Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said that she’s used prescription drugs for 20+ years. Were those prescribed for her use by her doctors? I think you don’t recognize that she could have a real illness that’s beyond her control, rather than just a difficult personality.

You can’t take it personally.

“Growing up she was beyond abusive”, and your advice is that OP isn’t recognizing the truth of the situation, and she shouldn’t take it personally?

I pray you’re not a therapist.

Interesting how you believe hook line and sinker about "beyond abusive" with no substance. I agree with the first poster that there are more questions than not about OP's post.

OP has posted about this before. There aren’t really questions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said that she’s used prescription drugs for 20+ years. Were those prescribed for her use by her doctors? I think you don’t recognize that she could have a real illness that’s beyond her control, rather than just a difficult personality.

You can’t take it personally.

“Growing up she was beyond abusive”, and your advice is that OP isn’t recognizing the truth of the situation, and she shouldn’t take it personally?

I pray you’re not a therapist.

Interesting how you believe hook line and sinker about "beyond abusive" with no substance. I agree with the first poster that there are more questions than not about OP's post.

Your dad is an enabler. He may seem great, but he’s not blameless here. Get distance from both of them.

I’m sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are experiencing the personal effects of life long trauma that comes from being raised by someone who is mentally ill. It is blocking you from living fully. It is also blocking you from seeing your mother as a human being outside of yourself and your relationship with her.

Look for help to begin to heal. As a starting point, have you taken the ACE test?

https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/

Well, I’m 10/10 on the Aces test, so that’s depressing...

Are you in therapy?

Anonymous wrote:If anything were to happen to your dad, would you be expected to take care of your mom? Would she be able to live independently?

No she cannot live independently at all. I truly have no idea what we would do.

If anything were to happen to your dad, would you be expected to take care of your mom? Would she be able to live independently?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are experiencing the personal effects of life long trauma that comes from being raised by someone who is mentally ill. It is blocking you from living fully. It is also blocking you from seeing your mother as a human being outside of yourself and your relationship with her.

Look for help to begin to heal. As a starting point, have you taken the ACE test?

https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/

Well, I’m 10/10 on the Aces test, so that’s depressing...

I've been there. Prepare that the verbal attacks and acting out may escalate. At some point you have to draw the line as to if you can subject your kids to the outbursts. We varied between the kids not visiting at times, or visiting with us taking 2 cars so one adult could leave with the kids instantly if needed, while the other adult finished up the visit quickly. Then of course protecting your own mental health and well being.

Is there respite care involved to assist your father? Any services he can access to make his days easier. They burn out. Make sure he is looking after his own health, sometimes they get so focused on caring for the other they overlook their own health issues.

While in my head I know my mom could not control much of what she did and said, the relentlessness of it still took a heavy toll. She was so resistant to following any medical advice and often refused any outside help. Sometimes you have to switch focus, to how you can help and advise the stable parent.

Op here- I’ll try and answer of the questions that have been asked

-no my father doesn’t have help, my mom does not have friend or family that she hasn’t pushed away. She is extremely abusive to my dad as well, but he feels he has no choice but to take care of her.

-my dad does feel guilty that he didn’t do more to help when I was younger. However, some of it he didn’t know because when I would tell my dad the things she did to me, they would get in explosive fights and my mom told me I was trying to ruin their marriage and they would get a divorce if I didn’t stop telling them.

-The meds are prescribed to her. The doctor she had for over 10 years who was giving them them to her was practicing on an expired license( I was a child so I didn’t know) Anytime I was injured as child(broken arm, tonsil surgery, wisdom teeth) she took my pain medication. She also abuses benzos as well. She is flagged in the ER, so she doesn’t go there much anymore, but she still doctors shops until she can find someone to write her prescription

-She sees a psychiatrist but she would not consent to anyone of us talking to him, so I think she just feeds hims a bunch of lies.