Anonymous wrote:I slapped my 13 or 14 year old once in the heat of the moment for him calling me a bitch. I didn't even think, just turned around quick and slapped him.

He's now 19, and doesn't even remember it, though my 17 year old remembers it. 19 year old said he must have needed it, and it had no long term impact.

We are not an abusive household, and this weighed on my for years. I don't believe I apologized either. Just sent him to his room. If it was reoccurring, then yes, it would be abuse IMO

I called my mom the b-word when I was 16- I knew I wasn’t supposed to say it but I did. She slapped me and I very much deserved it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I slapped my 13 or 14 year old once in the heat of the moment for him calling me a bitch. I didn't even think, just turned around quick and slapped him.

He's now 19, and doesn't even remember it, though my 17 year old remembers it. 19 year old said he must have needed it, and it had no long term impact.

We are not an abusive household, and this weighed on my for years. I don't believe I apologized either. Just sent him to his room. If it was reoccurring, then yes, it would be abuse IMO

So if you rape a girl when she's drugged, as long as she doesn't remember it, then it's not abuse and she must have needed it, and it has no long term impact?

Are you insane? Why in the world would you compare those two things? They are not the same, obviously. You are nuts.

NP agree. Some of the people on this thread are engaging in ridiculous strawman arguments. Equating a one-time slap to rape or child molestation? Wtf.

I was spanked and hit with a belt (and occasionally a shoe horn!) on a fairly regular basis. I was definitely not a bad kid - good grades, never got into trouble at school, never touched drugs etc etc. I wish I remembered what the punishments were for - likely smart mouth, not listening (I was definitely a spirited child). Looking back, my mother was abusive and I was her target child. Her father was abusive and as hard as she tried to break the cycle, I dont think she could overcome it.

While I don't think a slap is truly abuse, I won't be hitting my children. Every time my kids strike a nerve, I think of the times I was hit and know I dont want them to feel that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up I was slapped for having a “smart mouth” enough that I remember flinching automatically on occasion when my parent was just reaching for a glass in the kitchen cabinet or something on a shelf.

I consider that abusive and I still have issues as a result.

This was me too. When I was younger it was spanking and being hit with a belt or terrible threats. As I got older it was face slapping. Funny the term "smart mouth" was often used as justification too. But that meant I disagreed with my mother or questioned a parenting or lifestyle choice. I was never disrespectful by calling names, using profanities, or screaming. I was actually a really good and obedient teenager and it makes me sad to think about how I was raised now.

We were also spanked with a belt. More by our mother. When that didn't seem to change our behavior she tried using a brush. It still didn't have the desired effect. When I got older I found it sad to realize that my mother thought if she just found the right thing to hit us with, that would do the trick. She never stopped to think that maybe she needed a totally different method of punishment since the one she was using was not giving her the desired result.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up I was slapped for having a “smart mouth” enough that I remember flinching automatically on occasion when my parent was just reaching for a glass in the kitchen cabinet or something on a shelf.

I consider that abusive and I still have issues as a result.

This was me too. When I was younger it was spanking and being hit with a belt or terrible threats. As I got older it was face slapping. Funny the term "smart mouth" was often used as justification too. But that meant I disagreed with my mother or questioned a parenting or lifestyle choice. I was never disrespectful by calling names, using profanities, or screaming. I was actually a really good and obedient teenager and it makes me sad to think about how I was raised now.

We were also spanked with a belt. More by our mother. When that didn't seem to change our behavior she tried using a brush. It still didn't have the desired effect. When I got older I found it sad to realize that my mother thought if she just found the right thing to hit us with, that would do the trick. She never stopped to think that maybe she needed a totally different method of punishment since the one she was using was not giving her the desired result.

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up I was slapped for having a “smart mouth” enough that I remember flinching automatically on occasion when my parent was just reaching for a glass in the kitchen cabinet or something on a shelf.

I consider that abusive and I still have issues as a result.

This was me too. When I was younger it was spanking and being hit with a belt or terrible threats. As I got older it was face slapping. Funny the term "smart mouth" was often used as justification too. But that meant I disagreed with my mother or questioned a parenting or lifestyle choice. I was never disrespectful by calling names, using profanities, or screaming. I was actually a really good and obedient teenager and it makes me sad to think about how I was raised now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I slapped my 13 or 14 year old once in the heat of the moment for him calling me a bitch. I didn't even think, just turned around quick and slapped him.

He's now 19, and doesn't even remember it, though my 17 year old remembers it. 19 year old said he must have needed it, and it had no long term impact.

We are not an abusive household, and this weighed on my for years. I don't believe I apologized either. Just sent him to his room. If it was reoccurring, then yes, it would be abuse IMO

So if you rape a girl when she's drugged, as long as she doesn't remember it, then it's not abuse and she must have needed it, and it has no long term impact?

Are you insane? Why in the world would you compare those two things? They are not the same, obviously. You are nuts.

Either way, you’d have to be dumb to do that now. Kids now know that it’s unacceptable and they’ll likely call the cops on you.

Anonymous wrote:I was hit a lot by both parents with belts, sticks, books etc and one of the worst memories I have is being slapped. It is incredibly demeaning.

I was raised by grandparents and had multiple relatives live with me/raise me. I remember very, very, verry clearly the two times I was slapped in the face by my relatives. It is incredibly demeaning, and I will never forget it. It made me feel worthless. It almost would have been better if they hit me with a belt, anywhere else. Do NOT slap people in the face. It may have been heat of the moment and they do not remember now.. but I do.. and it always bothered me. I don’t feel comfortable with either to this day.

Yes. I still have a very vivid memory of my mother slapping my sister in the face in front of me when I was about 12 and my sister was 16. It's the only time I remember my mom hitting one of us, but it reflected dysfunction in our family and, in particular, my mother's difficulty in viewing her children as people with separate needs and lives than hers.

Also, though my mom didn't usually hit us, my father spanked us with a belt throughout our childhoods. Both of my parents engaged in emotional abuse and neglect. I mention this because it reflects the pattern of abuse that occurred in my home. I'm sure my mom would say that hey, she only hit my sister once so it wasn't abusive, but she would probably concede that my dad's behavior was abuse. But it's one family. It's a system of abuse. Families that practice respectful communication and parents that model healthy behaviors for their kids don't just accidentally slap their kids once. It's usually part of a greater dysfunction.

That said, if you did slap your kid but held yourself accountable, apologized, and created a plan for ensuring it wouldn't happen again, I think you could undo the harm of the slap. Every parent makes mistakes. Acknowledging them and holding yourself accountable is how you model for your kids how to deal with their own mistakes.

Anonymous wrote:Is a parent open-handed face slapping a child or teen constitute abuse?

Yes, of course. If someone slapped you would you consider it a friendly gesture?

Anonymous wrote:Is a parent open-handed face slapping a child or teen constitute abuse?

As a one time thing I don't consider it "abuse" per se, but I also don't believe that humiliation is a good motivator so slapping someone in the face would not have a good chance of achieving anything positive.

I'd rather use my words to get through to someone--child or adult. I have placed my hands on my children's shoulders (not grabbed or held with force) in order to get them to look me in the face and pay attention to my words. I wouldn't want to be slapped in the face so I don't choose that method of discipline with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:I slapped my 13 or 14 year old once in the heat of the moment for him calling me a bitch. I didn't even think, just turned around quick and slapped him.

He's now 19, and doesn't even remember it, though my 17 year old remembers it. 19 year old said he must have needed it, and it had no long term impact.

We are not an abusive household, and this weighed on my for years. I don't believe I apologized either. Just sent him to his room. If it was reoccurring, then yes, it would be abuse IMO

So if you rape a girl when she's drugged, as long as she doesn't remember it, then it's not abuse and she must have needed it, and it has no long term impact?

I was hit a lot by both parents with belts, sticks, books etc and one of the worst memories I have is being slapped. It is incredibly demeaning.

When I was growing up I was slapped for having a “smart mouth” enough that I remember flinching automatically on occasion when my parent was just reaching for a glass in the kitchen cabinet or something on a shelf.

I consider that abusive and I still have issues as a result.

Its disrespectful. I come down like a ton of bricks on my kids if they need it, but I'm not going to slap them. I can be more creative. If I ever slapped them it would be fully done in anger and that's not how I discipline.