My mom flew here this weekend. We haven’t seen her since December and she really wanted to come, and we’re all assuming it will be even riskier to travel around the holidays this year.

If you can find a way to make getting there safe (gas is fine but what about overnight?) - then I say go for it. We are meeting my parents at a house on the Eastern Shore in a week. Granted my parents are younger grandparents and healthy. We are all quarantining 10 days leading up to trip. We’ve seen them a couple of times previously too (they drove to us - 5 hour drive).

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Genuinely not understanding why people think there is such a risk of infecting them. Did you all read what I said? We would be quarantining for 2 weeks ahead of time. Like, literally not even going to the grocery store. The only risk point I see is the possibility of having to go to the bathroom along the way, and I said we're thinking of bringing a portapotty.

To date, we have been exceedingly cautious -- way more cautious than all the other people I know. Are those of you who are saying this not doing the things I'm seeing my friends do here (that we have NOT been doing) -- like sending your kids to camp, going to the pool, meeting up with friends, etc?

We too have been incredibly cautious and I would take the trip. Two day drive pack your own food. Stay in a Marriott and bring some wipes for contact points. Masks and sanitizer after all rest stops. Just be smart which I’m sure you are and have fun. Will the state you are going to allow you in without a 14 day quarantine once you are there? That’s the only thing that would stop me.

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be a very controversial issue.

We just did it for my parents - drove to the midwest. I didn't want to do it, but my parents were basically begging.

We have been home for 7 days now and I think we all made it through ok.

Worst part was the bathrooms/food on the journey-- but we wore masks, used a lot of hand sanitizer and wipes and were as careful as you can be without not doing it.

I know other grandparents that really don't want the risk, and I'd respect that too.

Ditto to all of this. I just did this with my kid. DH stayed home. My dad lives alone (my mom died a long time ago) and was pretty much begging us to come and I expressed my concerns (for him, most of all) over and over and he said he wanted us to come – so we did. We have been very careful all along and were full-on quarantined at home in the 2 weeks prior to the trip. We minimized stops along the way and brought our own food, but used masks and a LOT of hand sanitizer and wipes when we absolutely had to stop (13 hours straight there, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go). Once we arrived, we didn't leave his house/yard. We didn't interact with anyone else at all. He'd gotten a grocery delivery before we arrived.

We have now been back home for 10 days and everything seems ok. We're all self-quarantining for a few more days before we go back to our previous schedule of going nowhere.

I cannot pretend there were no risks involved, because there were. But I tried my very best to minimize the risks that we did choose to take.

OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It's interesting to see such divergent ideas from different people.

To answer the questions about my parents -- They have said they would love to see us if we can come but they don't want to pressure us. They are not overall very concerned.

My parents actually suggested staying with some of our relatives who live along the route. I don't think this is a good idea because it's much more exposure than even a hotel, even if we were to distance.

Other context -- my grandmother (father's mother) died yesterday, so that's a motivation to go (but no services, and she didn't live in the same area as they do). We saw them in December. If we don't go now, I doubt we would have any chance to see them sooner than next summer at the very earliest.

What do your parents want, OP? If you’re comfortable with the risk for your own immediate family, perhaps these decisions about whether or not to put the elderly at risk should be left to them to make. They may be older but they’re adults and capable of assessing risk just as we are. I understand and have some sympathy for those who feel as though they’ve lived a full life and just want to enjoy the time the have left with family.

Some of us live with our parents, and there's no way we quarantine or get tested every time we see them, so I'm not sure why it would be unsafe for you to take these precautions and then visit them.

My husband, kids, and I live with my MIL. We do the grocery shopping so that she doesn't have to go out, and don't meet up with other friends to keep her safe, but there's no reason why she can't be around us any more than we can't be around each other. If she didn't live with us, she would be doing her own grocery shopping, errands, etc.

I see a ton of people out there meeting up with friends all the time. I think that's incredibly irresponsible. I honestly have a hard time believing that all of you are as isolated as you claim to be. If you're out seeing people like the folks in my neighborhood, then I see your concern about going to visit older parents. If you're taking the appropriate precautions already, then you are some rare people I sure don't see in my community.

Anonymous wrote:If your parents risk level is the same as yours, and they don't mind you stopping somewhere along the way, then yes go. Of course there's a risk. You have to decide if that's a risk worth taking.

Older people have a higher risk—period. However want and need are different things.

I want to see my parents. I don’t want to risk infecting them or anyone else to do this. Yes, it sucks. Covid sucks. It’s just the way it is.

Wear masks, wash hands, stay put.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Genuinely not understanding why people think there is such a risk of infecting them. Did you all read what I said? We would be quarantining for 2 weeks ahead of time. Like, literally not even going to the grocery store. The only risk point I see is the possibility of having to go to the bathroom along the way, and I said we're thinking of bringing a portapotty.

To date, we have been exceedingly cautious -- way more cautious than all the other people I know. Are those of you who are saying this not doing the things I'm seeing my friends do here (that we have NOT been doing) -- like sending your kids to camp, going to the pool, meeting up with friends, etc?

I am doing these things. But because of that I am not going to see my parents.

If your parents risk level is the same as yours, and they don't mind you stopping somewhere along the way, then yes go. Of course there's a risk. You have to decide if that's a risk worth taking.

Anonymous wrote:This is such an impossible situation. My husband wants to go visit his family and I have all the same concerns as posters have listed on this thread. But when I say I would prefer not to go, his mom goes on these emotional tirades about how we are depriving her of contact with her grandkids and how we don't care about her anymore. Her husband died last year. On the other hand, she sees her sister and daughter frequently, so it's not like she's alone. I feel terrible for being the person saying no, we shouldn't go. But I'd also feel terrible if we went and anyone got sick. I can feel them all wearing me down. And if they do, they we have to fight another set of battles over whether or not we will stay with them, if we will socialize inside, if they will be aloud to hug us or our kids. The whole thing is exhausting and I'm tired of being in this position.

Just say no and be done with it. End the discussion.

This is such an impossible situation. My husband wants to go visit his family and I have all the same concerns as posters have listed on this thread. But when I say I would prefer not to go, his mom goes on these emotional tirades about how we are depriving her of contact with her grandkids and how we don't care about her anymore. Her husband died last year. On the other hand, she sees her sister and daughter frequently, so it's not like she's alone. I feel terrible for being the person saying no, we shouldn't go. But I'd also feel terrible if we went and anyone got sick. I can feel them all wearing me down. And if they do, they we have to fight another set of battles over whether or not we will stay with them, if we will socialize inside, if they will be aloud to hug us or our kids. The whole thing is exhausting and I'm tired of being in this position.

Op,

You’d have to have a negative test, completely quarantine yourself for at least two weeks, then test negative again, and drive completely contactless for 18 hours—with young kids, yeah right. The turnaround on testing is abysmal unless you’re a Trump.

Say theoretically you get to your destination and have not get infected along the way. What happens if someone in your family sustains an injury? And then there’s the drive back.

We all miss our family members. But optional trips will not help contain the virus.

Anonymous wrote:I am really stuggling with this as well. My parents are in FL. My Dad has suffered a massive stroke 2 years ago, recovered alot, but is failing lateley. He is 81 and I don't think has much more time. My Mom has nursing help 9 hours a day but the other hours are wearing on her. The numbers if FL are horrific, and I am scared to go. But I know they need me. Prior to this I was flying once a month or so to help. We are a very tight family. It was wearing me out, no doubt, but you do what you have to do. So do I go and risk myself, and maybe bring it to them or do I not, and miss his last days. Sucks all around.

I’m in a similar situation with my parents who have caregivers. I have one of the risk factors. So I worry I could get the sick, it I also worry that I could get sick from them because even though my parents are staying home I don’t know what their caregivers are doing,

A well respected contagious disease expert was recently on the New York Times' Daily podcast. He was on the show to describe what the latest data says about what is safe and what isn't. He was pretty lenient about going to grocery stores, not wiping off packages, etc. I was stunned at the end when the host asked him the one thing he WON'T do and he said he has not seem his grandkids since March. They live right near him and he's in his 60s.

That really put things into perspective for me regarding seeing my in-laws.