Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 14:43     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
You said it’s been happening “lately”, which makes me think it’s worth working on. If it’s long-standing and pervasive, I would understand separating.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 14:39     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:A question for those who are saying OP is too sensitive. If you were constantly saying things that were critical of your spouse's appearance, behavior, scent etc, and you knew you were repeatedly hurting their feelings, you wouldn't even attempt to stop or even frame the comments differently? You'd just expect them to grow a thicker skin and keep hurting their feelings, on purpose? That blows my mind. I am hardly wife of the year but I try avoid hurting my husband's feelings.



If a wife constantly hurts her husband's feeling she's emasculating or a shrew or a nag.

If a husband constantly hurts his wife's feelings he's a regular guy and she's too sensitive.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 14:39     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:1 & 2 are not cool
3 normal, my DH says the same.
4 & 5 you’re way to sensitive


+1

There must be other issues, yes?
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 14:36     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
A question for those who are saying OP is too sensitive. If you were constantly saying things that were critical of your spouse's appearance, behavior, scent etc, and you knew you were repeatedly hurting their feelings, you wouldn't even attempt to stop or even frame the comments differently? You'd just expect them to grow a thicker skin and keep hurting their feelings, on purpose? That blows my mind. I am hardly wife of the year but I try avoid hurting my husband's feelings.

Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 14:24     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Your husband sounds like a regular guy. Sometimes we just don’t get it. I told my wife once that her breath smelled and now she isn’t crazy about kissing because she’s afraid her breath will smell.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 14:16     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Yes, I think you're over-reacting. You seem overly sensitive - for the scent issues I would be thankful that it was my husband, the person I'm closest to, letting me know I don't smell good.

He clearly hated the dog more than you did. You should have just let it go. You definitely sound too sensitive and high strung.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 13:51     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:1 & 2 are not cool
3 normal, my DH says the same.
4 & 5 you’re way to sensitive


Huh. I think that #5 is the worst. Even if it was true, it’s not something I would want my neighbors to know.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 13:43     Subject: Re:DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being a little bit overly sensitive. None of this sounds intentionally mean.


Numbers 1 and 2 sound very intentionally mean to me, like he is trying to tear down her confidence.

OP, does he ever compliment you?


It is interesting how in all examples, he is merely being honest and straightforward with her, and so I don't see how he is being intentionally mean. I think she definitely married the wrong guy for her personality type. If my husband said that my child only said I'm the best mommy because he doesn't know any better, I would have laughed, and said that's true! My husband did tell me my extra skin on my tummy could be fixed by diet and exercise, and I was annoyed-- because he was wrong, not that my feelings were hurt. It is skin and there is no amount of diet or exercise getting rid of it. I am the PP and I stand by my opinion that OP is too sensitive. She needs to find another guy who will validate her rather than respond honestly to her.


DP but I think you're just wrong here - how can he be "honest and straightforward" in #5 when he's arguing back and forth with her about her own feelings? For him to insist she was happy the dog died, when she's explicitly saying it made her sad, is not honest or straightforward. It's gaslighting and astonishingly disrespectful in front of company.

Add on #2 - weird how when your husband told you it was fat and not loose skin, he was "wrong" but when her husband says the same exact thing he's just honest. I see that you think OP is a weakling or something for wanting her husband to treat her kindly, but you're contradicting yourself in your rush to erase his bad behavior.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 13:39     Subject: Re:DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being a little bit overly sensitive. None of this sounds intentionally mean.


Numbers 1 and 2 sound very intentionally mean to me, like he is trying to tear down her confidence.

OP, does he ever compliment you?


It is interesting how in all examples, he is merely being honest and straightforward with her, and so I don't see how he is being intentionally mean. I think she definitely married the wrong guy for her personality type. If my husband said that my child only said I'm the best mommy because he doesn't know any better, I would have laughed, and said that's true! My husband did tell me my extra skin on my tummy could be fixed by diet and exercise, and I was annoyed-- because he was wrong, not that my feelings were hurt. It is skin and there is no amount of diet or exercise getting rid of it. I am the PP and I stand by my opinion that OP is too sensitive. She needs to find another guy who will validate her rather than respond honestly to her.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 13:06     Subject: Re:DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:sounds like he is nitpicking at everything about you and that would get very old. Have you told him in the past how his comments come across as mean, but he continues to do it? I don't blame you OP and wouldn't be able to deal with that forever myself.


Op here- yes- I always tell him how much they hurt me, and he just gets defensive and refuses to listen. It’s getting so. So. Old.


This is the real rub. If you had been just quietly seething for years, I would actually feel for the guy. But this is a dealbreaker. You can try couples counseling if he is actually showing any interest in saving the marriage, but honestly separation seems like the right move here.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 12:34     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
He is a clueless moron. There's no need to stick around. He needs to live alone. 3-year old will get used to not seeing him or you 24/7.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 12:31     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:Nothing your DH said was "mean" it was all very blunt and abrupt.

Does he have autism?

no, he has depression and trauma issues. He needs therapy. He sounds unhappy with himself, and it's manifesting itself by saying hurtful things to his wife. Hope he doesn't say hurtful things to his kids.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 12:23     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Nothing your DH said was "mean" it was all very blunt and abrupt.

Does he have autism?
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 12:21     Subject: DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Separating is the right move. I was with someone who made comments like that, and damn I’m glad I’m not still with him. My life is so much happier without him, and my fiancé would NEVER say those things to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2020 12:15     Subject: Re:DH says really mean things to me sometimes....how would you react?
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being a little bit overly sensitive. None of this sounds intentionally mean.


Numbers 1 and 2 sound very intentionally mean to me, like he is trying to tear down her confidence.

OP, does he ever compliment you?