Anonymous wrote:who makes the money? you/DH/or both?

This is irrelevant. At the end of the day, their overall family finances will impact funds available for daily expenses, college, and retirement.

I get it. Both my husband and myself occasionally receive vendor gift cards because of our careers. It could be $100 at Amazon at Xmas or $50 for participating in a focus group type meeting. My gift cards always goes towards the family. My husband's, always go towards some treat for himself. It frustrates me, but it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him, I told him exactly how I came across it.

He said he bought the items with money from some things he had sold. (He is always selling gear and outdoor stuff) He admitted that he was worried I’d try and convince him to save the money and tell him that he was being irresponsible with it and he felt like it was his money to spend however he wanted.

As indeed it was.

You hear that, OP? Time to upgrade your wedding set another carat or two. It’s your money to spend!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully his AP likes the gifts he bought her...

Good point. OP, pull a credit report and see if there are cards or accounts you didn't know about.

Yes. What did he buy ?!????

I m also curious about what he purchased

How are things ggoing, OP?

Anonymous wrote:Who cares?

I recall a thread about a wife spending $150/month on Hobby Lobby crap and people said that wasn't the husband's business.

Let him live.

lol this made me chuckle. My husband always complains this ... yet spends an obscene amount of money on golf.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him, I told him exactly how I came across it.

He said he bought the items with money from some things he had sold. (He is always selling gear and outdoor stuff) He admitted that he was worried I’d try and convince him to save the money and tell him that he was being irresponsible with it and he felt like it was his money to spend however he wanted.

As indeed it was.

OP says money is tight because of joint expenses, and that DH knows that (since he knew she'd want him to put it toward the joint expenses). That makes it a dick move, even if not a true betrayal.

I agree with the PP who said it matters where the household money comes from. If OP is putting her whole income into joint expenses and DH is holding his back, that's not ok. If OP doesn't work, that's a different story.

This. Money is tight so it's a jerky thing for her husband to spend money on splurges for himself. It doesn't matter if he sold his own stuff. Income should be prioritized together for the family.

If he sells something of his and buys something for himself with the money, no harm no foul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him, I told him exactly how I came across it.

He said he bought the items with money from some things he had sold. (He is always selling gear and outdoor stuff) He admitted that he was worried I’d try and convince him to save the money and tell him that he was being irresponsible with it and he felt like it was his money to spend however he wanted.

As indeed it was.

OP says money is tight because of joint expenses, and that DH knows that (since he knew she'd want him to put it toward the joint expenses). That makes it a dick move, even if not a true betrayal.

I agree with the PP who said it matters where the household money comes from. If OP is putting her whole income into joint expenses and DH is holding his back, that's not ok. If OP doesn't work, that's a different story.

This. Money is tight so it's a jerky thing for her husband to spend money on splurges for himself. It doesn't matter if he sold his own stuff. Income should be prioritized together for the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully his AP likes the gifts he bought her...

Good point. OP, pull a credit report and see if there are cards or accounts you didn't know about.

Yes. What did he buy ?!????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him, I told him exactly how I came across it.

He said he bought the items with money from some things he had sold. (He is always selling gear and outdoor stuff) He admitted that he was worried I’d try and convince him to save the money and tell him that he was being irresponsible with it and he felt like it was his money to spend however he wanted.

As indeed it was.

Your opinion only and incorrect. For example when my ex and I divorced, everything in all accounts was community property (shared halfsies) unless it was specifically an inheritance that was kept separate since receiving it.

They’re not divorcing, so irrelevant. If he sells his stuff, he can buy something else with the money.

His only mistake was hiding it because he thought mommy might disapprove.

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully his AP likes the gifts he bought her...

Good point. OP, pull a credit report and see if there are cards or accounts you didn't know about.

Anonymous wrote:My husband manages all of our investments and at times there will be “capital calls” of $50,000-$100,000. He doesn’t tell me about them and I don’t want to know about them because it’s big money. But, he’s a really good investor. I trust that he is making good spending decisions. I think it comes down to do you trust your partner?

Clearly OP does not. That’s why she’s on DCUM complaining about it.

My husband manages all of our investments and at times there will be “capital calls” of $50,000-$100,000. He doesn’t tell me about them and I don’t want to know about them because it’s big money. But, he’s a really good investor. I trust that he is making good spending decisions. I think it comes down to do you trust your partner?

Hopefully his AP likes the gifts he bought her...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him, I told him exactly how I came across it.

He said he bought the items with money from some things he had sold. (He is always selling gear and outdoor stuff) He admitted that he was worried I’d try and convince him to save the money and tell him that he was being irresponsible with it and he felt like it was his money to spend however he wanted.

As indeed it was.

OP says money is tight because of joint expenses, and that DH knows that (since he knew she'd want him to put it toward the joint expenses). That makes it a dick move, even if not a true betrayal.

I agree with the PP who said it matters where the household money comes from. If OP is putting her whole income into joint expenses and DH is holding his back, that's not ok. If OP doesn't work, that's a different story.