Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, the issue is that he doesn't get to identify your priorities. Household priorities should be a joint decision. He's not your boss, he's your partner. You may, perhaps, have accepted these tasks in the past but roles/tasks in a marriage are always up for renegotiation when it's not working for one partner. In this odd time, we are all strained in ways we previously weren't. I would say your DH is less impacted than you since he still leaves the house for work while you now have the kids for DL when you used to be home alone or with fewer kids.

My advice is to wait until there's a moment of calm and have this discussion. Good luck.

Thank you for articulating what I could not. You are exactly right and I think that’s a big part of why we are having this disconnect. Nothing has really changed for DH after the pandemic, so he can’t even understand. While for me, everything has. The kids are now home with me 24/7. It’s a challenge just to go shopping. I don’t have my social outlets. Navigating all the changes with the schools. Even the contractors are harder to find and book. He just isn’t getting it.

Tell him this:

I run a own and operate rental homes. I have kept one plumber who owns his own business on my payroll only since April because I have increased maintenance needs with most of my tenants being home more often. He used to respond to single calls but now does not. My carpet installation company will drop all other business to replace carpets in my homes in the spring because leases are up at the same time and several of them need new carpet. Any time contractors can get bigger jobs than a single family residence, they will take it. They are doing big business right now with small company contracts and will take a long time to even get back to you if they do at all. Just say you are calling. They will respond when they want to. It is frustrating for individuals but it's the nature of contracting.

My DH is kinda like that. Explaining that I'm busy or overwhelmed over whatever has never worked. It just turns into a pissing contest of "well *I* do XYZ!!"

I just started treating it the way I would a kid's tantrums. You don't try to reason with a toddler, you just state it and stay firm.

"I can't call contractors right now. If you'd like it done, you're free to call them and I'll be on board with whatever contractor you decide on"

"I agree, you probably can't trust me to complete these things in a timely manner. You can call around and I'll be on board with whoever you decide"

"Yes, I'm going on a walk with friends. If you'd like the contractors called, you are free to do so".

Don't get pulled into the argument. Be the adult.

Your DH is being a dick. Honestly I would have lost my ish at him on Saturday. Screw him. Stop doing everything but the necessities which are nearly impossible right now anyway. Tell him to screw himself. Counseling or he can go f himself.

Anonymous wrote:Team husband. You are home all day and kids are in front of a screen. You can’t make a couple phone calls in your day? Surely you take a shit once a day. You can’t call while on the toilet? If it’s important to him then I think it’s fair that you atleast try to get stuff done that he wants. Putting a phone call off for more months is a bit ridiculous in my eyes

This is what you think virtual learning is?

In fact her DH seems to be the one relying on screens -- can't even read a real book to his children and let's them listen/watch a book on his phone? Come on.

I keep reading the subject line as “fisting” and the answer is “whoever isn’t using enough lube.”