Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

I agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

I agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hearing back from stepfamily about

things that have sentimental value. They live about two thousand miles away. I visited last fall before my dad passed away. We were all polite to each other then. My dad was in his eighties and had spent through his retirement money. My dh and I helped him several times when he asked for help since he and his wife had only SSI. His wife passed away less than a year before he passed away. When the stepfamily asked for help with his final expenses, we sent a check for a good share of the cost. I did not go back again for the small graveside service but let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs. He was too sick to spend his last check. They said they would sell his car, not worth much, to also help cover his final costs. Later when I asked for photos and a few sentimental things I heard nothing back.

How long were he and your step mother married?

It's very odd (and sad!) that his step kids gave him a funeral that YOU, his own child, couldn't be bothered to attend...but you were kind enough to "let them know they should be able to use his last SSI check to help cover costs."

And now you are asking them to take the time to sort through and find "sentimental" items for you? I'd ignore you too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They took over everything without consulting me. The hospice nurse felt the need to tell me that they had taken him to close his bank account and had him sign over the title to his car. They made the arrangements for him the same day he passed before I even heard that he had passed away. Look up elder fraud. They took advantage of him for years.

You could have handled it and choose not to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

He did not want to help them to the point of being destitute. He wanted to keep his wife happy. We would have taken care of the arrangements but this already done this on the same day that he has passed away. Does anyone think that they may have had something to hid or gain by doing this? There is such a thing as elder fraud.

This is not elder fraud. You should have preplanned his death and funeral. You did not so they did.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

Anonymous wrote:They took over everything without consulting me. The hospice nurse felt the need to tell me that they had taken him to close his bank account and had him sign over the title to his car. They made the arrangements for him the same day he passed before I even heard that he had passed away. Look up elder fraud. They took advantage of him for years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

He did not want to help them to the point of being destitute. He wanted to keep his wife happy. We would have taken care of the arrangements but this already done this on the same day that he has passed away. Does anyone think that they may have had something to hid or gain by doing this? There is such a thing as elder fraud.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a classic "I hate dad's wife" kind of kid. I can only imagine what your behavior has been like over the years. I would guess you had a very strained relationship with him once he remarried, which I am sure would have been heartbreaking to him.

You clearly resent that your father spent time and money on his wife and her kids, that's for sure. Maybe your dad willingly did do because he liked them and wanted to help. It is certain her kids were there during his illness and final chapter in life. The fact they willingly took care of his arrangements is something YOU should be ashamed of since you are his legal next of kin.

Yes you get kudos for sending him money but you made it a point of keeping score. That's not a genuine act of giving, especially to a parent in need.

Anonymous wrote:+ And the fact your father chose to stay out there nearer his stepkids, even though you offered to move him to you, is also very telling.