Anonymous wrote:You don't approach it with them - ever. If you wanted some of your son's education paid for then you should have started saving towards it years ago. Has this ever been discussed with your husband?

This.

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s a family tradition in DH’s family to educate the kids in a particular college.. My son and stepson are the same age and grew up together for most of their lives. However, my ILs say they will cover tuition for their own grandson without any mention of doing something for his stepbrother. I find this unfair and inappropriate as if to sow discord between the two of them. How should I approach this with them?

Have your parents pay for their grandson's tuition or have the bio Dad pay for the college tuition or you and your husband pay for the college tuition.

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say about this?

Asked and answered. See page 1.

So now you only have to save and contribute for one kid to go to college. They've done you a favor.

Also, be prepared to pay for for your stepson's children to go to the same school, if that's the family tradition.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

Your husband is disinterested in his stepson’s future? Lady, THAT is what you need to be posting about. Forget the grandparents. They have no obligation to your child. But your spouse? That’s a whole different story.

This. I understand your frustration and sympathize with you if your son’s biological dad is uninvolved and he has no living grandparents on your side. However, it seems your husband is the problem if he doesn’t care about your son’s future.

Yes, your DH is the problem. Did he help raise your son?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

[/b]Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future[b]. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

You have a major DH problem. Sorry you married an ahole.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is not their grandson!

But he is! He’s grown up in that family- he should for all purposes be considered a grandson of theirs.

He should be but he isn’t - that is the grandparents’ choice and OP needs to deal with it. It is not her or anyone’s place to make them accept him as full fledged family. All OP is entitled to is to decide her reaction based on this knowledge. She can die on this hill or take the money and be grateful. I’d personally do the latter but knowing how they really view what makes a family, I would never view them the same way again.

if someone wanted to pay for one and only one of my kids' college I'd say--GREAT THANK YOU. now I can pay for the other child more easily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

Your husband is disinterested in his stepson’s future? Lady, THAT is what you need to be posting about. Forget the grandparents. They have no obligation to your child. But your spouse? That’s a whole different story.

This. I understand your frustration and sympathize with you if your son’s biological dad is uninvolved and he has no living grandparents on your side. However, it seems your husband is the problem if he doesn’t care about your son’s future.

Anonymous wrote:You can be gracious and say that while you appreciate the offer, it would be problematic to treat the two brothers differently, so you will sort it out on your own with both of them.

Or you could accept the money with a grateful thank-you, and use it to offset the money you will spend toward the other young man's tuition.

Those are your options.

+1.

This is it OP. Take your pick.

What does your husband say about this?

Anonymous wrote:Your son is not their grandson!

But he is! He’s grown up in that family- he should for all purposes be considered a grandson of theirs.

That is hurtful, OP. Especially if you’ve been a part of their family for a long time. I never had a great relationship with my stepmom, but her parents and grandparents were always inclusive of me (my stepmom married my dad when I was 9), and that meant the world to me. They signed birthday cards, from grandma, or great-grandmother. It meant a lot to me that I was included.

But I’m really wondering about your husband. Does he treat your son like his son? He’s really the only person who can run interference here. He’s the only one who is in a position to say something to his parents. I would want him to speak up, to say something to the effect of “I have two sons”

Your son is not their grandson!

I would be so very grateful that they are cutting my college tuition burden in half. That is amazing. Period.