My husband was like this for awhile. He also complained about me asking him to watch the kids so I could clean and do laundry, tasks that he was certainly not volunteering to do. (And we did both work full-time and earn the same amount.) He had that same attitude of "you make me do stuff/it's not faaaair" when I was the one making sure the kids were watched, we had groceries, laundry and dishes were done, etc., and I would have loved for him to come up with a plan for any of those, or even just not default to ignoring the kids.

It did actually get a lot better. We did therapy and also I made it clear I wasn't going to put up with it. (There were other issues as well.) I wouldn't say he's, like, the most proactive human, but he's stepped up around the house and with the kids in a big way that's made everything doable. I can't say what part of this worked. Like, we did have a lot of conversations where I made clear that he was being ridiculous, and the therapist never said that, but she asked some pointed questions. He realized that he was taking his resentment of the change in lifestyle associated with having kids out on me and that it wasn't ok.

OP, is your DH a police officer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to grow up and get on some meds.

and find some good married couple friends with strong father figures. men need other role models/good influences around to help them be their best selves. some men join support groups, like fellowship groups through churches, or community groups. when the kids get to schoolage, dads often come together for coaching, etc.

but I've seen too often, men slip into weak, useless complainers without a support network. Women more naturally embrace motherhood, whereas men don't always, and then rely on their wife for everything. You need more people than just you to tell him to Man Up!

Rah, rah, women rule, men drool, whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

And yet these men expect Social Security, pensions, and health insurance when they are old. Those things will only be provided by the people who are still working and paying into the system, i.e., The children raised by someone else.

They paid into SS. They earned and saved for their pensions and insurance. They deserve them even if they don't breed.

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

And yet these men expect Social Security, pensions, and health insurance when they are old. Those things will only be provided by the people who are still working and paying into the system, i.e., The children raised by someone else.

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to grow up and get on some meds.

and find some good married couple friends with strong father figures. men need other role models/good influences around to help them be their best selves. some men join support groups, like fellowship groups through churches, or community groups. when the kids get to schoolage, dads often come together for coaching, etc.

but I've seen too often, men slip into weak, useless complainers without a support network. Women more naturally embrace motherhood, whereas men don't always, and then rely on their wife for everything. You need more people than just you to tell him to Man Up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

you're an idiot, seriously.

+1

I think it is the POS Fairfax Underground people who are posting here. Probably an InCel.

Duh! No.

You married a loser. You are stuck with him at least during the pandemic.

Tell him to grow up and get on some meds.

My ex-H was exactly like this. It drove me absolutely nuts. When we divorced, he asked for very little custody, and sometimes goes a month without seeing the kids. So, I'm still doing 100% the child care and working FT, but now I don't feel any resentment. I don't have to see him just sitting around, surfing the internet while I take care of everyone's needs. He's happy to be free of his family responsibilities. I am happier to have a babysitter watch my kids every once in a while -- at least she doesn't complain about having the responsibility!

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

you're an idiot, seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really - all dads?

Sorry, your anti-man attitude is such a turn off and it makes me realize there is likely another side to the story. Misandry is no better than misogyny

I think my frustration with the situation is coming out more than I intended as I type. I must admit this is therapeutic.
I am aware that not ALL dads are like this.
I was trying to discern if this tension still exists in families when you take away the ADHD, the anxiety, alcohol abuse.

I find it hard to beleive you have never encountered any decent men in your life.

It is like a man posting asking 'Are all women b*tches when they have their periods?' It is just a really sexist view to have. Men are not inherently bad people and given you have kids, that really isn't a message you should be giving them.

Of course I have encountered many great men. But I also know that people don’t routinely talk about arguments/ annoyances with their spouses. I’m trying to get some perspective for my own situation.

DCUM will give you a distorted perspective. The only women who post on DCUM are the ones who despise their husbands and come here to complain about how lazy and worthless their man-baby DHs are.

OP my husband adores our kids and would get up at 5.30 in the morning to feed them (when aged 1 & 2) because that was his chance before going to work for very long days.

He has spent his weekends arranging everything around their entertainment and learning.

This is normal.

He doesn't drink or take any meds, smoke or even drink caffeine.

But when we were first dating he drank and smoked. He put childish things away when he grew up.

This man you're with is not a good father and husband.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not normal and the reason I am divorcing my kids’ dad. It doesn’t get better, and it’s a very unattractive trait.

Plus one. Ready to call it quits. Op, your husband sounds exactly like mine. When I threatened to leave, he shapes up for a couple of weeks or month max. He is an asshole man baby. Exhausting, really.

No. According to the MRA troll on Special Concerns, all men desperately want to be the primary caregiver and women won’t let them. You must be confused about the dads’ refusal to care for their own children. It probably like those birds that pretend their wing is broken to lure predators away from the nest.