Anonymous wrote:A number of cheaters have no desire to upend their married life with kids but truly love their APs. It’s different kinds of love.

With men, it’s usually the opposite. They don’t truly give a f@ck about their APs, but will tell them whatever they want to hear to keep it going. They always affair down. Women are mostly the opposite. They are looking for an exit and assign romance and love to what isn’t real—especially if they don’t have an income.

A least that how it is with most of my make friends. They talk very disrespectfully about their side pieces.

I’m very happy with my husband. He’s a great person, husband, and father. I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone else. But I do have strong feelings for another man who is an old friend. I know I would not want to actually be married to or in a serious, long term relationship with this old friend and I would not ever cheat on my husband. It’s a fantasy feeling like I love this other person. I don’t know if it’s real love or not but sometimes I feel it very strongly. It will never be more than that. I wish it would go away and having this fantasy makes me feel like a bad wife even though I’d never act on it in any way (not physical or emotional). But it can be painful to feel like you love someone else when you also sincerely love your spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Google “Alpha Widow”. It will never go away. That guy will always be the standard by which you judge all future men. Your husband doesn’t meet the bar, hence you’re still in love with that Alpha in your past.

OP here. Not true at all for me. I don’t measure my spouse up to the other person. I would hands down rather be married to my spouse. I love my spouse and we are more compatible life partners. I do however also have strong feelings of love for someone else. The idea that me and this other person would have some great marriage together is a fairytale and one I don’t indulge in. Even though I don’t dream of marrying the other person, it doesn’t change the fact that love them.

Sorry. You can’t have him. You may get him to f@ck you for variety, but he’s madly in love with his wife. You will be used.

Focus on your own man.

OP could be M or F.

A number of cheaters have no desire to upend their married life with kids but truly love their APs. It’s different kinds of love.

Anonymous wrote:You are not in love with the other person.

You are in love with the idea of them. It’s not real.

Yup. There is a reason why you married the real person. The fantasy other person was not marriage, life partner and co-parent material.

Anonymous wrote:Same situation, OP. I’ve got a fabulous husband in every way, and I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone else. But i do love the other guy. I wouldn’t want to marry him, but have a lot of affection for him.

It just happens. There are a lot of awesome people in this big world of ours.

Same here. I know we can’t be together but I hold love for her.

I think its possible to be happily married and still have some love for people in your past - who you don't want to be with or intend to cheat with. That love evolves if you're lucky, into a friendship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Google “Alpha Widow”. It will never go away. That guy will always be the standard by which you judge all future men. Your husband doesn’t meet the bar, hence you’re still in love with that Alpha in your past.

OP here. Not true at all for me. I don’t measure my spouse up to the other person. I would hands down rather be married to my spouse. I love my spouse and we are more compatible life partners. I do however also have strong feelings of love for someone else. The idea that me and this other person would have some great marriage together is a fairytale and one I don’t indulge in. Even though I don’t dream of marrying the other person, it doesn’t change the fact that love them.

Sorry. You can’t have him. You may get him to f@ck you for variety, but he’s madly in love with his wife. You will be used.

Focus on your own man.

Same situation, OP. I’ve got a fabulous husband in every way, and I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone else. But i do love the other guy. I wouldn’t want to marry him, but have a lot of affection for him.

It just happens. There are a lot of awesome people in this big world of ours.

Anonymous wrote:You are not in love with the other person.

You are in love with the idea of them. It’s not real.

This is what old asexual DWs tell themselves. It’s not true.

Anonymous wrote:

It’s perfectly normal, OP. Just be content that you have two great, attractive, people in your life. Enjoy the one, and fantasize about the other. It’s OK.

+1

Anonymous wrote:The love of my life (in my mind) was a relationship that started, stopped, and restarted a number of times, but ultimately distance ended it completely. I kept him in a corner of my thoughts for years, but eventually life with DH pushed that further and further into a corner. I think that it's the daily realities gradually cement a happy marriage (the quirks I might ridicule in someone else but somehow become part of the fabric of our connection) along with the occasional crises (DH has always become my comforter at those times). I still once in awhile have erotic dreams about #1, and find them deeply pleasurable.

You are a sad little turd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Google “Alpha Widow”. It will never go away. That guy will always be the standard by which you judge all future men. Your husband doesn’t meet the bar, hence you’re still in love with that Alpha in your past.

OP here. Not true at all for me. I don’t measure my spouse up to the other person. I would hands down rather be married to my spouse. I love my spouse and we are more compatible life partners. I do however also have strong feelings of love for someone else. The idea that me and this other person would have some great marriage together is a fairytale and one I don’t indulge in. Even though I don’t dream of marrying the other person, it doesn’t change the fact that love them.

“Life partners”. That sounds to me that you settled for a Beta. I guarantee he’s a nice guy, helps around the house, and is your “best friend”. Still, I’m willing to bet he doesn’t satisfy that side of you secretly yearning of a take control Alpha that would throw you on the bed and make your legs shake uncontrollably as your eyes roll back in your head while you think “oh god, I’ve lost count”.

Am I getting closer?

Anonymous wrote:^ It would pretty much destroy me if my DH felt that way, even worse if he discussed it with his friends. I bet if you had married the “one that got away” you would say the exact same thing about her not being the love of your life. Stop living in your past and romanticizing it and treat your DW like she is the love of your life. You might be surprised at how much happier you will be.

Same. I wonder if PP got married young.

It’s perfectly normal, OP. Just be content that you have two great, attractive, people in your life. Enjoy the one, and fantasize about the other. It’s OK.