Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and I am so so so glad I didnt get married in my 20s.

Amen!

OP, the loneliness of the dating years is a gift in disguise. You are figuring out what you value in life, how you enjoy spending your time, what kind of people you are drawn to and who make you feel good. If I'd gotten married before 30, I would have made a terrible choice. People who marry later are less likely to get divorced.

Live your life. Find happiness in what you do have. Trust me when I tell you that you will need that skill in marriage, too.

Same! My husband and I are so happy we didn’t meet and marry until our 30’s. We had so much fun in our 20’s and were completely ready (emotionally, financially, career-wise) to have a family.

Dh and I started dating at 18/19, married at 25/26 and were done having kids by 30. We were at least 5+ years ahead of all of our friends and people thought we were nuts!

Anonymous wrote:My god I hardly know anyone who didn’t

+1 Met at 31/32; Married at 34/35; baby at 36/37. Might have another, not sure.

It's only a problem if you want 4 kids or something.

Wanted to add, maybe consider a little bit of therapy. You being single should not mean you feeling like damaged goods, you feeling better about you will very likely lead to more and better quality dating choices.

My sister met her husband at 31 and he was 37 they married 2 years later and seem very happy together, a good fit.


OP I'm 30+ a single a little older than you so more I;ve seen more of my friends marry and divorce. What I have learned from them is to not ti idealize marriage, so that you become miserable as a single person and rush into just to meet an arbitrary deadline and end up with a miserable marriage or divorced and coparenting with someone you don't like very much.

Anonymous wrote:I’m losing hope
Anyone able to settle down after 30s?

I feel like I’m damaged goods

I was 31; got married at 36

Anonymous wrote:NP and I don't think it's stupid at all. I married at almost 33; DH 30.

OP, before you lose hope, I recommend you search your past for old friends and aquaintences. My DH was an old boyfriend's roommate; we all went to grad school together.

I think once out of school, it can be hard to meet people. But if it's someone you've already known, the courtship can go pretty fast.

It's stupid because damn near everyone gets married after 30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:👤xDH: 35
👤x Me: 28
👶1 kid: 33 (me), and 40 (xDH), with two prior losses
📜Divorced: 35

👩‍👦Me Now: 38, sole custody with active coparenting
👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨Fiancé: 42, No children or prior marriage
🤰Future: Maybe baby could happen, or adoption. But we want to make sure they will have a planet to live on. 🌎

Love yourself first and the rest will follow. Most important thing is to be as healthy and happy being alone as possible. Then you attract the same.

That is so wrong. Looks like that may be why you fxxked it up the first time.

Lol. OK. You’re right, Anonymous 7362950.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 is a baby. What kind of question is this?

I got married at 31 just 6 weeks from my 32 birthday. I was not in love. Not really. The social pressure to marry got to me.

I'm divorced in my early 40s. Don't rush it. Marriage is the worst way to live it if is not the right person.

You are very young and still have time.

Thank you for saying this because it happens a lot more than people are willing to admit. This is another reason to side-eye and challenge 3-day wedding weekend plus instagram hashtag culture, along with ideas about getting married before 30 being critical.

The fertility stuff re: age is real. The rest is not.

I am that PP. Fertility varies widely. I was not planning on kids. I got accidentally pregnant from one time in months at 33 and it is the only reason I stayed as long as I did. Happened again at 37. Some people fertility is easy. Some it is not. Fertility problems are not universal.

OP, please read this!
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html

Anonymous wrote:30 is a baby. What kind of question is this?

I got married at 31 just 6 weeks from my 32 birthday. I was not in love. Not really. The social pressure to marry got to me.

I'm divorced in my early 40s. Don't rush it. Marriage is the worst way to live it if is not the right person.

You are very young and still have time.

Thank you for saying this because it happens a lot more than people are willing to admit. This is another reason to side-eye and challenge 3-day wedding weekend plus instagram hashtag culture, along with ideas about getting married before 30 being critical.

The fertility stuff re: age is real. The rest is not.

We met at 35. Married at 37. Still happy together at 47.

Met in a way you never could have predicted - at an industry conference, in another state - and became friends, then started dating.

Keep your eyes and heart open! You never know when you'll meet your future spouse.

I met my husband when I was 32 at a party I wasn't supposed to be at -- we have been married for 10 years with 2 kids.

Right before I met him I had been on a series of horrible dates and ended up going to a bar alone and cried in my beer after one particularly terrible date (only time I ever went to a bar alone!). I felt hopeless. I met my husband three weeks later.

Sometimes it feels like you will never meet someone (especially in DC), but if you are open and ready, the right person will come along. Open meaning you give people a chance before making quick judgments.

The friends I have who never married or married very late (like 38,39,40) were extremely picky but in a way that seemed unreasonable to me (ie - "I don't like his haircut," he's not XYZ enough, he's not successful enough, some kind of vague "he's not my type" reason not to even try a first date, etc). They only wanted the perfect person, which is impossible to find.

I was 28, but DH was 33. We married at 33/38. Child at 36/41.

My sister met her DH at 38. Now 44 with 2 kids.

Met DH at 38. He was 39. We got married at 40/41. We did have to use fertility treatments and used Donor Eggs to have a kid. But I’m so glad my life unfolded the way it did.

So many friends who married in late 20’s-mid30’s are all now divorced or in horrible marriages (and they are miserable). I made peace with being single forever and that’s when DH walked in to my life.

When you are single, the worst possible life you can imagine having is being single forever. But being in a bad marriage is worse. And a bad divorce, where you have to co-parent, is even worse.

Quit thinking about life being about Single or Married. Start thinking about loving yourself and your life exactly the way it is. And if you aren’t happy with yourself or your life, then figure out what you have to do to be happy, then do it.

Then, it’s less about finding someone (anyone!) to fulfill your life. And more about evaluating if this person will make your happy life even more awesome (and easier).