Anonymous wrote:I've spoken in other languages with friends, family, and children in various countries and the question of whether it's "rude" never entered my mind. I will communicate in whatever way I choose to communicate. If I need to talk to you, I will speak your language. Until I talk to you, the language I'm speaking is none of your business.

Generally these sorts of people come across as entitled and extremely rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is completely rude to talk in another language in front of others who don't speak it, whether or not you're talking to your kids.

Agree

This.

I've spoken in other languages with friends, family, and children in various countries and the question of whether it's "rude" never entered my mind. I will communicate in whatever way I choose to communicate. If I need to talk to you, I will speak your language. Until I talk to you, the language I'm speaking is none of your business.

Yes. Right or wrong; common or uncommon; right or wrong - according to etiquette it’s rude to speak a second language (or whisper) in the company of people who don’t understand the language.

It’s not hard to switch to English. My kids learned both easily and knew when to speak French and when to speak English.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp above that simply said "yes"

BUT

then I noticed you said in front of your Dh...
So your DH can not understand your native language and you will speak to your child in front of him, knowing he can't understand?
That is truly horrible.

It is the One Parent, One Language recommended to me. One parent (or both) speak their language to their children exclusively so that they are always responsible to speak that language with that parent. The parents together speak their common language. So in effect you ask your child to brush their teeth in your native language and turn to your spouse to ask about their day in your common language.

Who ever "recommended" that to you is a terrible person.
You are creating a negative situation with the other parent.

I don’t think you have any experience with this.

Both of my brothers married someone whose native language is not English.
One of them exclusively spoke native language to children, even when my brother and others who could not speak the language were there.

The other spoke the native language when alone with the children, but when around my brother (or others) spoke English.

One is now divorced, the other is still happily married. Guess which is which?

I guess... the brother who didn't bother to learn his wife's language?

This is my guess too.
My husband only ever speaks his language to our kids no matter who is around. It has helped me learn it tremendously, though he and I only speak English to each other. No plans to divorce here.

It is not rude to speak your language with your child. There are ways to let the other person know whats going on politely without having switch the language you speak to your child. They should not get all bent out of shape about it either and respect that you are trying to pass on your language to your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp above that simply said "yes"

BUT

then I noticed you said in front of your Dh...
So your DH can not understand your native language and you will speak to your child in front of him, knowing he can't understand?
That is truly horrible.

It is the One Parent, One Language recommended to me. One parent (or both) speak their language to their children exclusively so that they are always responsible to speak that language with that parent. The parents together speak their common language. So in effect you ask your child to brush their teeth in your native language and turn to your spouse to ask about their day in your common language.

Yep, that’s how you do it. Until he was about 5, my husband believed that his father only understands Polish, so he spoke to him only in Polish. As he got older, he started wondering, how he is communicating with everyone else, and figured it out rather quickly . But the habit set. And you must speak your language with your child in the presence of strangers - otherwise, how would they learn all the vocabulary related to e.g. grocery store or a zoo?

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is completely rude to talk in another language in front of others who don't speak it, whether or not you're talking to your kids.

Totally disagree. I love that there are so many languages spoken in this area. The only time I can imagine this to be rude at all is if someone were doing it to make rude comments about another person, but that's rude in any language.

No, my friends talk to their kids in their language all the time. Its usually when they're scolding their kids or making demands. I wish I could talk to my kid in a language nobody else understood for saying things like "get your finger out of your nose!" Or "did you just take a bite of that potato chip and put it back in the bowl?!"Or whatever.

I am good friends with a woman who speaks with her children exclusively in her native language, a language I don’t speak. I don’t find it rude, but it can be awkward. she’s extremely open and quick to translate if there’s a need, although most times there’s no need. I can tell she yelling at her kid for not being nice to his sister or riding their bikes to close to the street. But I miss out on context and it does affect the flow of our conversation. I know her husband struggles a bit with the language, but he sees the value in them being fluent and having the connections to their culture. They seem to have worked it out and are happily married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp above that simply said "yes"

BUT

then I noticed you said in front of your Dh...
So your DH can not understand your native language and you will speak to your child in front of him, knowing he can't understand?
That is truly horrible.

It is the One Parent, One Language recommended to me. One parent (or both) speak their language to their children exclusively so that they are always responsible to speak that language with that parent. The parents together speak their common language. So in effect you ask your child to brush their teeth in your native language and turn to your spouse to ask about their day in your common language.

Who ever "recommended" that to you is a terrible person.
You are creating a negative situation with the other parent.

I don’t think you have any experience with this.

Both of my brothers married someone whose native language is not English.
One of them exclusively spoke native language to children, even when my brother and others who could not speak the language were there.

The other spoke the native language when alone with the children, but when around my brother (or others) spoke English.

One is now divorced, the other is still happily married. Guess which is which?

I mean, with an angry idiot like you for an SIL i think the one who escaped your family probably got the better deal.

I am guessing pp lives in an area where her sample size of 2 is significant. My kids are bilingual and I could not even begin to count how many families I know who are raising bilingual kids. I don't need to speak cantonese to know that a someone is telling her kid to eat their snack while sitting down. I don't need to speak french to know that another person is telling her dd to not hit her brother. Language is a non-issue, but it is easier for people who are insecure about speaking another language to find a community of like minded parents, even if the languages they speak are all different.

Maybe you should look for more friends, OP.

op, I only addressed my kids in english when they were part of a group and I was addressing the whole group.

Instead of asking my child, "would you like a snack for you and your guests?" I would say, "Hey kids, are you ready for a snack?"

It is very easy to do this and it gets to be second nature.

I grew up overseas as an American, my relationship with my family was in English.

I am raising bilingual kids in the US and my relationship with my husband is in English but my relationship with my kids is in Spanish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp above that simply said "yes"

BUT

then I noticed you said in front of your Dh...
So your DH can not understand your native language and you will speak to your child in front of him, knowing he can't understand?
That is truly horrible.

It is the One Parent, One Language recommended to me. One parent (or both) speak their language to their children exclusively so that they are always responsible to speak that language with that parent. The parents together speak their common language. So in effect you ask your child to brush their teeth in your native language and turn to your spouse to ask about their day in your common language.

Who ever "recommended" that to you is a terrible person.
You are creating a negative situation with the other parent.

I don’t think you have any experience with this.

Both of my brothers married someone whose native language is not English.
One of them exclusively spoke native language to children, even when my brother and others who could not speak the language were there.

The other spoke the native language when alone with the children, but when around my brother (or others) spoke English.

One is now divorced, the other is still happily married. Guess which is which?

I mean, with an angry idiot like you for an SIL i think the one who escaped your family probably got the better deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the pp above that simply said "yes"

BUT

then I noticed you said in front of your Dh...
So your DH can not understand your native language and you will speak to your child in front of him, knowing he can't understand?
That is truly horrible.

It is the One Parent, One Language recommended to me. One parent (or both) speak their language to their children exclusively so that they are always responsible to speak that language with that parent. The parents together speak their common language. So in effect you ask your child to brush their teeth in your native language and turn to your spouse to ask about their day in your common language.

Who ever "recommended" that to you is a terrible person.
You are creating a negative situation with the other parent.

I don’t think you have any experience with this.

Both of my brothers married someone whose native language is not English.
One of them exclusively spoke native language to children, even when my brother and others who could not speak the language were there.

The other spoke the native language when alone with the children, but when around my brother (or others) spoke English.

One is now divorced, the other is still happily married. Guess which is which?

I guess... the brother who didn't bother to learn his wife's language?

Wow the DMV is provincial sometimes.