Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't love her anymore I"m just afraid of her.

Yes this exactly.

Me too. Divorced. Horrible, three-year scorched earth divorce.

The world is so peaceful and orderly without him - six years post-divorce.

Can you recommend a good attorney? Heading for scorched earth scenario I think...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the disorder is narcissism, you don't. You let go and go no contact. They aren't capable of healthy relationships. Best to end it ASAP. Save yourself.

I am NP but have asked many times for someone to help me figure out if my DH is a narcissist or just has many narcissistic tendencies like his (suspected) narcissist mother. Is there some trick for knowing if it's innate or just learned behavior?

Narcissists have the disorder because of childhood trauma so if a child has a narcissist parent I suppose it would seem as if it is learned behavior when really the child is traumatized because of the parent's behavior. There's nothing innate about narcissism. It is born from an unhealthy life experience.

I fell hard for someone who turned out to have highly Narcissistic tendencies (or more accurately, I fell in love with the false self that love-bombed and soul-mated me). Then the devalue/discard cycles started. I started researching what relationships with Narcissists are like and realized a healthy relationship would never be possible. She was broken inside and the abuse would continue until I ended it. She's the most attractive person I've ever met, but intellectually, I realize that alluring personality was formulated expressly to initially captivate and then control me. I understand the origins of her NPD are from childhood trauma. I'm sympathetic, but she'd only exploit my sympathy as weakness instead of leveraging my love and support to help heal herself. Love to her is how I make her feel about herself. She never loved me - only the reflection of herself in my eyes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't love her anymore I"m just afraid of her.

Yes this exactly.

Me too. Divorced. Horrible, three-year scorched earth divorce.

The world is so peaceful and orderly without him - six years post-divorce.

DH's ex wife has BPD and bipolar. They met very young and were together over 15 years. He knew she had issues but hoped therapy and meds would stabilize her. He is a loyal and supportive person but her self-centeredness and lack of reciprocity eventually eroded his love for her. The unbearable part was that she is a truly terrible mother, and that destroys a spouse's respect. So what really ultimately killed the marriage is that he felt he had to end the marriage to protect his kids. It's one thing not to like how you are treated, but another to worry about how your kids are treated or the example they see.

Anonymous wrote:Exhausted all of the time and eventually had an affair- not an excuse but is what it is. Trying to work through that with the personality disorder. Not sure why most days.

I went down this path, too.

Exhausted all of the time and eventually had an affair- not an excuse but is what it is. Trying to work through that with the personality disorder. Not sure why most days.