Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 18:35     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.


And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.


True enough. And unlike a woman, a man can't fake it if he doesn't want it.

But, "can't get it up because the woman does not attract him" is the least likely case.

95% of the time or more, it is either,
"can't get it up because he has a physical ailment or is drunk as a skunk," or
"can't get it up because he has some underlying psychological issue probably the consequence of past abuse"

In those cases, his "rejection" is not at a conscious level and the situation will cause him considerable shame, pain, and embarrassment at the conscious level.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 17:46     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”


Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.


That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.


It's simpler than that. Men have have higher spontaneous desire, which means they are always aroused and want to have sex with all women, including their wives. Women have responsive desire and stop responding to the same old after a while.

But give a man a choice between his hot wife and average looking strange and he will choose the strange. Well, both if he gets to choose.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 16:22     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”


Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.


That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.


If you love your husband why would you hate having sex with him? So women just grow to hate sex? Yes, due to menopause sex can become very uncomfortable but there are plenty of ways to enjoy sex that are comfortable. There are plenty of women who hate sex who hate their husbands and enjoy sex once they are free of them.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 16:06     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”


Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.


That expression is not based on reality. Statistically the women get tired of sex with their husbands rather then the other way around. Studies were quoted on here years ago and I don’t think it’s really a challenged premise. Married guys mostly will stay happy having sex with same woman year after year. Many women start to hate having sex with their husband. It’s some Darwin thing.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 15:57     Subject: Re:Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am not one of those male posters.

It's a sliding scale, like all else. I mean, she can be a nympho rock star in bed but if she is a horrible mom and completely crazy, then no amount of sex is worth it.

Or putting it another way - my wife is an absolute rockstar homemaker, amazing homemade meals, spotless house, kids are thriving in school. We are sexless. I would rather eat cereal for dinner every night and have a good sex life. We are headed for divorce.


When those once-thriving kids become children of divorce, and eventually start exhibiting serious behavioral problems to include depression, mental health problems, drug abuse, etc. how will you explain to them that your sex drive was more important than they were?


Oh go away. My children with divorced parents are probably better than at least half of their private school classmates with both parents with their ADD and tutors and weight problems. My kids are happy and navigate well between homes.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 15:34     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.


And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.


This is a false equivalency. If a man can't get it up, there may be a medical condition, just like there may be a medical condition when a wife does not desire sex. Any decent person would understand and work through a medical condition.

But that's not what we're talking about here ...


A lot of women do feel rejected when their husband’s experience ED. But please, continue this narrative that only your feelings and your perspective are valid, even when your wife feels exactly the same way that you do when the tables are turned.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 14:59     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.


And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.


This is a false equivalency. If a man can't get it up, there may be a medical condition, just like there may be a medical condition when a wife does not desire sex. Any decent person would understand and work through a medical condition.

But that's not what we're talking about here ...


“No sex means rejection.”
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 14:39     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.


And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.


This is a false equivalency. If a man can't get it up, there may be a medical condition, just like there may be a medical condition when a wife does not desire sex. Any decent person would understand and work through a medical condition.

But that's not what we're talking about here ...


Ok. What if you try the old postage stamp trick, and it turns out not to be a physiological problem? Is it pretty equivalent?
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 14:30     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”


Huh? I'm married to a very attractive woman and I'm definitely not tired of having sex with her. I do get tired when I'm having sex with her and for that I am very thankful.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 14:20     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:I am a guy in a low sex marriage. There are other issues too.

I will say, when I was single (25 years ago), I had been with women who would sleep with me the first time we met, and I was with women who waiting.

From a sex perspective, the weirdest experience was a woman I met in a bar. She wanted to do it right then, and we went back to her minivan. She had a car seat in it. Did not stop me...I asked for her number, and she said "No. give me yours...I can't have my husband find out.". Um no.

The best pure sex was a wild woman. A few years older than me (37 I was 32). But very different stages of life (she had 19 and 15 yo kids). On our second date, I cooked dinner in my house (lived alone). We were talking saying things like we would not have sex today...as we were sitting in the corner naked. We went out for about 1 month. Sex was awesome. And she was always in the mood. While I had issues with PE, I could keep going (more than 3 or for o's with just a short pause to let the sensitivity down).....so she was happy. She was alway fresh and clean so oral was great, and she liked to give... She dumped me because 1) I could not hold my liquor, and 2) I refused to get high (security clearance).

With my wife, we took it slow. 2nd date kissed, third date a bit more, but we did not have intercourse until 2 months or so. We have been married for 21 years. Now, she is not in the mood ever. But, when we were dating, even before PIV, I could tell she had a decent sex drive. It slowed after childbirth, and died at menopause.



Her sex drive was never decent. She had sex with you to get married. Its a great motivator for low drive women wanting to get married. They do it until they hook you.-- a woman.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 14:05     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.


And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.


This is a false equivalency. If a man can't get it up, there may be a medical condition, just like there may be a medical condition when a wife does not desire sex. Any decent person would understand and work through a medical condition.

But that's not what we're talking about here ...
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 13:55     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:Men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.

I think quality men would leave if you’re not a good wife or mother. But good men wouldn’t leave if there’s only regular sex (once a week or so). I know my Dh places my wife and mother qualities above sex but the sex is good too.


Man here and I agree with that. My wife is a great wife and mother and while our once a week sex is less than I desire I’d be a fool to complain. The sex is definitely not duty sex because she is not that good an actress. On our infrequent kid-less vacations or any one night in a nice hotel the frequency ramps up as she gets out of her mom mode.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 13:33     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.

I think quality men would leave if you’re not a good wife or mother. But good men wouldn’t leave if there’s only regular sex (once a week or so). I know my Dh places my wife and mother qualities above sex but the sex is good too.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 13:31     Subject: Relative value of putting out
Anonymous wrote:When a wife does not want sex, it is rejection. She could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but no sex means rejection.


And when a man can’t get it up, it is rejection. He could be the wittiest person around, funny as can be, emotionally giving, etc., but you said it yourself- no sex means rejection.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2020 13:29     Subject: Relative value of putting out
“Show me an attractive married woman and I’ll show you a man tired of having sex with her.”