Remember the DCUM adage, especially if the genders were reversed: once a cheater, always a cheater.

OP here. I got more information from her. He was a guy she was interested in but it never worked out. They had sex once before we had sex ( we had sex a week later on fifth date) and she said she realized she was more into me and wanted to only date me. It was within the first month and we were not exclusive. I’m going to move forward with her but I’m not proposing when I had planned. I think I’m going to give it more time and see how things go before I make any more decisions about it.

Since you’re not sure you were exclusive, then what is bothering you? Is it that your friend knows the guy? Would you be OK if the guy was a total stranger?

Don’t let your ego ruin something good!

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

OP here. She only slept with him once.

Anonymous wrote:She didn't tell you about it, she says it was a mistake. You are at the beginning of the relationship, nah, I would move on, she's a cheater.

If you think about it she was screwing around on you up to 2 months in and you have been dating for 9 months. So you are looking at getting engaged to someone who you have really been dating exclusively for 7 months. This is way too soon anyway.

If you do decide to stay and I get the feeling you will, I would put off ALL talk of engagements until you have dated her at least 2 years. However she won't tell you she has cheated in that time as she has already shown you she can lie about that sort of thing. Good luck.

OP here. Not sure where you got all of this but we have been dating for longer than 9 months. We have been dating for a little over a year. Not too early when you’re in your thirties. She’s 35 and I’m 37.

Anonymous wrote:New generation. I don’t know any of my Gen X friends who, when’d they are regularly dating someone, will be having sexual intercourse with relative strangers. It seems pretty extreme to me. I think I’m not alone on this.

Completely agree. I am Gen X so this is so foreign to me. If you were dating someone you weren't having sex with other people. I guess OP needs to work out if they were exclusive or not because his girlfriend doesn't seem to think they were and was seeing other people in the early days of their relationship. More telling is that she was in a relationship with both as she told the other guy she can't see him anymore as she is serious with someone else meaning, she was having regular sex with him while dating op. It just seems yuck all round. Essentially she could have been having sex with both guys on the same day, it's just so yuck.

“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh geezus bro...man the F up!

- signed a woman

And?? Dump her? (Not OP)

No! I just read the anniversary thread in recent topics and I almost puked. I'm not hardwired like a woman. Mailing cards and anniversaries make me cringe. I do it, for sure, but I don't want to. Of course I'm projecting on poor OP. Some guys are sensitive and that's good. My husband is great about fanfare and cards...omg the cards.

I'm a complete mush when it comes to my son. He's 17!

I'm a woman. Divorced. When I meet people I assume they have somebody they are sleeping with/dating and only hold them accountable to the things we have discussed and agreed to, ie monogamy/exclusivity. If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days (you can't even remember if you two were exclusive) overshadow a great year (I think that's how you described it). But since you weren't able to let it go yesterday (and I suspect part of the issue is that your friend knows) and are still worked up about it today, that you will not be able to let it go. Because the time to let it go was yesterday. You have poisoned the waters now. So break up and get back out there and find a new love.

Anonymous wrote:Oh geezus bro...man the F up!

- signed a woman

And?? Dump her? (Not OP)

Oh geezus bro...man the F up!

- signed a woman

DTMF ASAP

New generation. I don’t know any of my Gen X friends who, when’d they are regularly dating someone, will be having sexual intercourse with relative strangers. It seems pretty extreme to me. I think I’m not alone on this.

It’s doesn’t sound like she even cheated on you. You’re mad that she slept with someone while you two were just dating. If you can’t get over that then you should move on for her sake.

If it was very early on and you weren’t exclusive I wouldn’t be thrilled but if the relationship had been going great the past ten months I’d give her a pass. I’m sure she can find a way to make it up to you if you use your imagination.