Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

This. The level of deception, commitment, and feelings/attachment that go into making a 3 year affair work is something I could never forgive. It would be immediate divorce.

If he was banging her once a month that doesn’t take a high level of commitment if he was seeing her a few times per week that’s completely different.

Is this what people tell themselves when choosing to stay with a cheating spouse? Wow.

In long marriages 20+ years, yes. Kids involved that would have to split their homes and sleep in different places? Yes.

It all depends on circumstances, the individuals and how the marriage was prior to the affair. The more you study infidelity and men you will learn that men in happy marriages will cheat (up to 60%). Studies reveal men in affairs rage have some of the highest marital satisfaction while women in affairs have some of the lowest marital satisfaction.

The question is what is he doing now? How is he acting? Is he in therapy? Were you happy prior? To throw away a 20+ year marriage on a midlife crisis and unaddressed issues is a fool’s errand and highly detrimental to the kids. Now, if this was a pattern and the marriage had always been riddled with problems and the affair was much more—different set of issues. It’s a fallacy that once a cheater always a cheater. Those that see the hurt and devastation in their spouse and do the work never want to go there again.

Nobody should judge anyone else. I’m fact, there are sooooo many people that face this issue in their marriage, make it work and come out stronger. You would never guess how many friends. Neighbors or even family may have suffered in silence. People don’t tell others about affairs.

I’ve been married for 15 years, together for 20. We are still deeply in love after all these years, not just two people who share a house. So any infidelity from either of us would be such a massive betrayal that our marriage would have to end. I just cannot fathom doing the math on my spouse “only banging her X amount of times per month” and choosing to stay. Have some self respect, people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

This. The level of deception, commitment, and feelings/attachment that go into making a 3 year affair work is something I could never forgive. It would be immediate divorce.

If he was banging her once a month that doesn’t take a high level of commitment if he was seeing her a few times per week that’s completely different.

Is this what people tell themselves when choosing to stay with a cheating spouse? Wow.

In long marriages 20+ years, yes. Kids involved that would have to split their homes and sleep in different places? Yes.

It all depends on circumstances, the individuals and how the marriage was prior to the affair. The more you study infidelity and men you will learn that men in happy marriages will cheat (up to 60%). Studies reveal men in affairs rage have some of the highest marital satisfaction while women in affairs have some of the lowest marital satisfaction.

The question is what is he doing now? How is he acting? Is he in therapy? Were you happy prior? To throw away a 20+ year marriage on a midlife crisis and unaddressed issues is a fool’s errand and highly detrimental to the kids. Now, if this was a pattern and the marriage had always been riddled with problems and the affair was much more—different set of issues. It’s a fallacy that once a cheater always a cheater. Those that see the hurt and devastation in their spouse and do the work never want to go there again.

Nobody should judge anyone else. I’m fact, there are sooooo many people that face this issue in their marriage, make it work and come out stronger. You would never guess how many friends. Neighbors or even family may have suffered in silence. People don’t tell others about affairs.

I’ve been married for 15 years, together for 20. We are still deeply in love after all these years, not just two people who share a house. So any infidelity from either of us would be such a massive betrayal that our marriage would have to end. I just cannot fathom doing the math on my spouse “only banging her X amount of times per month” and choosing to stay. Have some self respect, people.

Here is the thing, many women felt exactly as you. They still had sex 3-4 times per week to a loving, involved husband. Someone nobody ever could fathom would do this. The majority never get caught. Ever. As a therapist, you would be floored if you knew how many women like you are being cheated on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 3 yrs that was his girlfriend.

This. The level of deception, commitment, and feelings/attachment that go into making a 3 year affair work is something I could never forgive. It would be immediate divorce.

If he was banging her once a month that doesn’t take a high level of commitment if he was seeing her a few times per week that’s completely different.

Is this what people tell themselves when choosing to stay with a cheating spouse? Wow.

In long marriages 20+ years, yes. Kids involved that would have to split their homes and sleep in different places? Yes.

It all depends on circumstances, the individuals and how the marriage was prior to the affair. The more you study infidelity and men you will learn that men in happy marriages will cheat (up to 60%). Studies reveal men in affairs rage have some of the highest marital satisfaction while women in affairs have some of the lowest marital satisfaction.

The question is what is he doing now? How is he acting? Is he in therapy? Were you happy prior? To throw away a 20+ year marriage on a midlife crisis and unaddressed issues is a fool’s errand and highly detrimental to the kids. Now, if this was a pattern and the marriage had always been riddled with problems and the affair was much more—different set of issues. It’s a fallacy that once a cheater always a cheater. Those that see the hurt and devastation in their spouse and do the work never want to go there again.

Nobody should judge anyone else. I’m fact, there are sooooo many people that face this issue in their marriage, make it work and come out stronger. You would never guess how many friends. Neighbors or even family may have suffered in silence. People don’t tell others about affairs.

I’ve been married for 15 years, together for 20. We are still deeply in love after all these years, not just two people who share a house. So any infidelity from either of us would be such a massive betrayal that our marriage would have to end. I just cannot fathom doing the math on my spouse “only banging her X amount of times per month” and choosing to stay. Have some self respect, people.

Here is the thing, many women felt exactly as you. They still had sex 3-4 times per week to a loving, involved husband. Someone nobody ever could fathom would do this. The majority never get caught. Ever. As a therapist, you would be floored if you knew how many women like you are being cheated on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to wrap my head around why you would even entertain staying married to him. Do you have zero dignity?

Listen, she may have a great deal of dignity and a person entertains staying for a lot of potential reasons, including a love for their partner and children, a long deep history together and a commitment to being a thoughtful person (which means you give yourself time to process what is truly a trauma...and you do that for yourself, your future and your children). He lacks dignity, not her...don't confuse them.

Op, you will get through this. Get yourself a great therapist, take it day by day, read and educate yourself and know that whatever you choose, you will be ok. Intuitively, over time, you will find your way. Either way. Take care of yourself, sending you good vibes.

A lot of us have been through it. Get yourself support and know, you are not alone.