Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:10     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?


Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.


I'd actually be surprised if that's true, since the paperwork involved is front-loaded before the birth of the child. Now, I'm *absolutely* not suggesting that the OP lie. That's a terrible idea. The workplace certainly could demand documentation, and if they catch you in a lie, it's absolutely a fireable offense.

OP- you're definitely in a really unfortunate situation. I think there were bound to be people in this situation no matter what, but it's got to be tough that you ended up with the short straw.

You should definitely look into getting donated sick leave *to care for your wife* after delivery. The OPM guidance instructs agencies to be rather liberal in their interpretation of the family-friend sick leave policies to grant parents several weeks during which they can use sick leave, not just annual leave. You could also try to get some donated leave. A lot of people at my agency are likely to have a ton of use-or-lose at the end of the year, so there might be a lot of people out there willing to donate leave.


Yea. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I needed a birth certificate and a letter from my OB.


To do what? The parental leave policy isn't in place yet, so you obviously didn't provide a birth certificate for that.

To take sick leave after the birth of my kid, I needed to give the benefits specialist a birth certificate to get him on insurance, but that was it. No documentation was needed for the timekeeper/managers.



You are so dense. You have to give an anticipated date ahead of time and then follow up with documentation of the actual date of birth. The leave is based on the date of birth or placement, not due date or any other arbitrary date. You can take the leave within the first year.

Please just look up the interim guidelines. On the inter web.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:06     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:I don't know OP. Don't you have something more important going on at the moment? Kinda odd BS to bit*hing about.


Not OP but 3 months of paid leave vs 0 paid months (aside for
All your saved annual) is a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:05     Subject: My wife just went into labor
I'm sorry it sucks.

I'm mad for you too.

And so are the many federal workers who never saw a dime of paid parental leave.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:05     Subject: Re:My wife just went into labor
OP, first congratulation! Is the baby doing fine? I totally agree with you and it sucks. I heard that some agencies are applying it retroactively, so it's the luck of the ones with better management.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:04     Subject: Re:My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, it's not going to be implemented Oct 1. Just wait and see.

I also was supposed to benefit from a different rule change. Thanks to COVID that didn't happen and we had to change all of our plans too. Fun times.


Ummmm.... it’s already implemented? I just got all the papers from my Office
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:02     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.


Excuse me?

My husband was absolutely critical in those early days, to my mental sanity. He took care of keeping the house running, keeping me fed, etc. He also wanted to spent time with his kid.

You sound really weird.


My DH was critical too, I suffered a lot when he had to go back and had LONG days at home with baby a lone.


I'm a female with a 50% share partner, but I didn't need dh (I did need him those first few weeks though). I sent him back to work around 6 weeks. Why were you alone with a baby? There are a million moms group activities, stroller strides, baby and mom fitness classes, hospital groups, etc. Maternity leave was the best time in my life. I didn't need dh to be sitting on the couch next to me 24/7. Sure, cook me dinner (he always does though even when he works) and help clean, but those chores aren't needed constantly.


This is incredibly tone deaf, both in terms of not recognizing that women have different post-partum recoveries and in ignoring that OP's wife's maternity leave will be during a global pandemic. "Best time in your life" - okay, good for you. The fact that you can't see that your experience is not universal is odd. I skated very close to PPD brought on by breastfeeding troubles on top of seasonal affective disorder, had a baby in the dead of winter during a horrible flu season so I was advised by ped not to take her places indoors and other than short walks didn't enjoy being outdoors with her, and was happy to have another parent there to take her so I could nap or cry in the shower.

And the real point of this thread is that OP wants to be with his wife and newborn. He is entitled to that desire and to not be told he's wrong to want that time. All these comments about how dads are useless or superfluous or secretly hate being around their wives/children are just people dumping their own neuroses in the thread.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:02     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand why the father needs to get paid time off? The mother is the one recovering.


He's caring for wife and baby. Like how grandmas used to help back in the day. I couldn't move the first few days after birth. And I nursed every 2 hours round the clock so didn't get more than 2 hours of sleep for a month or two (sleep deprivation affected my ability to drive and carry on conversations). I think 6 weeks is sufficient though... I personally think men should do 6 weeks and then when wife returns back to work, another 6 weeks. I don't think feds can split up leave though like that.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 12:00     Subject: My wife just went into labor
I really don’t understand why the father needs to get paid time off? The mother is the one recovering.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:54     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.


Excuse me?

My husband was absolutely critical in those early days, to my mental sanity. He took care of keeping the house running, keeping me fed, etc. He also wanted to spent time with his kid.

You sound really weird.


My DH was critical too, I suffered a lot when he had to go back and had LONG days at home with baby a lone.


I'm a female with a 50% share partner, but I didn't need dh (I did need him those first few weeks though). I sent him back to work around 6 weeks. Why were you alone with a baby? There are a million moms group activities, stroller strides, baby and mom fitness classes, hospital groups, etc. Maternity leave was the best time in my life. I didn't need dh to be sitting on the couch next to me 24/7. Sure, cook me dinner (he always does though even when he works) and help clean, but those chores aren't needed constantly.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:48     Subject: My wife just went into labor
When number 1 was born, I spent nights with her because she wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes unless she was on someone. We watched a lot of TV and had some great bonding time while DW got some sleep
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:43     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.


Excuse me?

My husband was absolutely critical in those early days, to my mental sanity. He took care of keeping the house running, keeping me fed, etc. He also wanted to spent time with his kid.

You sound really weird.


My DH was critical too, I suffered a lot when he had to go back and had LONG days at home with baby a lone.


I assume that poster was just a troll, right?
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:34     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.


Excuse me?

My husband was absolutely critical in those early days, to my mental sanity. He took care of keeping the house running, keeping me fed, etc. He also wanted to spent time with his kid.

You sound really weird.


My DH was critical too, I suffered a lot when he had to go back and had LONG days at home with baby a lone.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:33     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:First congrats on the kid, secondly as a dad as well, no dad should be around that long at the beginning trust me on this. You don't want to be around. do your part to help by giving her space and time.


You're a shitty husband and father.


+1000. A relic from the 1950s.


every guy reading this is saying the same thing, they just don't want you to know.


That's not true, but it is true that assholes of all stripes always tell themselves that everyone secretly agrees with them and they're the only ones brave enough to say it. Many men are actually good parents. You couldn't get my DH away from DD as a newborn with a crowbar, he certainly wasn't hiding from his responsibilities and trying not to be around. Hell, he accused me of "hogging" her in in the hospital. There was no secret desire to disappear that he tamped down for appearances.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:24     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?


Yes, of course you have to provide a birth certificate you idiot.


I'd actually be surprised if that's true, since the paperwork involved is front-loaded before the birth of the child. Now, I'm *absolutely* not suggesting that the OP lie. That's a terrible idea. The workplace certainly could demand documentation, and if they catch you in a lie, it's absolutely a fireable offense.

OP- you're definitely in a really unfortunate situation. I think there were bound to be people in this situation no matter what, but it's got to be tough that you ended up with the short straw.

You should definitely look into getting donated sick leave *to care for your wife* after delivery. The OPM guidance instructs agencies to be rather liberal in their interpretation of the family-friend sick leave policies to grant parents several weeks during which they can use sick leave, not just annual leave. You could also try to get some donated leave. A lot of people at my agency are likely to have a ton of use-or-lose at the end of the year, so there might be a lot of people out there willing to donate leave.


Yea. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I needed a birth certificate and a letter from my OB.


To do what? The parental leave policy isn't in place yet, so you obviously didn't provide a birth certificate for that.

To take sick leave after the birth of my kid, I needed to give the benefits specialist a birth certificate to get him on insurance, but that was it. No documentation was needed for the timekeeper/managers.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2020 11:22     Subject: My wife just went into labor
Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. Maybe I will get totally flamed for this, and I’m sorry that this is how my mind works, but what verification is needed in order to take the lead? I’m not really aware of any. It’s not like you have to provide a birth certificate or some thing. Your wife will probably be discharged from the hospital on one October. I mean, can you just tell your supervisor that that’s when the kid was born?


NP I was wondering the same. I am a fed and used my own sick and annual leave. I used 2 days of sick leave for hospital and then my 6 weeks of permitted sick leave use started the day I left, then 6 weeks of my annual leave. So my actual maternity leave didn't start until I left the hospital.