Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:35
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not married but I make 50k whereas my bf makes 500k. He has the ability to take me to nice restaurants, and we go on nice trips. But I make sure his clothes just magically appear in his closet, he doesn't have to "think" when we're together, and dinner most of the time is on me (and it's spectacular). His doormen are tipped by me, and some people at his company are given gifts from him but we all know it's from me.
He takes you to nice restaurants or you take him?
I don’t get you tipping his doorman or buying him clothes that you secretly hang in his closet and you’re secretly buying coworkers gifts and pretend they are from him?
This seems a little strange. How long have you been tog?
We've been together 6 years. I don't take him out, I cook. I don't buy his clothes, they get laundered and I pick them up and hang them. I don't use my own money to tip his doormen or to buy bday gifts for his employees, I have his debit card.
I'm sure I'll get flamed, but essentially, I'm his "assistant". And I love him, so I'm not mad about it.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:34
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not married but I make 50k whereas my bf makes 500k. He has the ability to take me to nice restaurants, and we go on nice trips. But I make sure his clothes just magically appear in his closet, he doesn't have to "think" when we're together, and dinner most of the time is on me (and it's spectacular). His doormen are tipped by me, and some people at his company are given gifts from him but we all know it's from me.
He takes you to nice restaurants or you take him?
I don’t get you tipping his doorman or buying him clothes that you secretly hang in his closet and you’re secretly buying coworkers gifts and pretend they are from him?
This seems a little strange. How long have you been tog?
She means she is making his life easier by handling those details so he doesn't have to. It's not rocket science. She likely wants to be a wife, and thinks this is the path to getting there.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:33
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
What problem are you trying to solve OP? Is there an issue for one or both of you re: the income disparity?
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:30
Subject: Re:Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
^^Agree. I’m a lawyer and I “bean count” because I have a lot more assets. Haven’t ever had to use my “separate property” argument, but I have it if need be.
FWIW, using your reasoning, no one with a prenup would never work out, either.
FWIW, using your reasoning, no one with a prenup would never work out, either.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:27
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:All major expenses split according to income relatively (approx.), about 65-35.
After all parents were gone, after inheriting it’s about2:1, the spouse w the greater bankn(separate property, inherited), pays nearly 100% of jointcexpnses now.
P.s. a wise law school professor told the women in my class to be sure to look out for their legitimate separate property in considering how to handle, same for men.
So we have a joint pool contributed to proportionally based on income, the rest is separate but of course available to spend on each other and we do.
I don't know how lawyers stay married with constant bean counting.
PP here, DW isn’t a lawyer so don’t know WTF you mean re that particular strategy agreed to by 2 adults (who’ve been together 30+ years since deciding that).
Hope that helps (for those who like to tell others how to live).
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:24
Subject: Re:Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
We have been married for 32 years. I've worked part time on and off. Right now I make about $20,000 in my little part time job. DH makes about $260,000. It has literally never occurred to me that any of the money is "his" or "mine". It's just ours. I manage our finances and always have.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:20
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Anonymous wrote:Not married but I make 50k whereas my bf makes 500k. He has the ability to take me to nice restaurants, and we go on nice trips. But I make sure his clothes just magically appear in his closet, he doesn't have to "think" when we're together, and dinner most of the time is on me (and it's spectacular). His doormen are tipped by me, and some people at his company are given gifts from him but we all know it's from me.
He takes you to nice restaurants or you take him?
I don’t get you tipping his doorman or buying him clothes that you secretly hang in his closet and you’re secretly buying coworkers gifts and pretend they are from him?
This seems a little strange. How long have you been tog?
Anonymous
07/22/2020 17:16
Subject: Re:Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
I'm a traditionalist on this.
No marriage -- 50/50 unless higher income partner is pushing for fancy stuff, then fair for them to pay for their fancy tastes.
Marriage -- That's your ride or die so that's one big pot.
No marriage -- 50/50 unless higher income partner is pushing for fancy stuff, then fair for them to pay for their fancy tastes.
Marriage -- That's your ride or die so that's one big pot.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 16:09
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Anonymous wrote:To the PP that calculate contributions based on % of earnings...man that's tough. You're a team right? I'm assuming that when the high earner was interviewing for a higher paying job or hustling for that promotion, the spouse had to pick up the slack around the house. Or they helped prep for said interviews/etc.
I don't think I could be with someone who believes their earnings are just theirs and they only need to put in just enough to joint acct to cover essentials. But...to each their own.
NP and we have a % of earnings type setup. Generally speaking we both work normal hours and when one is doing house work / childcare the other is usually doing that too, no one is sitting on their a$$ while the other works. If one of us has to work later or travel (rare) the other one covers it. I would say our setup is much more of a team set up than a lot of the posts you read about in the relationship forums where one party or the other isn't pulling their weight.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 16:07
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
We keep separate accounts but have a joint account that we each contribute a set amount to each month based on % of total income. We pay all major expenses, kid stuff, vacations, etc. from that joint account.
It works for us. We each make enough that we don't need to discuss smaller purchases like clothes, restaurants, individual weekend trips, etc.
It works for us. We each make enough that we don't need to discuss smaller purchases like clothes, restaurants, individual weekend trips, etc.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 16:02
Subject: Re:Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Ours all goes in one pot. We make joint decisions on spending and priorities. I make 3x what DH does and typically our joint income is in the $1m/year range so we don't have to debate or discuss smaller purchases. But things like cars, vacations, home renovations are definitely joint discussions, as well as savings targets and investments. Generally we have the same priorities although he cares more about fancier cars, and I care more about vacations.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 16:02
Subject: Re:Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Same pot. It's our family money and we truly don't think about it or discuss it in any way other than that. I really have a hard time understanding splitting things up when married, it sounds so complicated and like a weird power thing, just very foreign to how my relationship functions and how we view our family. But I also realize finance stuff is really ingrained from our families of origin and can be complicated.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 15:57
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
To the PP that calculate contributions based on % of earnings...man that's tough. You're a team right? I'm assuming that when the high earner was interviewing for a higher paying job or hustling for that promotion, the spouse had to pick up the slack around the house. Or they helped prep for said interviews/etc.
I don't think I could be with someone who believes their earnings are just theirs and they only need to put in just enough to joint acct to cover essentials. But...to each their own.
I don't think I could be with someone who believes their earnings are just theirs and they only need to put in just enough to joint acct to cover essentials. But...to each their own.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 15:56
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Anonymous wrote:All goes in one account. Your are married, not roommates.
Same.
Anonymous
07/22/2020 15:56
Subject: Spouse makes significantly more income, how do you handle it?
Whah about secret accounts hubby sets up to pay for hookers and blow?