Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What advice would any of you give to a 40 something woman with one child in preparing for 50. My goals
-Pay off my home
- Retire
-Save for kids college
-Spend more time with my boyfriend.

I'll be 50 next year, my advice is forget the boyfriend!

I'm married (25 years next week) but dang if this doesn't work out LOL I'm not wasting my time with another man. Especially since I'm not having more children. You could marry some guy and die before him and his kids could get their hands on YOUR kid's inheritance! Or he could go downhill medically and you could miss your grandchildrens' lives taking care of this guy.

But the other stuff on your list sounds good

You could die and your husband remarries. Then all the family assets end up with the step mother. That's what happened to us. He even put her name on our childhood family vacation condo on the ocean. Might want to talk to a estate planner about that. Be careful you could get life insurance for your kids and then you spouse could cancel them. My best friend died a few years back and her kids got nothing. We don't even talk to her husband anymore, and we thought he was a good friend and husband, lol. NOT

Try the free Science of Well-being course on Coursera. It’s about 20 min a day for 5 weeks and then just meditate daily for 4 to see if it helps you.

Do Tara Brach’s Wednesday night meditation sessions and dharma talks. She is a treasure in this area. TaraBrach.com. Try it for 6-8 weeks. Be sure to have some exercise routine, even something short and simple. You are more valued and more valuable than you know.

Anonymous wrote:What advice would any of you give to a 40 something woman with one child in preparing for 50. My goals
-Pay off my home
- Retire
-Save for kids college
-Spend more time with my boyfriend.

Spend more time with your kid. Time flies. These years are precious. There’s time for the other stuff.

What are you on here for? 50 is not old?

Anonymous wrote:Be happy with average.
Most of the population is average but decent .

It’s harder to feel way in the DMV and especially reading sites like DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:What advice would any of you give to a 40 something woman with one child in preparing for 50. My goals
-Pay off my home
- Retire
-Save for kids college
-Spend more time with my boyfriend.

I'll be 50 next year, my advice is forget the boyfriend!

I'm married (25 years next week) but dang if this doesn't work out LOL I'm not wasting my time with another man. Especially since I'm not having more children. You could marry some guy and die before him and his kids could get their hands on YOUR kid's inheritance! Or he could go downhill medically and you could miss your grandchildrens' lives taking care of this guy.

But the other stuff on your list sounds good

Anonymous wrote:The months up to 50 sucked. Once it came and went, it was a big nothing. Just get passed the birthday, OP.

I found the same thing. I was even pissed my husband made such a big deal about my bday---huge, expensive catered surprise party...multiple dinners at hottest restaurants...I just wanted to crawl under the covers and hide. I also lost a parent the year before and was very down.

It's 6 months later and I feel great. I look back and can't believe I was so down. I also look and feel better than I have in a long time. Gave up drinking alcohol 4 months ago. 6-pack is back!

Anonymous wrote:Be happy with average.
Most of the population is average but decent .

+1 agree... I think too many people have too high expectations about life. Most of us won't achieve any greatness, and that's ok. Your life has meaning if you are a friend/parent/spouse/child to someone, which most of us are.

I heard a story about a guy who was not wealthy, was single, very ordinary, lived a very ordinary life, but he was a kind person who had many friends because of his kindness, and when he died, hundreds of people showed up to his funeral. He touched so many lives by just being kind to people.

I'm turning 50 this fall. I've had a decent career, but it could've been better. We are financially secure. I have two teens and a DH who still loves and desires me. I don't have many friends, but this life I've carved out for myself is better than what most people have. I came from an immigrant, low income family, and believe me, most Americans have great lives compared to probably more than half the world population.

If you are looking for meaning, I think volunteering is a great way to find it.

Anonymous wrote:What advice would any of you give to a 40 something woman with one child in preparing for 50. My goals
-Pay off my home
- Retire
-Save for kids college
-Spend more time with my boyfriend.

Your health is your wealth

Reviving this to see how op is doing and also seeking encouragement because I am feeling the birthday blues as I approach 50. The pandemic and all the associated fear and upheaval of normalcy is getting me down today, too.

For me, 50 was great. I finally divorced at 47 and married again right before my 50th birthday. I had an amazing honeymoon/birthday in Mallorca, Spain. I've always been physically fit. It's hard when I realize that I just can't go as hard as I used to and that I have aches and pains that I never thought I'd have. I also need a ton more sleep. I can't look fresh with 6 hours of sleep. I need 8+. It's those types of changes that I am adjusting to.

For me, 50 was good. In that I was just ecstatic to wake up and be 50.

Shortly after my 49th birthdays I was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. I was told not to look at statistics, because everyone is different. That summer, while dealing with the cancer (literally, while waiting for an infusion at the hospital), I started having severe chest pains. Grabbed my chest, and asked for help, then passed out.

The infusion center was in the hospital. I woke up about 18 minutes later, in a Cath lab. They had cleared a blockage and reset my heart. Had I been at home, I would not have survived.

4 months later was my 50th....I had a party planned where I was going to take 30 or so friends to a restaurant. But that morning, the cold rain became wintery mix. My sister, who and father, who traveled from the west coast, came to my house, but the party was canceled. I did not care. I was just happy to be alive.

Birthdays are what you make of it..

Be happy with average.
Most of the population is average but decent .

I know this is a cliche, but what's the alternative? That's what gets me through it. I know moms who died before they turned 50 and they'd have given anything to be with their kids.