Anonymous
08/10/2020 00:10
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:OP, check out the literature on guanfacine for ADHD. It’s not a stimulant and may not help significantly with the impulsiveness but it’s really helped my daughter with her emotional outbursts. She’s much more even-keeled now. As a bonus, guanfacine is also a high blood pressure medication So if your DH tends to have high blood pressure it can kill two birds with one stone.
Can you post the link please? To the medicine/brand you use?
Anonymous
08/10/2020 00:00
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an a$$hole hiding behind a adhd diagnosis.
+1
May be apsie, or something else, on top of it - used to people covering up for him.
+1 million. My DH has ADHD and Autism, which diagnosed well into our marriage, and when he gets what he considers to be overwhelmed (a normal sensory/stress/responsibility load for anyone else), he loses it. It creates a situation where I am constantly walking on eggshells and trying to proactively manage situations. DH keeps it together in public and at work, but relaxes his behavior when he feels “safe” at home. People have probably seen me write about this in other threads, but DH has believed since the day of his diagnosis that since he can’t help his autism and ADHD, the consequences of the associated behaviors aren’t his fault/responsibility. For this reason I wouldn’t recommend pursuing an autism/HFA diagnosis even if you’re sure he has it, because it can be used as a crutch and excuse. Unfortunately there aren’t a lot of therapeutic resources for adults in this situation. There are some good resources for adults with ADHD, but my DH wasn’t motivated to keep up the therapy and executive functioning coaching after a few visits and didn’t follow through on their advice. It’s really hard for adults to unlearn lifelong compensatory behaviors.
Sigh, I don’t know what to do. Spouse in denial about the diagnosis and thinks everyone else is the problem. Blames everyone for his chronic shortcomings we all suffer from over and over. Plus the rages, which are frightening.
Anonymous
08/03/2020 00:50
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.
+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.
+1. I have ADhd and I don’t behave this way. Nor do my relatives that have it. People with Adhd have certain challenges but being an a—hole is not one of them.
Anonymous
08/03/2020 00:47
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:OP I was in a similar situation with DH medical condition (dementia). It was the same. This is not a good situation for you, mentally having to suck it up. And REALLY not a good role model for your children. They will pattern this behavior whether you like it or not. They are KIDS. They can’t help it. Your DH sounds out of control and the best you can do for everyone is GET OUT.
I’m a new poster to this thread and I’m so sorry. I want you to know that your comment is helping me wake up to a situation like this in my own life and I appreciate your perspective.
Anonymous
08/03/2020 00:42
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an a$$hole hiding behind a adhd diagnosis.
+1
May be apsie, or something else, on top of it - used to people covering up for him.
+1 million. My DH has ADHD and Autism, which diagnosed well into our marriage, and when he gets what he considers to be overwhelmed (a normal sensory/stress/responsibility load for anyone else), he loses it. It creates a situation where I am constantly walking on eggshells and trying to proactively manage situations. DH keeps it together in public and at work, but relaxes his behavior when he feels “safe” at home. People have probably seen me write about this in other threads, but DH has believed since the day of his diagnosis that since he can’t help his autism and ADHD, the consequences of the associated behaviors aren’t his fault/responsibility. For this reason I wouldn’t recommend pursuing an autism/HFA diagnosis even if you’re sure he has it, because it can be used as a crutch and excuse. Unfortunately there aren’t a lot of therapeutic resources for adults in this situation. There are some good resources for adults with ADHD, but my DH wasn’t motivated to keep up the therapy and executive functioning coaching after a few visits and didn’t follow through on their advice. It’s really hard for adults to unlearn lifelong compensatory behaviors.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 15:34
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:I once heard Dr. Laura (remember her?) talk with a caller whose husband had similar outbursts. She asked the caller if the husband ever had outbursts with his boss, a co-worker or a police officer? Answer was NO. Dr Laura said he Knows how to control himself, but he simply chooses not too.
Your DH needs some help.
This.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 08:52
Subject: Re:It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Serious question: how/why did you marry these men? They seem unmarriageable. I would never put up with this shit.
I think OP and some other posters point is that these issues get worse with age, and/or DH is good and well aware of the importance of hiding the issues, when first meeting someone. Plus, men like this are resistant to change, and mostly refuse to get the help they need. No need to pile it on. And WTH does "unmarriageable" mean??
Someone who brings nothing to the relationship. Who will need to be cared for like a child. All I can think is that OP’s DH has a monster schlong, because there’s nothing else redeeming about him, as far as I can tell.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 06:33
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
I'm confused. You have small kids but call the family pet your daughters big dog? I find this strange and what are you yelping about? Maybe you do need to get a handle on yourself.
Anonymous
08/01/2020 19:15
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Btw dog also needs better training.
Anonymous
08/01/2020 17:55
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
My DH was like this. He would get so frustrated and impatient over the dumbest things (getting the wrong order, server takes too long, things not being “as he expected“). It was awful. I stood up for myself, tried to anticipate all the ways things could go “wrong“ for him before we went out, etc. I was miserable and I would cry every weekend, because that’s when I had to spend the most time with him. He would apologize after his tantrums and eventually even he knew he was losing control. One night he woke me up and apologized and told me he was going to a psychiatrist the next day. He did, and started anti-anxiety medication. He is literally a different human. He is so kind and patient, I feel like I have never seen such a drastic change in someone. He‘s been on them for 10 years and he is a wonderful husband and father. I hope your DH tries it!
Anonymous
08/01/2020 14:51
Subject: It requires so much patience to deal with Dh but he has none for anyone else
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an a$$hole hiding behind a adhd diagnosis.
+1
May be apsie, or something else, on top of it - used to people covering up for him.