I willing had sex multiple times a night and spent weekends in bed with my husband when we were dating. We both couldn’t get enough. We were mid 20s. Is there a reason you are so sore? Not lubricated/menopause?

You might be mismatched sexually.

Run now, this will only get worse.

End it now. Save yourself about 100000 posts in 1-5 years about how DH is not understanding about not being able to keep up with daily sex. Throw a kid or 2 in, career advancement etc and there is no way in hell what he is expecting is sustainable and still allow for other priorities in life. It is all about balance it you are out of balance.

Sounds great. Burning love comes once in a lifetime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. You’re not compatible, that’s way too
Much.

Why yuck? DH aim for at least once a day. It is actually a beautiful part of our relationship.

Because in your late 30s, wanting sex twice per day when you know your partner is sore is gross.

Any man of 39 should know this would not be comfortable for a similar aged woman.


OP, you need to tell him it isn't enjoyable for you to have so frequently. And think about what you want out of this relationship long term. Sex twice per day is not sustainable if you want to have children and as you head to peri menopause and beyond. How do you think he will cope with that?

Anonymous wrote:Yuck. You’re not compatible, that’s way too
Much.

Why yuck? DH aim for at least once a day. It is actually a beautiful part of our relationship.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds oddly familiar

I agree. Perhaps it's been posted before.

End it now. It takes him so long to orgas because he has a porn habit. This is not a bad thing in and of itself but the dishonesty in other areas of the relationship will be. If you have kids with him your sex drive will almost certainly change. He will put himself first as he does now but there will be so much more at stake.

Anonymous wrote:Use your words and lube.

It sounds like it’s a quality issue not a quantity one.

+1.

Op, my now DH and I issued to have sex 2X per day for the first 4 years of our relationship. We are now 12 years in with three small kids and down to 3X per week.

From a very practical viewpoint:

— you need to learn to talk about sex because things will come up that you need to talk through. For example, after child #2 and #3 intercourse was painful with lots of lube and patience. It went away after #2 but has persisted with #3. It gets painful if DH takes 20 minutes unless he re-applies lube, and then we have to take a few days break. We definitely could not do it 2X per day anymore because it would be very painful. My larger point is that you need to be able to talk about sex and changes. DH understands although sometimes he is grumpy about stopping in the middle to put on more lube. It’s definitely not sexy but he doesn’t want to hurt me.

— your BF may not react that well to the initial conversation, but at 39 he also knows it’s rare to find another person with a high drive, so I doubt thus will really impact your relationship. Prepare for him to whine about it and try to pressure you (mine did) but hold firm and remind him that it’s painful. Also, when you aren’t having sex let him know you don’t like being pressured to do something painful. If he can’t eventually accept this, dump him.

— is your BF taking meds for ED? Has he talked about this with his doctor? He should since it is impacting your relationship.

— you need to learn to sit with your BF being disappointed. My DH still would like to have sex more than 3X per week (like every day) but I am not there, and he has learned to accept it. Yes, he still pushes, but I’m pretty firm that my needs are as important as his, and some nights I just want to cuddle.

Anonymous wrote:For a person that likes frequent penetration sex:

1. To prevent utis You’ll need to get a bidet. They’re lots of types on amazon, preferably one with a spray, if no bidet. You can use a cup of water , just spread the legs and pour the water over your clit,labia etc. Rinse repeat at least 2-3 times before and after intercourse

2. Lube helps

3. Pain relievers help

4. What does your foreplay ritual look like? Maybe he takes so long because he is on a head trip.

This won’t work because her pain is most likely muscular.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live together?

OP here. We live together. He isn’t hurting me. I get sore but this is no abuse or violence. He has an issue where he can’t orgasm quickly and sex lasts 20+ minutes before he can orgasm. That’s a lot for me. I’ve had sex with past partners everyday but it was quickies and I was fine.

He is hurting you .. it hurts, because he has an issue. Nobody said he is purposely abusing you.

He is hurting you, he knows it hurts you but his needs are more important so he continues to hurt you.

It’s not your burden to carry.

DO NOT MARRY HIM.

He is damaged goods. You can love somebody and also not think marrying him will work it’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:For a person that likes frequent penetration sex:

1. To prevent utis You’ll need to get a bidet. They’re lots of types on amazon, preferably one with a spray, if no bidet. You can use a cup of water , just spread the legs and pour the water over your clit,labia etc. Rinse repeat at least 2-3 times before and after intercourse

2. Lube helps

3. Pain relievers help

4. What does your foreplay ritual look like? Maybe he takes so long because he is on a head trip.

Who is telling her to use pain relievers? If she needs a pain reliever what’s happening isn’t sustainable.

UTIs happen w frequent rubbing of urethra and bacteria getting into it. Google weekend or honeymoon cystitis or UTI.

Why do you care about not hurting his feelings? He gives zero f***s that he is PHYSICALLY HURTING YOU.

His feelings are his responsibility, not yours. Your responsibility is to advocate for yourself.

I mean this with kindness, but you could benefit from therapy. It’s not healthy to think that:

1. You need to have sex multiple times a day to satisfy a partner, even though it causes you pain
2. You need to manage his feelings around him not getting sex on demand
3. It’s okay to stay in a relationship where one person laughs off the other’s pain and pressure them for sex. That’s abuse.

Until then: just repeat “no, I don’t want sex right now”

Anonymous wrote:For a person that likes frequent penetration sex:

1. To prevent utis You’ll need to get a bidet. They’re lots of types on amazon, preferably one with a spray, if no bidet. You can use a cup of water , just spread the legs and pour the water over your clit,labia etc. Rinse repeat at least 2-3 times before and after intercourse

2. Lube helps

3. Pain relievers help

4. What does your foreplay ritual look like? Maybe he takes so long because he is on a head trip.

WTF does that even mean?