Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason you feel you're being judged is because you are and, deep down, believe there's a kernel of legitimacy to the judgement.

It's one thing to have a big celebration of your wedding at a time more people can safely join you. It's a different matter to go through a “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage - it's a pageant, a re-enactment, a performance, not a wedding. It reeks of attention-seeking, not celebration of a major life event.

I get how disruptive and disappointing it is to have an expectation for something and, through no fault of your own, not have that expectation met. Yet, that's where we are right now. Even if you have that “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage, it still will not meet your expectation because circumstances will have changed.

You need to get a grip - it’s a party.

NP. I’d be really irked if someone made me sit through a 30 minute ceremony if they were already married. (Frankly, long ceremonies suck even if they aren’t already married!). The party I don’t mind.

But no one is making you do anything? You can easily decline an invite.

Exactly - it's not a wedding. The expectations of a party are different than the expectations for a wedding. OP wants a wedding and is dismayed that people (including her father and brother) aren't excited about her party as she is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason you feel you're being judged is because you are and, deep down, believe there's a kernel of legitimacy to the judgement.

It's one thing to have a big celebration of your wedding at a time more people can safely join you. It's a different matter to go through a “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage - it's a pageant, a re-enactment, a performance, not a wedding. It reeks of attention-seeking, not celebration of a major life event.

I get how disruptive and disappointing it is to have an expectation for something and, through no fault of your own, not have that expectation met. Yet, that's where we are right now. Even if you have that “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage, it still will not meet your expectation because circumstances will have changed.

You need to get a grip - it’s a party.

NP. I’d be really irked if someone made me sit through a 30 minute ceremony if they were already married. (Frankly, long ceremonies suck even if they aren’t already married!). The party I don’t mind.

But no one is making you do anything? You can easily decline an invite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason you feel you're being judged is because you are and, deep down, believe there's a kernel of legitimacy to the judgement.

It's one thing to have a big celebration of your wedding at a time more people can safely join you. It's a different matter to go through a “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage - it's a pageant, a re-enactment, a performance, not a wedding. It reeks of attention-seeking, not celebration of a major life event.

I get how disruptive and disappointing it is to have an expectation for something and, through no fault of your own, not have that expectation met. Yet, that's where we are right now. Even if you have that “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage, it still will not meet your expectation because circumstances will have changed.

You need to get a grip - it’s a party.

NP. I’d be really irked if someone made me sit through a 30 minute ceremony if they were already married. (Frankly, long ceremonies suck even if they aren’t already married!). The party I don’t mind.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what church you are talking about, but you can’t get married at city hall and then use a Catholic priest To re-marry you at a later event. Priests won’t go along with this even in a pandemic.

Catholic oriests are not a monolith. Lots of priests do lots of different things. I had a sibling who married at courthouse because his wife was waiting for an annulment—they married in church on their one year anniversary with their baby in arms. It was fine.

Anonymous wrote:The reason you feel you're being judged is because you are and, deep down, believe there's a kernel of legitimacy to the judgement.

It's one thing to have a big celebration of your wedding at a time more people can safely join you. It's a different matter to go through a “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage - it's a pageant, a re-enactment, a performance, not a wedding. It reeks of attention-seeking, not celebration of a major life event.

I get how disruptive and disappointing it is to have an expectation for something and, through no fault of your own, not have that expectation met. Yet, that's where we are right now. Even if you have that “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage, it still will not meet your expectation because circumstances will have changed.

You need to get a grip - it’s a party.

OP, no judgement here. Your plan seems perfectly rational. I would just caution you that it's very likely that a year after the actual wedding, invitees won't view it with the same excitement as they would a regular wedding. This will likely impact the number of people who attend, so think about if your plan is likely to materialize the way you expect.

Also, after already living as a married couple for a year, the event may not be as emotionally satisfying to you as you anticipate, either. Humans are forward-looking, and you may find that your head is just in a different place two years from now. You and your husband may be looking forward to starting a family or buying a house or changing jobs. Any of those things might be what supplies the excitement and anticipation in your life in October 2022, and a wedding may not seem like as big a deal.

Good luck whatever you do.

OP, there are a lot of nasty posters on here.

Your plan sounds fine in times of Covid.

OP bottom line is that this is your experience. Make the choices that work for you as a couple and ignore the rest. You can’t control what others opinions are and people can control to accept or decline an invitation. Congratulations to you both however you celebrate you life together!

Anonymous wrote:The reason you feel you're being judged is because you are and, deep down, believe there's a kernel of legitimacy to the judgement.

It's one thing to have a big celebration of your wedding at a time more people can safely join you. It's a different matter to go through a “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage - it's a pageant, a re-enactment, a performance, not a wedding. It reeks of attention-seeking, not celebration of a major life event.

I get how disruptive and disappointing it is to have an expectation for something and, through no fault of your own, not have that expectation met. Yet, that's where we are right now. Even if you have that “big ceremony and reception” a year into your marriage, it still will not meet your expectation because circumstances will have changed.

This!

We never said we were going to the court house. We’ve decided to just do the wedding ceremony and reception all on the same day in 2022. Case closed. Thank you for everyone’s ideas. Good luck to any other engaged couples!

Anonymous wrote:Op - just remember, most people judging you in this thread have already had their wedding day the way they wanted it. The people who are excited to celebrate with you will be there - no need to worry about the rest!

This!

Anonymous wrote:We can’t go to the court house. In our religion you have to have a ceremony in the church. It will only be with us and 2 other people. Also the B and B is only 2 hours from people and the bride and groom are paying for the entire cost of the venue and rooms for the wedding party which was our choice. We plan to enjoy the day.

Why are you thinking an elopement has to be in a courthouse? I know plenty of people in my family (Catholic) who have had a church wedding with only parents and a sibling or two. They can still be truly beautiful. My cousin that just did this still had the dress and fantastic photos. Best part is that they’re married. I don’t understand delaying a party for years.

Anonymous wrote:Op - just remember, most people judging you in this thread have already had their wedding day the way they wanted it. The people who are excited to celebrate with you will be there - no need to worry about the rest!

Your presumption is incorrect. You are equating "attendance" with "excitement". Not everyone attending OP's do-over wedding will be 'excited' and not all of those missing it will be 'un-excited'.

In reality, there's nothing exciting about a do-over ceremony. In fact, it's textbook, anti-climatic. Have a big celebration/reception if you like but having another ceremony is cringe inducing. Why even have the 1st wedding?

I don’t know what church you are talking about, but you can’t get married at city hall and then use a Catholic priest To re-marry you at a later event. Priests won’t go along with this even in a pandemic.

OP, it is fine.