get a crate
get a dog trainer - who works with the whole family
get a dog walker during school/work hours
Make a schedule for parent/cild dog walks in the evening and who feeds daily.

problem solved

a dog is a pain in the ass but it can also be a huge source of comfort and anxiety relief.

OP, is the dog a puppy? Puppies are REALLY hard, and our beloved dog almost broke me mentally when he was a puppy, but it does get better.

That said, as should be clear from all of the other responses by now, you do have a husband problem. When the kids go to bed one night, have a serious heart to heart with him. The dog NEEDS to be trained. The dog NEEDS to be fed, walked, groomed. Ask him: is he going to step up, or does he agree with you that this may have been a mistake?

My advice to people thinking about getting a dog is don't do it. we have a dog, and I love her. But she is a lot of work, and any training I do is not backed up by spouse or kids. They have different ideas about what it is about a dog that is OK (Jumping on Grandma when she's specifically said she doesn't like it? They don't seem to realize that the dog need to be taught to not jump ALL of the time in order for her to not jump on Grandma. Begging at the table? They think it's cute. Dog needs a walk? All of a sudden they are busy)

When this dog passes away I will strongly advocate for not getting another.

My husband is clueless as well, actually that’s driven by his aspergers, we now know. He has no common sense.

But because he got good grades in school, he thinks everything is easy and leads people on when talking. You know, he heard a guy talking or a YouTube. Or he will soon.

He’s literally “planned vacations” that has nothing but flights, said he’d build a shed yet doesn’t know anything about power tools, claimed he knew how to downhill ski (never had) and massively injured himself, and he even faked his way onto a hunting trip only to be shunted into the blind the whole time with no gun once they caught on.

Just sheer cluelessness. So when he says krap like: let’s go buy a big house and yard in Potomac, or let’s take the kids to the middle of nowhere XYZ to visit a distant relative, or let’s get a dog. I know he’s full of krap, it’s DOA, and he won’t lift a finger.

Anonymous wrote:I had a dog for 15 years who has now passed and was the absolute light of my life and also... so much work. In non covid times you have to deal with dog walkers, vets bills when they get into stuff and get sick, and dealing with finding care for them when you travel. When you love the dog it’s ok bc you love them so much. If you don’t, this is going to be a real pain. I’d rehome it now as a lesson learned.

+1

My story is similar; I got my dog when he was 10 weeks old and he passed when he was 12 years old. I loved him so much and still miss him. Dogs are the absolute best, but yes, also a lot of work. The early years were intense, and I put a lot of work into training him. All absolutely a labor of love and he was awesome. I am now a single mom of a preschooler and while I plan on getting another dog at some point, I know the work (and money) involved in being a responsible dog owner and I just do not have the time or energy right now that a dog deserves.

I agree that the best option for all involved is to rehome the dog (nothing to be ashamed of, by the way!). You can revisit getting a dog in the future and take the time to weigh all factors, with the added knowledge you now have of how much work it is. Don't flog yourself over this!

If you were already doing the majority of parenting work, I'm not sure why you thought all of a sudden your DH would suddenly do the bulk of caring for a dog.

Lol, because he said he would? I love how people are like "but why should men actually be held accountable"?

On the real I'd return that dog in a hot second. If you love dogs, mazel tov. If you don't it's like someone asking you to babysit their moderately to poorly behaved 4 yr old. Forever. In my house you don't volunteer other adults for babysitting duty.

Anonymous wrote:The people suggesting chore charts etc are nuts...kids and husband don’t give a crap so a chore chart is just going to cause fights.

OP, the advice I always give is that the responsibility of the dog always falls on mom. So, getting a dog is mom’s and only mom’s choice.

Now you need to decide what to do: 1) take dog back to where you got it 2) dig in and love the dog and take full responsibility yourself.

I'd do the chore chart because it allows them to take ownership of and responsibility for what seems inevitable, which is returning or rehoming the dog. Give them a month. When they all fail to take care of the dog, because what they wanted was the fun and not the work, then the dog goes back and it's their fault, not yours. I'd be clear: "I didn't want a dog. You all assured me that you would take care of the dog, but you aren't doing that. The dog needs to be trained, fed, brushed, and taken outside X times a day. Here is a chart listing all the things that need to be done. If they are not, the dog goes back. I'm simply not going to do all the work; it's not fair. If you want a dog, you need to take care of it. At the end of the day, I will do all the chores you have not done. If, at the end of the month, I have done more than X chores, the dog is going back." At the end, you look at the chart and see who actually did what. If you have done more chores than whatever limit you set at the beginning of the month, the dog goes back. Done.

Definitely a husband problem and not a dog problem.

Husband not taking responsibility.

Ultimatum: kids and husband take reasonable amount of responsibility for dog or dog is rehomed. Responsibility could be that DH hires walker and trainer, takes dog to vet, ensures dog supplies are available and organized, but only if that is acceptable to you.

It will get better and I was in the same situation but no kids at home instead of school. But, we were living in an apartment in Bethesda and moving and DH decided to get a dog 10 days before moving! Tiny puppy proceeded to get deadly sick within 5 days of us getting him. I ended up emergency care feeding him with a suringe day and night, well, mostly water. Golden, then DH went to work overseas 4 years into having a dog and has been overseas for 5 years, with trips here! I mean, ok, DH had no choice, but nobody listens to me. Dog is mine, kids cared for all of 2 months. I have a cat I got in similar way, but I am more of a car person. I have a hate/love relationship with the dog. I walk him over 6 miles per day. He is older now, and still my house is a mess, he makes me walk and I can't sleep if he is not in his spot! Pain in everything! So, I get what you are saying. The whole dog thing is for people that truly love dogs, not for me. And who feeds dog non stop? DH(when here) and kids and then I have to listen to the vet ordering me to get him to lose weight! And I do, twice he lost 10lbs nad more and then DH comes home for r&r and gets him fat again!

The people suggesting chore charts etc are nuts...kids and husband don’t give a crap so a chore chart is just going to cause fights.

OP, the advice I always give is that the responsibility of the dog always falls on mom. So, getting a dog is mom’s and only mom’s choice.

Now you need to decide what to do: 1) take dog back to where you got it 2) dig in and love the dog and take full responsibility yourself.

OP, I felt this way. The damn puppy nearly broke me.

Now he’s 2 and the best addition ever. And he’s lazy. He loves to cuddle. In the spastic chewing phase (he chewed table legs, baseboard, etc ) I was about to lose it. I found a lady who became a good friend that had a 1-year old dog that became my dog’s best friend. A serious romp in the backyard would tire him out.

I WAH so the bulk of the work was on me because kids were in school and husband was at work. I hired a trainer who took him a few hours a day for a few weeks.

I am glad I didn’t return him. So glad. He is really a family member, like a third brother.

My kids walk him on school breaks and feed him, etc.

It’s temporary pain for long term gain.

Anonymous wrote:Family meeting which can be a teaching moment for the kids (and your DH) about how you all made the choice to get a dog and you all need to participate in training the dogs. Kids can teach lessons like "sit" which are easy and stepping stones for the dog to understand that he/she needs to listen and gets a reward for doing so. DH can work on more complex tasks (stay--which requires more work). Find a few good youtube videos on training. I'd put effort into getting the family to work together before thinking about getting rid of the dog. My .02

+1 I grew up on a farm and knew all about the level of effort needed - and it's easier on a farm than in suburbia! Like you, DH and the kids were all about a dog and I wasn't. I suggest you do what I did: Write up a contract outlining expectations and responsibilities. At the end of the contract, I noted that if the kids don't hold up their end of things, we would return the dog. I reviewed the contract with them every day for a month (they were 9, 8 and 6). I then had them sign it and made them pay for the dog so it will always be 'their' dog, not mine.

No matter what you do, you're going to look like the 'bad guy'. Make the choice that gives you the most relief. If that means you return the dog, so be it. That doesn't make you a bad person, just not a dog person (which is okay). Demand for dogs in this area is higher than supply and your dog WILL be re-homed. Let go of the guilt. Good luck!

I'd return the dog.

Throw money at the problem. Send the dog to one of those training facilities. It’ll come back to you a different, more obedient dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really cannot understand people who surrender their entire quality of life to a dog.

Don’t let the dog get out!
Don’t let the dog jump on the grandma!
The neighbor is calling about the dog’s barking!
The dog ate the steak we were going to have for dinner!
The dog chewed up my new shoes!
We have to get home now to walk the dog!
Hold the dog!!!!

Ugh.

Good luck, OP.

We have two dogs. Funny, we don't have any of these issues.

Don’t let the dog get out! Doggie door to backyard. They can go out as they please.
Don’t let the dog jump on the grandma! Grandma loves them
The neighbor is calling about the dog’s barking!Don't bark at the neighbor, who loves them too
The dog ate the steak we were going to have for dinner!Can't reach the counter
The dog chewed up my new shoes!Can't open doors to get to shoes
We have to get home now to walk the dog!See answer #1
Hold the dog!!!!Between Grandma and the neighbors and kids they get held plenty

Yep, we just surrendered our whole quality of life.

I think you are either a dog person or you aren't. Right? I was dogless for almost 15 years. I finally got one, and I'm just awed at how much happier I am day in and day out.

Also, training really does help. Makes the dog happier and makes the family happier.