Anonymous wrote:OP- I don't have any specific expertise to offer, but I am also concerned about your safety and your children's safety.

Our family had a positive experience with our minor child at Shephard Pratt in EC after an ER trip for the same issue. It was a tipping point in getting her stabilized.

Given your responsibility for minor children I suggest you err on the side of overreaction. I'm curious your DH's dr does not appear to be doing same.

Anonymous wrote:Some things you can do in addition to what others have said:

supervision, when someone is depressed and having suicidal ideation their brain plays tricks on them. Truly makes them think sometimes that others will be better off without them. It’s really terrible and not selfish like people sometimes say, their brain plays tricks on them. So you need to provide supervision as much as possible (personally I would not let my husband be alone in your situation and yes my husband has had suicidal ideation in the past). Basically you need to protect him from his brain that is trying to trick him by being present so he doesn’t have the chance to make an impulsive decision.

Remove the means: remove as many means to harm oneself from your home. Since he had a plan by hanging, consider and talk with him about what he thought he might use and REMOVE THOSE ITEMS IMMEDIATELY so they cannot be accessed (completely out of the home). If there is a gun in the home, remove it IMMEDIATELY. You can ask a trusted friend to hold it for you. But you need to remove easy ways to do this because again his brain is trying to trick him. If you remove means, you give yourself more time and less likelihood of impulsive and more lethal means. Remove pills and medication.

While you work with his therapist and yours, develop a safety plan together. “I know we are having an incredibly rough time together, but I need you to know tbat we need you and we want you HERE. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon when depressed and I understand you are struggling. But your brain is trying to trick you and I want you here with us and the kids. Our lives are better with you in it no matter what happens with our marriage. Can we develop a plan Together for what you will do if you have thoughts again?” Walk through very specific steps. Also ask him what has kept him from doing it in the past? When he thoight about it; what made him stop? Use that to help make a plan together. You can also do this with his therapist which would be ideal.

Find the mental health emergency and crisis lines in your area. Google will usually come up with them. There are usually mental health crisis teams, sometimes they will come to your house. So you have someone you can access immediately if you become concerned (please call 911 if you have immediate concerns for safety, this is more for assessments and support)

I hear people saying go to the ER and don’t disagree, but you need to discuss with him and maybe see if he is willing to engage in inpatient treatment. Know that someone cannot be committed against their will unless they are an immediate threat and PLAN to do something when they leave. But ideally he would agree to treatment. I agree with meds but again you need to talk to his therapist and him.

My recommendation as someone whose husband has done this is empathize, normalize, and be present with him. Let him know he can talk to you about this - you can handle it, he doesn’t need to hide it. Yes you are scared and taking it very seriously but you understand this is the depression talking not him. You need to keep the lines of communication open.

Thinking of both you and him. Meds did wonders for my husband over time, he hasn’t had suicidal ideation for 8 years and our marriage is infinitely better than it was during that time. There is hope.