I think it depends on how young you are when you have them. I had all four of my kids before 30. I gained very little weight so there was really none to lose, and my stomach was flat within weeks of giving birth. I think if I had my kids older, it would have much more challenging to lose the weight.

I’m so glad to hear you’re so thin. Let’s give OP an award for being better than the fat moms.

Anonymous wrote:I"m actually more amazed at all the women that let their minds go when they have children -- stop paying attention to the news, stopping learning new things, spend too much time gossipping and don't talk about anything except baby poop. I wish there was less judgement of people's bodies and more acknowledgement of all the other unhealthy and sad ways we change when we have children -- that are also preventable.

My mother called it the lost decade when the kids were little. She eventually started a new career when I was in middle school, made six figures when I was in college, then changed careers again.

Life is long. Eventually you'll outgrow your judgmental phase.

There is a thing called genetics. It's crazy, google it.

It’s hypocritical to point fingers at others for (subjective) character flaws while you ignore, even celebrate, your own glaring ones.

Cool. You win, huh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:/\ also OP is a jerk who should worry more about her personality disorder than someone else's extra 20 pounds

Why do you say OP has a personality disorder? Jerk or judgmental maybe, but what kind of personality disorder are you thinking?

Best case scenario: OP has a specific issue with her family and wants to vent about it, but knows she'll come off as super catty if she tells anyone she knows, so she shares it here just to get it out of her system. Maybe she's not this judgmental and awful in the rest of her life, she just resents these one or two family members for a variety of reasons and is fixating on this petty thing about them and wants to be able to say it out loud. Best case scenario, she's hung up on a relationship issue and being kind of petty.

Worst case scenario, this is jwho she is, she goes through life judging people not only for how they look but assuming that their weight and appearance are evidence of their inferiority as humans. She's posting here knowing it's going to make a lot of people defensive and angry, that's part of the goal for her, a troll in the truest sense -- she enjoys feeling superior to others and will say and do provocative things in order to get that feeling. Worse case scenario, she is a full blown narcissist and even has sociopathic tendencies (not violent ones, most sociopaths are not violent, they just lack the ability to empathize).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:/\ also OP is a jerk who should worry more about her personality disorder than someone else's extra 20 pounds

Why do you say OP has a personality disorder? Jerk or judgmental maybe, but what kind of personality disorder are you thinking?

Probably because she’s asking a question she already knew the answer to.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the same poster who is shocked, SHOCKED, that the overweight women she judges aren’t tripping over themselves for her diet advice??

I bet she is!

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative who constantly excuses the weight gain of family members by saying they are “moms” and pregnancy caused the weight gain. Never mind the children are now like 10 or more years old. She gets defensive if anyone even mentions dieting and views the moms with Madonna like awe. Another woman who doesn’t have kids, is overweight because of menopause. I myself have children (more kids than the overweight ones in fact) and am now peri-menopausal but manage to maintain a sub-19 BMI, workout everyday (strength and cardio) and cook wholesome food every meal. I recognize it’s harder now to stay thin due to peri menopause and have to work at it. I think pregnancy is too often a cop out for weight problems especially when your kids are 8 or 20-years-old. These people eat too much, and don’t exercise enough. That’s the real reason.

I am surprised anyone had sex with you....ever. Ugly inside and out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:/\ also OP is a jerk who should worry more about her personality disorder than someone else's extra 20 pounds

Why do you say OP has a personality disorder? Jerk or judgmental maybe, but what kind of personality disorder are you thinking?

Not PP but I do think OP's comments indicated more than just a regular amount of judgmental thinking. I find it interesting that she specifically dislikes that people "use" pregnancy as an excuse. This is an interesting way to frame it because it puts her in the role of arbiter -- she decides if you need to lose weight, and she decides what an acceptable reason for not losing weight is. A mentally healthy person does not think about other people this way. You might judge someone else, you might even judge them for something petty and shallow like their weight. But since their weight isn't really any of your business, why would you care one way or another what they blame their weight issues on? If instead of blaming pregnancy for weight gain, women blamed stress, would she decide that is an acceptable explanation? No, of course not. She has decided that her explanation (laziness) is the only possible one and she is holding everyone else to the same standard even though any thinking person can see that people have very different experiences with bodies and weight. Even the peri-menopause stuff she mentions -- it's like it never occurs to her that menopause varies a lot from woman to woman and there is no universal experience.

So yeah, this reads as some light narcissism laced with control issues. The rigidity of her thinking, in particular, is a problem. Also lack of empathy towards other people. I wouldn't go so far as to say she has NPD or that she's borderline -- I'd need a lot more information. But yeah, she is displaying a lot of personality issues that indicate the problem is 100% her approach to other people, and not the other people.

Anonymous wrote:/\ also OP is a jerk who should worry more about her personality disorder than someone else's extra 20 pounds

Why do you say OP has a personality disorder? Jerk or judgmental maybe, but what kind of personality disorder are you thinking?

Anonymous wrote:OP i agree with you, people gain weight and can't lose weight because they eat too much. I get it. I gained a lot of weight in pregnancy (ate way too much and used pregnancy as an excuse to eat more) and struggled for years to take it off. Pregnancy was the main reason I gained the weight, but it wasn't the reason I couldn't lose it. Sure I give mothers a pass the first few years because it is exhausting and time is limited, but like anything in life, you make time for your priorities.

Not sure why this even comes up though or why this family member or any family member is discussing anyone's weight. That is just odd.

I gained about 50 pounds per kid (2 kids). I lost the weight. My doctor told me I was gaining too much weight. I told him that I was gaining b/c I was pregnant. He said no, your gaining because you're eating too much. Stop eating so much. You aren't eating for 2, you are eating for .2. You do have to work hard to lose it. It doesn't just come off.

/\ also OP is a jerk who should worry more about her personality disorder than someone else's extra 20 pounds

Anonymous wrote:I"m actually more amazed at all the women that let their minds go when they have children -- stop paying attention to the news, stopping learning new things, spend too much time gossipping and don't talk about anything except baby poop. I wish there was less judgement of people's bodies and more acknowledgement of all the other unhealthy and sad ways we change when we have children -- that are also preventable.

I am so over this. I am a woman who has three children. They aren't the topic of every conversation I have. I have a job and interests and a deeply rewarding (and egalitarian) relationship with my husband. But I have three kids five and under and they are very important to me. And I think about poop a lot because its a daily issue that comes up in my life. I know what's going on in the news, but when people have a child, its a monumental undertaking and change to your life. And if a woman wants to throw themselves into fully experiencing the first few years of their child's life, then they should effing do it.

I have felt this pressure to just, not talk about my kids very much, because people aren't interested. But if someone is interested in me, as a person my actual likes and dislikes and interests, then they should be interested in my kids. Because they ARE the biggest thing in my life right now and that's ok and it doesn't make me a less interesting or unique person.