Her friend had a medical procedure 17 years, and so???

Personally I would tell, and I did tell. But that’s because I want my husband to love me warts and all. If he can’t accept me for who I am and he was not the right person for me.

Anonymous wrote:I have always told all serious boyfriends. I think it’s important to know women in their lives have needed abortions. Why should it be hidden?

This. When we keep secrets about our abortions , sexual assault and sexual harassment experiences, it prevents us, as a group from creating allies, it makes us live in authentically in fear and anxiety and shame and it leaves the same broken world for our kids to inherit. It also prevents us from accessing a major way of screening out partners who cannot be supportive of our real authentic selves.

If she is planning to have kids with him it may come up during an appointment.

If she thinks telling him would end the relationship, then maybe the wedding should not be taking place.

I have always told all serious boyfriends. I think it’s important to know women in their lives have needed abortions. Why should it be hidden?

It's up to the woman getting married. Personally, I would tell him. But, depends on the situation. If they are both older, it is assumed they both have a sexual / dating history and most men don't tell all.

Have you ever had any man tell you one of their girlfriends aborted their child and he supported it?

So, if she and her dh are 21, sure, tell him. If they are 30+ nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s ever in a doctor’s appt with her when she has to go through her history, he’s going to find out. Better to be upfront about it.

This.

No, she can say she had a miscarriage.

Or she can just omit it. It is highly unlikely to matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know whether a woman I was seriously dating had had an abortion, even if she had had it over a decade ago.

It wouldn't be your $%#ing business.

+1. It's not his business. Nor is it any more important than any other sort of ob-gyn visit she had before she met him, even though a lot of people like to get all het up about it these days.

That said, if there's reason to think he'd feel really strongly about it, I probably would recommend telling him. Both as a mark of respect for someone else's strong feelings, even if I know they're utterly misguided and based in bad information promulgated by groups with ulterior motives, and because if he's going to think that makes her a bad person she should cut that loser loose now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s ever in a doctor’s appt with her when she has to go through her history, he’s going to find out. Better to be upfront about it.

This.

No, she can say she had a miscarriage.

And get a divorce later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s ever in a doctor’s appt with her when she has to go through her history, he’s going to find out. Better to be upfront about it.

This.

No, she can say she had a miscarriage.

Anonymous wrote:If he’s ever in a doctor’s appt with her when she has to go through her history, he’s going to find out. Better to be upfront about it.

This.

Anonymous wrote:OP os not saying she plans to tell BFF’s husband to be - she is saying she wants to advise BFF not to tell but is seeking input on whether that is the right decision.

I’m in the camp that spouses should be able to share everything about themselves, but I recognize this isn’t always possible.

+1 I wouldn't want to head into marriage feeling like I was keeping a secret.