Advice from a few years in:

Learn to repair your own house. It’s amazing how many bad contractors are out there. Many have 5-star reviews because they are timely, courteous, and the job looks pretty. We have found that it’s often not up to code. My husband does 95% of the work on our house, and it has saved us a TON of money. Start researching home repairs now, and get familiar with code in your state. That way, when you go to buy a home, you will be looking with educated eyes. Not only will you avoid buying a money pit, you’ll save on repairs.

In addition, prioritize paying down debt and having an emergency fund.

One kid is 50 times easier than two. I was shocked. If the time comes and you can’t swing two, you’ll love your one and only. Promise.

You sound very responsible. I know you will make good choices.

When we were DINKs we VASTLY under valued how much we spent going out. Drinks with friends, a quick dinner, dinner and drinks and a show and then more drinks. That type of thing. Oh a quick plane trip here, dinners while there, MORE DRINKS. It was a LOT more than a few hundred dollars a month.

When we had our first kid, all those dinners out and happy hours became diapers and formula and mostly DAYCARE. But it wasn't nearly the insane stretch I thought it'd be.

Now baby #2 was freaking hard because daycare is so expensive. If you can space them 3+ years, I'd do that to spread out daycare costs. But our oldest is in K now and things feel affordable again. Of course we aren't super rich, make about $180k HHI but have a reasonable mortgage and make smart choices otherwise.

Buy a house before having the baby. Learn to do basic repairs on your own. Don't go into debt to furnish it immediately. Save enough for 3 months emergency fund before having the baby. Try to have a job with flexibility before the baby. Those are the things that will make your life as a parent much less stressful and enjoyable.

I've given this advice to dozens of friends. One who didn't listen is miserable right now because she ended up with twins in a 2-bedroom apartment and will probably never be able to buy a house now. Without room for another adult they can't have the nanny stay with them so they're juggling baby care and zoom calls during quarantine.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, you are overthinking.

You just have the kid.
Things are tight for a bit and then they aren't.

Very responsible!

We made sure that we made 150k hhi per child

You will be fine. We have 2 kids (4 and 2 years old) and our HHI for last year was $151K. Poor by DCUM standard. We survived. Both kids attending preschool and we pay $3500 a month. We were earning less before and daycare was $4000. These are tight years for sure but they are not forever. We own a TH and we have no debts. We have one more year of daycare before the oldest goes to kindergarten. You sound like a good planner and I’m sure you will make it work.

The best advice when we were thinking about ttc? Just have the damn baby, because you’ll never be ready, and you’ll never have enough money

Our DS is 11 months and we pay $1900 a month for daycare, $160 formula, and $100 on diapers per month. Plus any knick knacks or clothes etc you might need. I would budget for $2000 or around that.

You can afford it, and you're right that people do it on less. But I'll disagree that the most important thing is to increase your savings. I think you should focus on one or both of you getting higher paid jobs.

The reason DC is so expensive is because this is where the jobs are. From your OP, you both have college degrees and a network with people who make much more money in it. The pandemic lockdown might not be the best time to go on interviews, but you should be keeping in touch with your contacts to stay on their mind and thinking of ways you can move your career in a more highly-compensated direction. Brainstorm. Are there people with your degrees who make a bunch more money? What do they do? Has anyone from your company made a good career move you can use as inspiration?

You absolutely do not need to spend 2k for quality childcare in the DMV. We sent our first daughter to an amazing home daycare for about 1300 per month in Northern Va before she started preschool at 2 1/2 for which we pay about 1450 per month. It was about 15 kids with four caretakers and was the best of both worlds in my opinion (the routine and structure of a big center daycare with the love and comforts of a nanny share i.e. healthy home cooked meals, no turnover etc).

With that said, even 1300 a month on the lower end for childcare is going to be a big expense at your income level. Do you foresee any way to increase your incomes in the next 2-3 years? Likely, if you don't start trying until 2022, you won't actually get pregnant for 2-3 months assuming you're young and healthy so you won't actually HAVE the baby until 2023. A LOT can change in 3 years. I'd focus on getting your HHI up a couple grand by then. Then I'd say you'd be in a good spot.

We had our first baby when we were making 125k (I was in grad school at the time so not working). That was 3.5 years ago and we absolutely made it work. We bought a starter home around the same time and lived on about 8k per month with a PITI of 2700k. It was tight initially but we were comfortable. Once I started working again when my daughter turned 1, we started sending her to daycare. We now make a HHI of 300k not including bonuses, so like I say, a LOT can change. Planning and budgeting is a good thing but also if you wait for the perfect timing, that may never come. We have had several friends who did that and decided they were 'ready' finally in their late 30s and found it VERY difficult to have kids at that time, one couple had to do IVF and one couple ended up adopting.

Also, in terms of the house/school district, you have a LONG time before you need to worry about kindergarten and public school. With 7-8 years until then, I'd look for a good starter home in an area that's appreciating in value. You can upgrade once your first kid reaches school age.

Anonymous wrote:every once in a while you read something well said on DCUM. Cheers to you PP

+100

Aggressively pay off those loans. Lowering your debt-to-income ratio will allow you to get a better interest rate on your house. As will a robust down payment, so after the loans are paid off, move the money you had budgeted for payments to your savings.

Diapers do not cost $600/mo. We used Target brand and once the kid is eating solid food, you use 6-8 diapers a day.

Daycare at a center like Bright Horizons or Kindercare is $1500-2200 per month. In home daycare is $250-400/week. Once kids turn 2, the child to adult ratio changes and the price drops. It may drop again slightly for a pre-k year. Before/After care for elementary is $300-600/mo. Summer camp is roughly 400/week. Sports and activities don’t really start until age 5, except swim lessons.

Almost all kid gear you can get used - stroller, toys, clothes. I give away kids stuff all the time because I want it out of my house.

You definitely need a plan to afford your mortgage + preschool/ elementary costs. You have 2 years to save up for the very expensive early years where you have maternity leave, buying lots of gear and clothes, highest child care costs.

Echoing the others - childcare will be your biggest cost. No one spends $600 per month on diapers - maybe they meant per year?

With your income, I would probably consider an in-home daycare, and expect to spend about 1,400 a month. What is your house budget? $1500 PITI will be tough unless you go really far out or have a lot of cash to put down.

Anonymous wrote:First lesson of parenting: nothing ever goes to plan. You make plans, life throws you curve balls, and you adapt.

Yep. I had an oops child and then my ex left to move across the country. I did it by myself (well, she is 16 yrs old so almost there). I now make $70K per year but that is only recently. I started off making around $40K when she was younger. She goes to a fantastic school and always has. No real vacations but we do visit friends every few years and they live near the beach. Occasionally we will go on a plane to visit faraway friends. It's been a good life for her and we both appreciate what we have.