Anonymous wrote:In their health family histories, my parents experienced alcoholism on the paternal side (my grandparents) and depression on the maternal side (my grandmother and aunt). They still chose to birth 3 children. One is an alcoholic and one is bipolar. Thank goodness I escaped both.

Putting kids together piece by piece is not possible. I have read thousands of posts on DCUM where (bio) children were created and raised without a second thought to the family health history. That's irresponsible. If health histories are as important as posters say, then they are important in the creation of bio children as well as adoptive children. Yet bio parents seem to disregard examples like alcoholic grandparents or their 2 aunts' bipolar disorder. Weird.

Are you saying we need to go towards designer babies?
People have allergies, skew teeth, bald patches, some are too tall, others too short

In their health family histories, my parents experienced alcoholism on the paternal side (my grandparents) and depression on the maternal side (my grandmother and aunt). They still chose to birth 3 children. One is an alcoholic and one is bipolar. Thank goodness I escaped both.

Putting kids together piece by piece is not possible. I have read thousands of posts on DCUM where (bio) children were created and raised without a second thought to the family health history. That's irresponsible. If health histories are as important as posters say, then they are important in the creation of bio children as well as adoptive children. Yet bio parents seem to disregard examples like alcoholic grandparents or their 2 aunts' bipolar disorder. Weird.

Anonymous wrote:A big part of the issues is not knowing family history. Either the birth parents don't know as they are young/never cared or choose for what ever reason not to disclose. If your family you generally know drug/alcohol use, depression, mental health, learning disabilities. I knew the risks going into it due to my background but I don't think people truly get the impact of drug/alcohol use or some mental health issues that are genetic. We were pushed into situations like bipolar which I was not comfortable with as there is a high probability it can pass through the blood line. The "professionals" often push situations onto families who agree out of desperation and don't really understand the long term.

Bipolar is related to circumstances too

Anonymous wrote:Thinking of adoption at some point... and would love to hear from others experiences with the process!
1. Did you already have kids?
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system?
3. How long did the process take?
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted?
5. How much did the adoption cost?
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?)

1. No
2. Foster to adopt.
3. about a year -- we fostered first, then they were released for adoption (bio parental rights terminated)
4. 3 and 6 -- bio siblings
5. O. Everything was free -- including home study (which had to be done for fostering -- it was just updated for the adoption), workshops,/trainings etc
6. We had fostered our kids -- b/g bio siblings for about a year -- before being offered/completing the adoption, so the kids already considered us Mom & Dad. You will not just adopt right off the bat. Be prepared to foster first for several rounds of placements. We are unusual in that we adopted the first kids we fostered. It will much easier to foster/adopt if you can take a sibling group --usually 2-3 kids. I (mom) was able to stay at home the year we fostered and then the year when we adopted due to the no -cost issue. (Then i returned full-time.) That played a great deal in our favor. I don't think social services is looking for families where both parents plan to work full-time/overtime and plan to leave their new children with a nanny. We were fully bonded with our kids by the time we went to court to make it legal.

Anonymous wrote:Thinking of adoption at some point... and would love to hear from others experiences with the process!
1. Did you already have kids?
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system?
3. How long did the process take?
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted?
5. How much did the adoption cost?
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?)

1. No
2. Agency
3. 1 years from starting homestudy to placement. We were placed 2 months after application; which is rare.
4. 1 month
5. $50K
6. Suggest consulting with a reputable attorney, especially if you are unsure of pros and cons of international/domestic/public/private.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No other kids, used Adoptions Together and did a domestic infant adoption. I wanted to adopt from Central America initially but when we looked into International no other country ( that does adoptions with the US) will adopt to a gay couple. This may have changed by now, I have no idea. We started the process in March 2011 and finished all our paperwork, home study, background check etc in Nov. it’s a lot built they walk you through it. Adopted DD the following July, so less than a year actual wait time. She was 31 days old. Healthy AA infant. Our total cost was around $23K. Some of this is income based. Our HHI at the time was around 130K. One of the things I like about Adoptions Together is their after adoption support. Because we are a transracial adoptive family we joined their transracial support group. We meet once a month ( pre Covid) and the adults can chat about different racial related issues we might be having and the kids play and get to be around other kids with families like theirs.

OMG I used adoptions together and they offered me sick child after sick child and pushed and pushed for me to take them. What an awful place.

Had you specified that you were open to adopting a special needs child? Normally, that is assessed early in the process.

They probably went through their list of families, most said no, then they tried this poster. We had other facilitators and agencies pressure us into doing things like pay for 8-9 months of living expenses including rent, cable tv, food and cell phones...they were getting state help but facilitator insisted it was not enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No other kids, used Adoptions Together and did a domestic infant adoption. I wanted to adopt from Central America initially but when we looked into International no other country ( that does adoptions with the US) will adopt to a gay couple. This may have changed by now, I have no idea. We started the process in March 2011 and finished all our paperwork, home study, background check etc in Nov. it’s a lot built they walk you through it. Adopted DD the following July, so less than a year actual wait time. She was 31 days old. Healthy AA infant. Our total cost was around $23K. Some of this is income based. Our HHI at the time was around 130K. One of the things I like about Adoptions Together is their after adoption support. Because we are a transracial adoptive family we joined their transracial support group. We meet once a month ( pre Covid) and the adults can chat about different racial related issues we might be having and the kids play and get to be around other kids with families like theirs.

OMG I used adoptions together and they offered me sick child after sick child and pushed and pushed for me to take them. What an awful place.

Had you specified that you were open to adopting a special needs child? Normally, that is assessed early in the process.

Anonymous wrote:No other kids, used Adoptions Together and did a domestic infant adoption. I wanted to adopt from Central America initially but when we looked into International no other country ( that does adoptions with the US) will adopt to a gay couple. This may have changed by now, I have no idea. We started the process in March 2011 and finished all our paperwork, home study, background check etc in Nov. it’s a lot built they walk you through it. Adopted DD the following July, so less than a year actual wait time. She was 31 days old. Healthy AA infant. Our total cost was around $23K. Some of this is income based. Our HHI at the time was around 130K. One of the things I like about Adoptions Together is their after adoption support. Because we are a transracial adoptive family we joined their transracial support group. We meet once a month ( pre Covid) and the adults can chat about different racial related issues we might be having and the kids play and get to be around other kids with families like theirs.

OMG I used adoptions together and they offered me sick child after sick child and pushed and pushed for me to take them. What an awful place.

Anonymous wrote:Thinking of adoption at some point... and would love to hear from others experiences with the process!
1. Did you already have kids?
2. Did you adopt privately through an agency or through the foster system?
3. How long did the process take?
4. What age was your child(ren) when you adopted?
5. How much did the adoption cost?
6. Anything you learned along the way that would be helpful to someone considering adoption or anything you did differently you would share?)

1. Yes
2. Adopted through an agency focused on international adoption.
3. 1 year.
4. 15 months
5. About $20,000
6. Our daughter is 20 now; she's a joyouse, beautiful (inside and out), smart, talented and mature young woman. As a family, we've always been very open about adoption, but adoption hasn't been at the center of our family life. It's part of our family identity and part of our daughter's identity, but not the most important part of either. We anticipate that as a young adult, our daughter's perspective on adoption will evolve and become more complex, especially when she becomes a parent herself. We'll walk with her on that journey, knowing that our family's love will be a strong foundation. If you adopt, you'll find that even in an area like the DMV with so many highly educated people who have traveled internationally, there are many people who see adoption as "less than" or who think adoption is an act of charity. (This includes people who think of themselves as woke.) Be prepared to call them on their misconceptions.

A big part of the issues is not knowing family history. Either the birth parents don't know as they are young/never cared or choose for what ever reason not to disclose. If your family you generally know drug/alcohol use, depression, mental health, learning disabilities. I knew the risks going into it due to my background but I don't think people truly get the impact of drug/alcohol use or some mental health issues that are genetic. We were pushed into situations like bipolar which I was not comfortable with as there is a high probability it can pass through the blood line. The "professionals" often push situations onto families who agree out of desperation and don't really understand the long term.

1. No
2. Agency- Adoptions Together
3. Once our home study was completed and we signed with the domestic infant program two months (we’re not the norm)
4. We brought our child home from the hospital
5. They do a sliding scale and we were on the upper end- all in it was around 30k including home study and follow ups (so thankful for the adoption tax credit!)
6. Go with your gut, when you feel like it’s the right time to start the process start, if you don’t just wait a bit.

So I am not saying that kids who came into the family don't have needs you should be sensitive to. But I am saying that a negative expectation or stereotype is wrong to impose on all adopted kids. And again, the problems often stem from early exposures/environments, not being adopted.

I agree with this perspective, as a parent through adoption.

Anonymous wrote:Area adult adoptees saying they would rather not be adopted and stay in an orphanage?

It is wrong to suggest that adopted kids should feel more grateful than bio-kids. They just got parents to raise them, which is what all kids deserve.

I am one of the parents who posted a success story earlier. I am still very grateful for the training I got (intensive, from Catholic Charities, local agency in Baltimore) about what to expect and how to handle issues that were likely to come up for my child.

I also attended CASE's Wise up program, and have been to panels of adopted kids (who were grown). We also spent years blending my child's birth culture into our traditions. All of this training was excellent and MAY have helped prevent problems experienced by others we know who adopted their children. Or, it was luck of the draw. Or some combination.

So I am not saying that kids who came into the family don't have needs you should be sensitive to. But I am saying that a negative expectation or stereotype is wrong to impose on all adopted kids. And again, the problems often stem from early exposures/environments, not being adopted.

oh I get it, You are the same troll that posts the same thing every time an adoption thread comes up. I am the PP with a husband who was (domestically) adopted with our boys who are (internationally) adopted. We love reading your doomsday posts.

Anonymous wrote:Area adult adoptees saying they would rather not be adopted and stay in an orphanage?

No one has said that. What people have said is that if you are adopting and you want to be prepared, you should develop an understanding about abandonment, attachment issues and FAS. And, you should realize that these are issues that may not manifest until kids are older or even as adults. Also, just because someone looks ok does not mean that they actually are.