creative.

Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 14:57     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:Percy I don't see anything wrong with your child's behavior. All of these "hard ass" parents here probably have miserable kids who secretly hate them because they were too hard on them growing up.

There is nothing wrong with your child, let him be.


Lol so it’s okay for kids to graduate high school, refuse to make a plan for college or work, and stay home and play video games in the basement all day? It’s October, so... it’s been 5 months of this now? And nothings wrong with that?
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 14:23     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Percy I don't see anything wrong with your child's behavior. All of these "hard ass" parents here probably have miserable kids who secretly hate them because they were too hard on them growing up.

There is nothing wrong with your child, let him be.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 14:21     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:Easy enough. Stop paying for his phone.


+ agree. Don't give him any money. Buy really basic groceries. For those saying "kick him out", I think that's much easier said than done. However, it is easy to make life at home boring and uncomfortable. And, if that results in him just laying on his bed all day, OP will know she is dealing with something more serious than laziness.
Anonymous
Post 10/23/2020 14:15     Subject: I can't keep subsidizing DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to burst your bubble but he wasn't getting into any school he wanted with a GPA of 3.75. Sit down with him and tell him he gets a job, joins the military, or you sit down together and have him apply to a community college.


Just stop.

There is nothing wrong with a 3.75 gpa. His mother is right to be proud of that.

For some reason he is not moving onto adulthood that is a different issue. While yes I think she should tell him job, military or out.


New poster- honestly maybe OPs view of his grades/ achievements was part of the problem. Because previous poster was harsh but correct- he wasn’t going to Harvard or Yale on a 3.75 gpa. Maybe OP was telling him all year that’s where he belonged and needed to strive towards- and he knew that mom was off base. And now here he is, stuck, because he didn’t have the heart or the balls or whatever to tell mom he was applying to Virginia Tech and JMU, not Harvard and Yale. He refused to apply to college (moms choices of colleges for him!) because he knew he would be rejected and didn’t want to face that or have mom face that. Possibility?