I wish I spank my kids but unfortunately its not accepted by mainstream society. It probably stopped when millennials were young. Such a shame.

I was spanked a few times. I actually spanked my kids more than I was spanked as a child.

I remember as a child both the angry swat in the moment type spanking, and that could be a little bit scary, as well as the measured, judicious, over the knee spanking. The second one was not scary, but it was effective.

That is the spanking that we used with our kids when they were a little bit younger, and it was effective when warnings or other consequences were not.

The data and studies that people cite purporting to show adverse effects never attempt to control for any factors like type of corporal punishment, context, frequency, inherent disposition of the child, socioeconomic factors, or a thousand other variables. They see it only as a binary factor, and to draw conclusions from that is absurd.

A spanking administered after a child has definitively crossed a line in behavior, that is delivered dispassionately, not out of control, where it’s conveyed before and after that this is a consequence of his choices and behavior, is extremely effective and not harmful.

Anonymous wrote:I have no issues with people spanking their children. I was spanked and it did not negatively impact me or teach me to hit people. I have a great relationship with my parents, we're close. From what I've seen, I wish certain people spanked their kids. People won't admit it, but their kids are out of control little a**holes.

Well, you can train a dog to comply or you can beat the hell out of it. At some point, yeah, physical violence will turn a kid compliant. But the alternative, GOOD PARENTING, requires better strategy, restraint, and creative systems of punishment and reward.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t plan on doing it- and I was. I believe a lot of spanking is cultural- I dare you to find an Asian kid that wasn’t spanked. Generallly, I find that most kids that did not grow up in the US, were spanked and that the stigma isn’t what it is here.

This nails it (and hilarious):
https://youtu.be/uwbc_v1xBAU

And in many other developed countries, including European countries, it is illegal to spank your children.

^^^ * Euphemism for hitting.

Anonymous wrote:If you do not want your kids to ever hit anyone, you should not hit them. It is one of the few issues that is quite clear to me...and I was spanked as a child by otherwise excellent parents. I think it is a loss of control by the parents rather than any kind of discipline.

+1

And let’s call it what it is: hitting. “Spanking” is a euphemism for hearing.

If I hit my next-door neighbor, that constitutes assault. I don’t know why it’s any different when we hit children, other than that we live in a barbaric country in various respects.

Also, the comment that “I was hit and I am fine” is meaningless. I’m sure you didn’t ride in a car seat, either, and you were probably exposed to secondhand smoke, but that doesn’t make it OK.

I have no issues with people spanking their children. I was spanked and it did not negatively impact me or teach me to hit people. I have a great relationship with my parents, we're close. From what I've seen, I wish certain people spanked their kids. People won't admit it, but their kids are out of control little a**holes.

I'll start with this, I was spanked and I did actively spank my kids. Reading the various comments is thought provoking.

Here are some thoughts:
- Everyone's spanking experience is different. All kids do not have the same reaction/response to spanking. Also, all parents do not spank out of anger.
- Spanking is a tool in your tool belt of being a parents. If it's helpful, great, use it. If your parenting style doesn't incorporate it, that's fine too. There isn't a right or wrong with spanking because all kids are different and all parents are different.
- Abuse is abuse. Can spanking be abuse? Sure. But is all spanking abuse? Certainly not.
- Yes, for those who are saying spanking is a short cut (or insert whatever term you would like to use), yes it is. Sometimes parents get emotional and angry and it's easier to spank as a reaction than to patiently explain to your child why you are mad. Parents are people too. I'm surprised no one has shared a story to hear how their parents apologized to them for spanking out of anger. That's powerful too.
- For the folks saying it is hypocritical when parents spank and then saying their children shouldn't hit other children, why are you assuming that children shouldn't hit other children? In my household (can't speak for others), spanking is a corporal punishment. There are various levels of punishment and if you've gotten to spanking, then you've leveled up from the lower levels of punishment. Similarly, if another kid keeps bullying my kid, and my kid has told them to stop multiple times, told the teacher, etc (lower levels of warning) and the bullying continues, they have my permission to hit the other kid. There is a process that gets you to the point of a physical altercation but you have to respect and follow the process.
- Instead of arguing whether spanking is effective or not, or harmful or not, the discussion should be focused on whether your parents loved you unconditionally or not. I'm guessing for those that have positive experiences with spanking, it is because you remember that your parents loved you unconditionally. And vice versa.

Thanks to everyone for a healthy discussion on this topic.

Anonymous wrote:What’s worse: spanking in the moment, in anger or frustration or spanking as a planned punishment meted out in cold blood?

I think both are wrong for different reasons but bottom line is you shouldn’t hit other people except in self-defense.

Yeah some people pretend like if you deliver violent punishment acting like a robot, it's somehow better. "It wasn't out of frustration or anger." Okayy..... so it was out of carefully planned cruelty? Bizarre.

What’s worse: spanking in the moment, in anger or frustration or spanking as a planned punishment meted out in cold blood?

I think both are wrong for different reasons but bottom line is you shouldn’t hit other people except in self-defense.

I don’t plan on doing it- and I was. I believe a lot of spanking is cultural- I dare you to find an Asian kid that wasn’t spanked. Generallly, I find that most kids that did not grow up in the US, were spanked and that the stigma isn’t what it is here.

This nails it (and hilarious):
https://youtu.be/uwbc_v1xBAU

I was spanked. My parents were always demonstrating active upset when they gave this punishment. I remember on several occasions feeling confused about why I was getting spanked, so it wasn’t a helpful tool for learning better behavior. I was actively fearful of my father until I was about eight, and I distrusted my parents, so I had a tendency to be sneaky instead of compliant.

As an adult I really believe in logical consequences. If you make a mess, you clean it up. If you can’t care for something, it gets taken away. Break something carelessly, it won’t get replaced. Sometimes it takes a lot of creativity to think of a logical consequence. However, it is a much better tool for teaching self control and better behavior.

Anonymous[b wrote:]If you do not want your kids to ever hit anyone, you should not hit them.[/b] It is one of the few issues that is quite clear to me...and I was spanked as a child by otherwise excellent parents. I think it is a loss of control by the parents rather than any kind of discipline.

+1 to the bold above.

We all tell children it's wrong to hit others.

If you tell your child, "Don't hit, hitting is wrong," yet then you spank your child, you are sending your impressionable child a mixed signal. A child hears the words "don't hit" but the experience of being hit by the most important person in his world is much more influential on a child than mere words. It's basically "Do as I SAY, not as I DO" from the parent.

Actions truly are louder than words with children. Model not hitting by, well, not hitting THEM.

And yes, spanking is hitting.

I was spanked by my parents - not often and only for serious transgressions, but I remember it as being more regular than they do. I knew I didn't want to do it with my own kids given the more recent research that had come out and recommendations by doctors, but I also thought it hadn't really affected me negatively. However, when I read a little bit more about the reasoning for those recommendations, I recognized some of the detrimental effects in my own childhood behaviors and issues. I don't think the damage was lasting or has scarred me in the long term but I can see how it easily could have and it negatively affected some of my younger experiences.

I agree with PP who cited frustration in parents as a source of danger. I have taken anger management classes and been in therapy as I used to smash and throw things as a young adult but the worst I have done in anger against my kids was throwing a ball across a messy playroom. They were so frightened. I regret that incident still but it would have been so much worse had I spanked them. Only calm people should ever spank.