Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:55
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.
I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.
That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?
Please read a book of child development and educate yourself. This is completely normal behavior in young children.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:53
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.
I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.
That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?
Hmmm. OP here and this might actually be true for the older child. I don't think the preschooler is though. My kids don't really chat up the other adults, but one of them do keep coming around back to me to ask me to play. I tell them that I'm talking with my friends and they can go join with the other kids or I suggest something they can go do.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:48
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:All of these people trying to be rude to a child are setting some terrible examples and acting no better than children themselves. The PP ranting about how she doesn’t want to hear kids sounds like she was raised by wolves. You’re supposed to have enough self control as an adult to say “hey Larlo, your mom and I are talking for a sec, can you go play”. Or just tell the mom you want a grownup lunch date.
OP here. The problem I'm having is that I don't think there's any gentle way of saying something like the above without both the parent and the child getting offended - I just have that feeling. And I'm not looking to be rude to her children. My feeling is it's the mom's responsibility to guide her kids away, not mine, but I don't think there's a way I can say anything to the mom without offending her.
We can't have a grownup lunch date and leave the kids at home, just not logistically possible. We have had one grownup meetup since the start of the pandemic, which was glorious. But they are far and few between.
I may try PP's suggestion of bringing some sort of activity or making one up for the kids to occupy them while we grownups chat.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:45
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.
I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.
That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?
I want to add here, as a mother of a child on the spectrum, that while I have not been diagnosed with autism myself, I am certainly socially awkward. And disciplining or even redirecting my kids in front of others feels awkward and I am not always sure how to do it. Seeing other mothers redirect their own children has been really helpful for me.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:43
Subject: Re:Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:If the child is actually conversing, not interrupting, I don't see how you have any grounds to correct them.
“I am not interested in the opinions of a child” is a perfectly valid ground for telling the kid to pipe down,
This is insanely rude, and I'm of the opinion that the OP should suggest the chatty kids should go play with their friends. It's fine to want grown-up time, it's unequivocally not okay to tell polite kids trying to engage in conversation that their opinions are worthless.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:43
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate it when adults think it’s ok to ignore kids and act like they aren’t there - which it sounds like you do, and you want everyone else to do, too.
I absolutely teach my kids not to interrupt, but if they politely join a conversation - say, we’re talking about our vacation, and the kid chimes in with their favorite parts or little details and forgot - I’m 100% on board. Kids do not learn how to have polite conversation by talking exclusively with other kids. They need to talk to adults as well.
It’s asking a lot of the other adult especially if they have been around kids all day. You the parent think it’s delightful when little Larlo talks (sooo cute!) but the other person probably longing for adult talk. Too much of that and you won’t be talking with that person any more. Not every interaction is about your kids. It’s something you learn as a parent.
I think OP needs to understand "everything is not about you" maybe she missed that in her upbringing.
She sounds like she is starving for attention and it's not her friends job to help her with that.
How is being genuinely interested in my adult friends' lives and wanting to have adult conversations with them making everything about me??? - OP
Talk to a therapist about it, we can't fix you on this thread.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:42
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate it when adults think it’s ok to ignore kids and act like they aren’t there - which it sounds like you do, and you want everyone else to do, too.
I absolutely teach my kids not to interrupt, but if they politely join a conversation - say, we’re talking about our vacation, and the kid chimes in with their favorite parts or little details and forgot - I’m 100% on board. Kids do not learn how to have polite conversation by talking exclusively with other kids. They need to talk to adults as well.
It’s asking a lot of the other adult especially if they have been around kids all day. You the parent think it’s delightful when little Larlo talks (sooo cute!) but the other person probably longing for adult talk. Too much of that and you won’t be talking with that person any more. Not every interaction is about your kids. It’s something you learn as a parent.
I think OP needs to understand "everything is not about you" maybe she missed that in her upbringing.
She sounds like she is starving for attention and it's not her friends job to help her with that.
Same could be said for the friend's kid, though. It is not OP's job to entertain the friend's kid.
I'd agree if the OP was the mom who loves to hear her child talk and was posting on DCUM... but that is not the situation, this is a person so bothered by a child talking during a visit with friends that she has to post on DCUM. OP sounds really, really needy.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:41
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
I have a friend who lets her young (4 and 2) children do this. If we are at her house or mine I just deal (we have been friends for over 20 years). When I want to have an adult conversation, I suggest we meet for a meal without kids. This stage of her life will not last that long (I have teenagers that want nothing to do with me!). Either you continue the friendship or you don't. Either is a valid response.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:40
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate it when adults think it’s ok to ignore kids and act like they aren’t there - which it sounds like you do, and you want everyone else to do, too.
I absolutely teach my kids not to interrupt, but if they politely join a conversation - say, we’re talking about our vacation, and the kid chimes in with their favorite parts or little details and forgot - I’m 100% on board. Kids do not learn how to have polite conversation by talking exclusively with other kids. They need to talk to adults as well.
It’s asking a lot of the other adult especially if they have been around kids all day. You the parent think it’s delightful when little Larlo talks (sooo cute!) but the other person probably longing for adult talk. Too much of that and you won’t be talking with that person any more. Not every interaction is about your kids. It’s something you learn as a parent.
I think OP needs to understand "everything is not about you" maybe she missed that in her upbringing.
She sounds like she is starving for attention and it's not her friends job to help her with that.
OP, you sound like a whiny brat. Grow up. Invite your friend out to an adult place and have your adult conversations. If you’re having a play date, expect that kids will interrupt and just patiently redirect.
How is being genuinely interested in my adult friends' lives and wanting to have adult conversations with them making everything about me??? - OP
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:39
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate it when adults think it’s ok to ignore kids and act like they aren’t there - which it sounds like you do, and you want everyone else to do, too.
I absolutely teach my kids not to interrupt, but if they politely join a conversation - say, we’re talking about our vacation, and the kid chimes in with their favorite parts or little details and forgot - I’m 100% on board. Kids do not learn how to have polite conversation by talking exclusively with other kids. They need to talk to adults as well.
It’s asking a lot of the other adult especially if they have been around kids all day. You the parent think it’s delightful when little Larlo talks (sooo cute!) but the other person probably longing for adult talk. Too much of that and you won’t be talking with that person any more. Not every interaction is about your kids. It’s something you learn as a parent.
I think OP needs to understand "everything is not about you" maybe she missed that in her upbringing.
She sounds like she is starving for attention and it's not her friends job to help her with that.
Same could be said for the friend's kid, though. It is not OP's job to entertain the friend's kid.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:39
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:I always assume kids like this are on the spectrum. I try to be polite, but redirect.
I would also assume kids that prefer to talk to adults are on the spectrum. They are probably changing the topic to talk about their special interest.
That being said, I think the best thing that you can do is to model with your own children. What do you do when your kids come around while you are talking with your friend?
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:38
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
All of these people trying to be rude to a child are setting some terrible examples and acting no better than children themselves. The PP ranting about how she doesn’t want to hear kids sounds like she was raised by wolves. You’re supposed to have enough self control as an adult to say “hey Larlo, your mom and I are talking for a sec, can you go play”. Or just tell the mom you want a grownup lunch date.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:38
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Tough call. I think if the kids are being polite and conversing on subject your best bet is to redirect. Taking two minutes to jot down a quick scavenger hunt may be easier than repeatedly trying to bow out of the conversation.
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:36
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate it when adults think it’s ok to ignore kids and act like they aren’t there - which it sounds like you do, and you want everyone else to do, too.
I absolutely teach my kids not to interrupt, but if they politely join a conversation - say, we’re talking about our vacation, and the kid chimes in with their favorite parts or little details and forgot - I’m 100% on board. Kids do not learn how to have polite conversation by talking exclusively with other kids. They need to talk to adults as well.
It’s asking a lot of the other adult especially if they have been around kids all day. You the parent think it’s delightful when little Larlo talks (sooo cute!) but the other person probably longing for adult talk. Too much of that and you won’t be talking with that person any more. Not every interaction is about your kids. It’s something you learn as a parent.
I think OP needs to understand "everything is not about you" maybe she missed that in her upbringing.
She sounds like she is starving for attention and it's not her friends job to help her with that.
How is being genuinely interested in my adult friends' lives and wanting to have adult conversations with them making everything about me??? - OP
Anonymous
09/09/2020 10:33
Subject: Kids who dominate adult conversations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:" But for me there is also the extra element of being raised to think it’s rude to chat away with adults unless they talk to you."
Get therapy to unlearn this. It's very backwards and regressive and bad for social skills (as your case proves)
Instead, pp, why don’t you take some parenting classes. No one wants to hear your kids prattle on as much as you let them.
NP. I think some adults get insecure when a kid is smarter than them in a conversation
NP I’m dying laughing at this. Yes Suzy, other parents are INTIMIDATED BY YOUR PRESCHOOLER’S INTELLECT. That’s why they want her to be quiet and go away!
Yes. I know some adults who are as dumb as a bag of rocks.
Thankfully they’re easy to spot, usually wearing their MAGA hats.