Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have several families that I know would take our kids in in case of an emergency, and either of our moms could fly here in a pinch.

This has actually sort of happened (my DH was on his deathbed at one point a few years ago), and our kids stayed with friends until my mom could fly in.

Right, so your circumstances are totally different from mine. Got it. I don’t have what you have, as explained in my OP.

And...I made a suggestion immediately right below that...maybe this is why you don't have any friends that would help you with this.

Op here. As explained in my OP, I moved to a new city just a few weeks before lock down, meeting people has been hard.

I just get tired of people who have the privilege of helpful family being unable to recognize that not everyone has that. My friends try to tell me how they have “no help” with their kids when they do in fact have parents who help. It just gets tiresome. Obviously if I had a helpful mom, I could come up with a plan here until she arrives. I don’t have that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally, the hospital will try to get you to pinpoint people who can help. Can they call your child's school so they kids can stay with a classmate's family? Have you joined a temple or church - they could go with a congregant's family. Stuff like that. They know calling foster care is a last resort.

Op here. I didn’t realize the hospital would help this way. This is very reassuring. Thank you.

Wouldn't your family who lives far away fly in immediately upon hearing you're in the hospital?

I'd move mountains to get to my sister (and my nephews) the moment I found out she was in the hospital..

Same here.

OP, is there a reason your family wouldn’t fly to where you are to help?

Op here. My family is extremely dysfunctional. My mother is in and out of rehab/jail and i haven’t seen her in 10 years. Most of my family members have a lot of problems. There are possibly one or two who are functional enough to help, but I don’t think they would come. My brother maybe would, but I’m not sure. My dad would come but it would take days for him to get here (he’s just so flaky/out of it a lot of the time and is a total hippie).

My in laws are even worse unfortunately.

My youngest child was hospitalized for a week almost a year ago, we weren’t totally sure he’d make it, and my brother didn’t come. My dad did come for a couple days but left before my son even got out of the hospital.

Our nanny did help, the problem is she doesn’t drive or speak English (she speaks my native language), so she was able to provide childcare to an extent but her plate is also very full with her own marriage/children. She took my older son to her house for the week and I felt a bit uncomfortable with him staying there but it turned out OK.

My friends did help too, with driving older DS to places and meals. But it wasn’t like the Calvary showed up. Maybe we were too quiet about what was happening. And now we live in a different city altogether.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally, the hospital will try to get you to pinpoint people who can help. Can they call your child's school so they kids can stay with a classmate's family? Have you joined a temple or church - they could go with a congregant's family. Stuff like that. They know calling foster care is a last resort.

Op here. I didn’t realize the hospital would help this way. This is very reassuring. Thank you.

Wouldn't your family who lives far away fly in immediately upon hearing you're in the hospital?

I'd move mountains to get to my sister (and my nephews) the moment I found out she was in the hospital..

Same here.

OP, is there a reason your family wouldn’t fly to where you are to help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally, the hospital will try to get you to pinpoint people who can help. Can they call your child's school so they kids can stay with a classmate's family? Have you joined a temple or church - they could go with a congregant's family. Stuff like that. They know calling foster care is a last resort.

Op here. I didn’t realize the hospital would help this way. This is very reassuring. Thank you.

Wouldn't your family who lives far away fly in immediately upon hearing you're in the hospital?

I'd move mountains to get to my sister (and my nephews) the moment I found out she was in the hospital..

There's some helpful advice here, but OP are you both essential workers with pre-existing conditions? If not, I think the likelihood of you both needing to be hospitalized is very very slim. But, there are some good ideas here for coming up with some emergency planning for very rare, freak accidents that could happen.

I think the main problem here is exposure, if you're talking about covid. Do you know anyone willing to expose themselves? You'd have to pay someone to then isolate at home after you get back from the hospital because they wouldn't be able to go to work or be around other people. This is the worst thing about COVID.

In normal situations, I'd say, people will step up and you will lower your standards. Your dad or brother would be a fine substitute, and nanny until they arrive. But, this isn't a normal situation. You should do everything you can to avoid contracting COVID.

The problem is that it’s an infectious disease.

I would not be willing to risk my life to care for a friend’s kids.

Anonymous wrote:My friend and I made a pact as soon as COVID began that we'd basically drop everything to take each ithers kids if both parents were hospitalized.

Otherwise yes your nanny (or a nanny friend of hers). Or nanny during the day, puts kids to bed, and the local family you have just stays overnight then nanny back in the morning.

I think you'd be surprised tho OP. I'd take anyone's kids if truly needed, even an acquaintance or friend of a friend.

+1.

I’d watch random neighbors kids in a crisis until reliable relatives could arrive.

Covid certainly complicates things. But neighbors help each other.

Do the kids go to preschool or daycare? If only the nanny, I’d ask her about this. And I’d say it’s worth the financial risk even if you had to pay her a months salary in a week.

When I was a nanny and both parents had to be away for long stretches at the same time, I would work long days (7am - 8pm) and a family member would fly in and basically be “on duty” overnight in case the kids woke up. Family member could hang with us during the day or so their own thing. Other times, I stayed in the house as well as a family member and we worked out the schedule amongst ourselves.

Talk to your nanny now and immediate plans of action and subsequent plans for when family can be flown in.

Do you know any of your neighbors well? I had a neighbor who had a kid and was the person who watched the kid when they went to hospital for second baby. Who are your life long friends? Anyone that could come in to take over for the neighbor who knows you well and you trust? If you are in the hospital you want to concentrate on healing and not be worried about what is going on with your kids.

I’m a decent human being. I would take in any of my friends, neighbors or relatives children temporarily if their options were me or the foster home.

Nanny is a great bet. Worry about the money later.

Do you have an estate plan? We did a planning session last year and part of what you do is plan for situations like this ... determine the temporary caretaker (e.g., nanny) and the longer term caretaker (e.g., family who live further away). Nanny takes care of kids until the family arrive. If you don't have the necessary paperwork and you, for some reason, are unable to convey this info it could get messy. Do not rely on emergency foster care; some of those homes are amazing, wonderful places and others are nightmare situations.

We live away from all family and have named a few sets of parents of our son's friends for short term emergency care options. Not necessarily super close friends of ours, but people our son knows and is comfortable with because he's spent hours at their homes and they are people we trust. That info plus the longer term options (and our lawyer's details) are stored in a "Family Binder" in a prominent location on a bookshelf. If ever in a car accident or something, it would be found. You can also formally name who you do *not* want to care for your kids (i.e., the unsafe local relatives); I had to do that w/my mentally ill older sister.

Anonymous wrote:Generally, the hospital will try to get you to pinpoint people who can help. Can they call your child's school so they kids can stay with a classmate's family? Have you joined a temple or church - they could go with a congregant's family. Stuff like that. They know calling foster care is a last resort.

Op here. I didn’t realize the hospital would help this way. This is very reassuring. Thank you.

Generally, the hospital will try to get you to pinpoint people who can help. Can they call your child's school so they kids can stay with a classmate's family? Have you joined a temple or church - they could go with a congregant's family. Stuff like that. They know calling foster care is a last resort.