Anonymous wrote:Single moms are barely holding it together as is. My bet is the virus will make them regret primary custody lol

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Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with OP for our own personal situation. Thank goodness the stay at home order specifies travel is allowed for court orders, but if it didn't, I'm 100% sure bio mom would cease exchanges. We have over a month off from school - DH would love the opportunity to get more time with DS instead of every other weekend. Our situation is a bit different where both parents are fully capable of taking care of the child, but bio mom just wants the control. It's not a situation where DH is a jerk or unreliable or unstable. It sucks, "bigly".

If your DH is such a great, competent, and involved parent, why did he agree to every other weekend?

I'm always amazed by these 2nd wives who just believe every lie their husband gives them about their ex-partners, and never stop to apply common sense or logic to the story.

If you must know...they were in their very early 20s when they had their child. Bio mom was living with her parents and was a SAHM while DH was living with his parents, working and going to school full time. The court decided that such a young child (child was around 6-9 months old at that time) needed to be primarily with mom. Courts told bio mom and my DH to come back once the child was school aged to revisit the schedule. DH had a pro bono lawyer and looking back now, he didn't really understand how the court system worked.

Oh, and I don't just believe every "lie" my DH tells about his ex. DH and I were really good friends (no, I'm not the OW) well before he even knew his ex, so I watched it all unfold firsthand.

Please come to the realization that there really are some great guys out there that are great fathers and are literally just not given the chance because court systems generally favor mothers and often look at black men as criminals.

I hear you. My brother spent ten years fighting for custody. His ex wife had lots of issues and he was by far the more stable, primary parent but the courts still favored her solely due to her sex. It wasn't until the kids were old enough to have a say and they started refusing to go to their mom's and they asked that dad get custody that he got it. His kids were very damaged y those ten years. Their relationship with their mother improved significantly after they were able to live with dad full time and be in a stable home and know that they could come back after visiting mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with OP for our own personal situation. Thank goodness the stay at home order specifies travel is allowed for court orders, but if it didn't, I'm 100% sure bio mom would cease exchanges. We have over a month off from school - DH would love the opportunity to get more time with DS instead of every other weekend. Our situation is a bit different where both parents are fully capable of taking care of the child, but bio mom just wants the control. It's not a situation where DH is a jerk or unreliable or unstable. It sucks, "bigly".

What you are saying, it seems, is that the mom is following court order (however reluctantly), but your DH wants to deviate from the order and get more time. That is not the same as what OP said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with OP for our own personal situation. Thank goodness the stay at home order specifies travel is allowed for court orders, but if it didn't, I'm 100% sure bio mom would cease exchanges. We have over a month off from school - DH would love the opportunity to get more time with DS instead of every other weekend. Our situation is a bit different where both parents are fully capable of taking care of the child, but bio mom just wants the control. It's not a situation where DH is a jerk or unreliable or unstable. It sucks, "bigly".

If your DH is such a great, competent, and involved parent, why did he agree to every other weekend?

I'm always amazed by these 2nd wives who just believe every lie their husband gives them about their ex-partners, and never stop to apply common sense or logic to the story.

If you must know...they were in their very early 20s when they had their child. Bio mom was living with her parents and was a SAHM while DH was living with his parents, working and going to school full time. The court decided that such a young child (child was around 6-9 months old at that time) needed to be primarily with mom. Courts told bio mom and my DH to come back once the child was school aged to revisit the schedule. DH had a pro bono lawyer and looking back now, he didn't really understand how the court system worked.

Oh, and I don't just believe every "lie" my DH tells about his ex. DH and I were really good friends (no, I'm not the OW) well before he even knew his ex, so I watched it all unfold firsthand.

Please come to the realization that there really are some great guys out there that are great fathers and are literally just not given the chance because court systems generally favor mothers and often look at black men as criminals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with OP for our own personal situation. Thank goodness the stay at home order specifies travel is allowed for court orders, but if it didn't, I'm 100% sure bio mom would cease exchanges. We have over a month off from school - DH would love the opportunity to get more time with DS instead of every other weekend. Our situation is a bit different where both parents are fully capable of taking care of the child, but bio mom just wants the control. It's not a situation where DH is a jerk or unreliable or unstable. It sucks, "bigly".

If your DH is such a great, competent, and involved parent, why did he agree to every other weekend?

I'm always amazed by these 2nd wives who just believe every lie their husband gives them about their ex-partners, and never stop to apply common sense or logic to the story.

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Anonymous wrote:Maybe the reluctant parent has a good reason to be concerned about the child’s well-being? My ex had boasted that he isn’t social distancing. He didn’t buy any supplies. I sent my child to Dad’s with groceries and wipes. She texted me midday that the WiFi there isn’t working so she couldn’t get anything done. I guess I need to provide a hotspot as well? Certainly can’t expect him to do so. He just wants to avoid losing any overnight stays because he’s afraid that will increase his child support. He paid $100 in March and I sent our child to his house with $150 in groceries and cleaning supplies. I wasn’t a math major, but that doesn’t sound like I’m denying him 50/50 for financial reasons.

Lots of people didn't prepare and buy supplies. We didn't. No big deal. We ordered the basics that we couldn't get at the store online and went to the store to buy them. Paying a lot in child support is a huge hit for many Dad's, especially if they are paying alimony and clothing, activities and health care. Granted there are fathers not paying all that but many are. Its often more than 1/2 their take home.

And there are also plenty of dads ordered to pay child support who don’t pay at all. If they did not want to financially support a child, they shouldn’t have had one. Life is hardly a cake walk for most single moms and you know it. Cut the crap.

It takes two to have a child. He cannot exactly terminate the pregnancy. There are plenty of Dad's who do pay child support and would gladly take full custody but people seem more intent on tearing men down rather than supporting and encoring them.

THIS. My DH would continue to pay bio mom $1400/mo and have his child 100% of the time. It isn't about the money. He just wants to be with his child.

Has he fought for full custody? Because if it is bad for “biomoms” to want full custody of the dad is deemed fit by the courts, why isn’t it bad for your DH to deny the child knowing the mom? You said both were competent.

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with OP for our own personal situation. Thank goodness the stay at home order specifies travel is allowed for court orders, but if it didn't, I'm 100% sure bio mom would cease exchanges. We have over a month off from school - DH would love the opportunity to get more time with DS instead of every other weekend. Our situation is a bit different where both parents are fully capable of taking care of the child, but bio mom just wants the control. It's not a situation where DH is a jerk or unreliable or unstable. It sucks, "bigly".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with OP for our own personal situation. Thank goodness the stay at home order specifies travel is allowed for court orders, but if it didn't, I'm 100% sure bio mom would cease exchanges. We have over a month off from school - DH would love the opportunity to get more time with DS instead of every other weekend. Our situation is a bit different where both parents are fully capable of taking care of the child, but bio mom just wants the control. It's not a situation where DH is a jerk or unreliable or unstable. It sucks, "bigly".

What you are saying, it seems, is that the mom is following court order (however reluctantly), but your DH wants to deviate from the order and get more time. That is not the same as what OP said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the reluctant parent has a good reason to be concerned about the child’s well-being? My ex had boasted that he isn’t social distancing. He didn’t buy any supplies. I sent my child to Dad’s with groceries and wipes. She texted me midday that the WiFi there isn’t working so she couldn’t get anything done. I guess I need to provide a hotspot as well? Certainly can’t expect him to do so. He just wants to avoid losing any overnight stays because he’s afraid that will increase his child support. He paid $100 in March and I sent our child to his house with $150 in groceries and cleaning supplies. I wasn’t a math major, but that doesn’t sound like I’m denying him 50/50 for financial reasons.

Lots of people didn't prepare and buy supplies. We didn't. No big deal. We ordered the basics that we couldn't get at the store online and went to the store to buy them. Paying a lot in child support is a huge hit for many Dad's, especially if they are paying alimony and clothing, activities and health care. Granted there are fathers not paying all that but many are. Its often more than 1/2 their take home.

And there are also plenty of dads ordered to pay child support who don’t pay at all. If they did not want to financially support a child, they shouldn’t have had one. Life is hardly a cake walk for most single moms and you know it. Cut the crap.

It takes two to have a child. He cannot exactly terminate the pregnancy. There are plenty of Dad's who do pay child support and would gladly take full custody but people seem more intent on tearing men down rather than supporting and encoring them.

THIS. My DH would continue to pay bio mom $1400/mo and have his child 100% of the time. It isn't about the money. He just wants to be with his child.