I married an excellent guy and I’d encourage my daughters to marry such. He makes 50%, does 50% household chores and loves his children. We both came from excellent families who prioritized all of that. His dad has always done tons of chores. I’m raising my son to not be lazy or take advantage of women

My dad was the best man in the world. He treated my mom as an equal and did a huge part of childcare. In fact, he coached all of our travel sports team. He also was the cook and the one to plan meals, grocery shop. My mom loved to clean, seriously.

We were UMC. 3 kids. 2 girls 1 boy, we all benefited from seeing this lovely marriage and my parents did not believe in “gender chores”. Girls also mowed the lawn and took out the trash and my brother was required to set the table, do laundry, etc.

I feel sorry for so many of you that grew up in households with crappy parents/marriages.

What you should tell your kids, is to look closely at a future partner’s families and how they interact. It’s predictive of the future.

My husband married me precisely because not only am I hot, but I had a graduate degree in STEM, an 800 credit score, a great career, former athlete and great sense of humor. We split household duties. We are both attracted to intelligence and humor.

Shallow people settle and marry for the reasons you state.

Have your daughters live in their own and develop their own identity and means to support themselves. This just the 1950s and women looking for “the Mrs. Degree”. The “man should not be the plan”. When you live your life that way, you will attract better men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do these beautiful children of yours OP do when they hit middle age and no longer have beauty?? Their husband leaves for somebody else and they had no job, no career and divorce doesn’t pay out like you think it does. It almost always results in a lower standard of living than they had while married.

Plus, genetically you don’t sound like a natural beauty.

Are you getting these girls multiple plastic surgery operations??

You are nasty and insane. Doesn’t “sound like a natural beauty?”

It’s the truth. These women “learned how to hair and make up well?” You sound like a 13-year old.

You are in the situation you are because of lack of character and intelligence. You probably watch a ton of reality TV and can name every Real Housewives from every franchise and follow the “eatpraylove” culture.

You also sound depressed besides just delusional. Stop blaming everyone else for your own problems.

Anonymous wrote:So what do these beautiful children of yours OP do when they hit middle age and no longer have beauty?? Their husband leaves for somebody else and they had no job, no career and divorce doesn’t pay out like you think it does. It almost always results in a lower standard of living than they had while married.

Plus, genetically you don’t sound like a natural beauty.

Are you getting these girls multiple plastic surgery operations??

You are nasty and insane. Doesn’t “sound like a natural beauty?”

Anonymous wrote:OP here - to be clear my DH does help around the house but keeping it running falls on me if that makes sense. For example, meal planning. Our housekeeper/nanny shops and
cooks but for years I have to the one that prepares the list (luckily she now largely took this on herself). Or, keeping track of the school calendar and knowing tomorrow is PJ day. This sort of thing.

Grow the f@ck up.

So what do these beautiful children of yours OP do when they hit middle age and no longer have beauty?? Their husband leaves for somebody else and they had no job, no career and divorce doesn’t pay out like you think it does. It almost always results in a lower standard of living than they had while married.

Plus, genetically you don’t sound like a natural beauty.

Are you getting these girls multiple plastic surgery operations??

OP- the make up and hair does not make beauty. That’s crazy talk.

Some of the most beautiful women I know do not need make up—or very little.

Smart, athletic, successful beautiful women are plenty in the work force. And, they are there by choice.

I can’t imagine choosing at 25-35 to essentially never work again for 60+ years.

Anonymous wrote:This is why I encourage my girls to pursue the arts. Life is too short to go to law school and then end up disillusioned after motherhood (and eventually no longer practicing anyway).

My dad was a scientist and I took after him. It pays very well. There is always work. I am in pathogenic microbiology and I live what I do.

I have a love for the arts which I pursue in my free time. The arts would not pay a good salary and provide great health benefits.

24-years in a marriage later, I’m glad I have the options to walk away if needed.

My parents stressed for all of us to always have our own means to support ourselves. It keeps you on equal footing.

I’ve seen way too many women stay with bad men or in unhappy situations because they do not have a career and are now middle-aged and out of the work force for 15+ years. They also do not have their own retirement earnings.

I have sons, but if I had daughters they would find lucrative work in a field that they love. All of the women in my family extended and immediate have worked even though nobody had to. It often is part-time, WAH or flex while kids are in the house, but everyone has flourishing careers with a strong voice outside of the home.

I would encourage team sports for girls too. I played a competitive team sport for 20 years which gives incredible confidence.

This is why I encourage my girls to pursue the arts. Life is too short to go to law school and then end up disillusioned after motherhood (and eventually no longer practicing anyway).

What are you teaching your sons about how to be a good partner who values their spouse’s contributions?

I’m older than OP at 61 but I had an MBA and my husband was always very supportive of my career and the choices I made. I encouraged my two daughters to get a good education and pursue careers and they both did. One has been a rock star in social media and the other has persued a very successful design career and they are both happily married with children. My son’s wife also has a very successful career. I have no problem if a woman decides to be a SAHM. I do have a problem if that’s all they aspire to when they are in high school.

WTH is wrong with you OP? I want all my kids to be educated and work hard and not have to rely on an imaginary spouse. My kids are KIDS. Yes I have been SAHM for years and was vulnerable and lucky that DH made a decent living and not abusive although we certainly had our share of arguments. You teach all your kids this thing called VALUES regardless of sex or gender. They will grow up and make their own choices as they please. Education and hard work are still required of SAHMs anyway.

These threads are so depressing I can't read them anymore. Poor girls.

How about you let them decide what they want to do with their life.

Telling them they need to put make up on and get a rich husband is probably setting them up for failure.