It makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, especially after I have done some of the things that I know make her feel loved and appreciated. I have specifically mentioned that this is the thing that will most make me feel loved, and that sexual needs are totally normal, and so she knows very well how important this is to me. And then she utterly disregards that. So it feels terrible and make me feel hurt and lonely.

I know how i could end the loneliness but I haven't gone down that slippery slope yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?

My DW almost never initiates. Over the 10 years we've been together, maybe she's initiated 5-6 times. So, I am getting rejected left and right with excuses (I'm tired, I just went to the bathroom, etc.). I usually keep at it but I just get frustrated and stop initiating. That hasn't worked because she just retreats even further.,

"I just went to the bathroom" is a legitimate excuse. Dude. She used parts near her lady parts. They need a 7-10 hour rest after that.

Not sure if serious. She also uses the "I went #2 this morning" as another one. So, basically, she has to be recently showered to even have a possibility of anything.

Anonymous wrote:In my early 30s, I used to be in "problem solving mode" which was 'how can we fix this' - or "I bet this will get better when kids get older

In my late 30s I would get resentful that things never got better.

In my mid 40s I don't initiate and we are on a 3 month drought and I don't really want to have sex with her anymore. After a while you stop seeing your spouse as a sexual person if they reject you. I posted elsewhere our marriage is actually somewhat better without the initiation/rejection cycle. For now, I would rather be celibate and see my kids everyday but I know it's not sustainable in the long term.

Very different here.

The desire doesn’t go away, it feels like torture yet I’m not interested in an AP etc, so getting turned down again and again leads to wondering whether DW (60, healthy, hot) cares enough to compromise vs her desires (dwindled to near nothing). We’re both healthy and I have high sexual desire for her specifically, not interested in APs etc.

But at some point soon I (65, healthy, not overweight, high sex drive) may decide that she/we have to decide to either change the dynamic, or else part. It’s more painful/torture to have your desired lover (after 30+ years still) make themselves unavailable. I’m not concerned DW is cheating, fwiw. Nor am I interested in the modern social minefield.

A seven hour rest after going to the bathroom huh?? You are joking, right? I’m a woman and I’ve never heard of this. If you can’t have sex after going to the bathroom you need to revisit your wiping skills or drastically change your diet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?

My DW almost never initiates. Over the 10 years we've been together, maybe she's initiated 5-6 times. So, I am getting rejected left and right with excuses (I'm tired, I just went to the bathroom, etc.). I usually keep at it but I just get frustrated and stop initiating. That hasn't worked because she just retreats even further.,

"I just went to the bathroom" is a legitimate excuse. Dude. She used parts near her lady parts. They need a 7-10 hour rest after that.

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?

My DW almost never initiates. Over the 10 years we've been together, maybe she's initiated 5-6 times. So, I am getting rejected left and right with excuses (I'm tired, I just went to the bathroom, etc.). I usually keep at it but I just get frustrated and stop initiating. That hasn't worked because she just retreats even further.,

I got tired of being turned down and my divorce was final a few weeks ago and until it was final I was not going to date because "being separated" is a non-starter for many women and I didn't want to have two strikes against me coming out of the gate. Now I'm sheltered in place and may not be able to date for a few months which is just my luck. But a friend said that there are a ton of single women sheltering in place who may feel the same way and that when this ends it could be a dating frenzy....I hope so.

Anonymous wrote:^^ what he said. I am there too, 44. Ugh.

^^ I'm 48. This was me for several years. We separated 15 months ago and the divorce should be final any day now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurt, angry, unappreciated, unattractive. Need I say more?

Stop farting and burping and grabbing your nuts like you’re alone. Try making love to her instead of just pouncing. Take her out. Give her time to make herself feel attractive. Talk to her like you’re not always right. Stop making her do 100% of the emotional labor.
Yes, women tire of their husbands. You need to be playful and give her imagination space so she can be motivated to have sex with you again. Sorry but this is the truth.
She has responsibilities too. She needs to pull her weight without complaint, tell you you’re sexy, flirt, do thoughtful things. Just thought you’d want the woman’s perspective too.

Oh, did you forget to read the fine print in the marriage contract that says you, the dancing monkey, will have to dance faster and faster and faster as her interest inexorably declines? Too bad for you. Now dance, monkry, dance!

Does taking your wife out sometimes and watching your own children for a few minutes while she makes herself attractive really make you feel like a dancing monkey?
What did you think your life would be like when you got married and had children? Did you think it would be exactly the same as being alone except that you now have a clean home, cooked meals, nightly sex, and double the income? You never thought she would want anything in return? Not even that you recognize her existence and don’t fart in front of her?

What are you talking about? Maybe start your own thread? OP asked men what they feel when they get turned down. OP did not ask about you and your martyrdom. You seem to hate your husband and your life. These are all things you chose. You are not a princess and the world does not revolve around you. I know this is hard but think about someone else besides yourself.

Before entering menopause, DW developed insecurities about her increasing weight. This, coupled with other natural changes, negatively impacts her desire to be sexual.

Though she really hates her weight, I'm certain that I'm more attracted to her fuller figure. She refuses to believe me. So the sex life we once celebrated has withered away.

I absolutely love the life we've made together, but if I'm honest with myself, I miss that part of me (us). Like PPs said, it's a lonely place. When I view porn, I look for women with full figures who remind me of my DW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurt, angry, unappreciated, unattractive. Need I say more?

Stop farting and burping and grabbing your nuts like you’re alone. Try making love to her instead of just pouncing. Take her out. Give her time to make herself feel attractive. Talk to her like you’re not always right. Stop making her do 100% of the emotional labor.
Yes, women tire of their husbands. You need to be playful and give her imagination space so she can be motivated to have sex with you again. Sorry but this is the truth.
She has responsibilities too. She needs to pull her weight without complaint, tell you you’re sexy, flirt, do thoughtful things. Just thought you’d want the woman’s perspective too.

Oh, did you forget to read the fine print in the marriage contract that says you, the dancing monkey, will have to dance faster and faster and faster as her interest inexorably declines? Too bad for you. Now dance, monkry, dance!

Does taking your wife out sometimes and watching your own children for a few minutes while she makes herself attractive really make you feel like a dancing monkey?
What did you think your life would be like when you got married and had children? Did you think it would be exactly the same as being alone except that you now have a clean home, cooked meals, nightly sex, and double the income? You never thought she would want anything in return? Not even that you recognize her existence and don’t fart in front of her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women actually enjoy the cruel feeling of power they get from rejecting their husband and watching him slink away.

Nope. Clearly you don’t understand women. Could this be your issue at home?

LOL it is women who don't understand women. That is why the last person a man should ask about women is a woman. (Listening, OP?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurt, angry, unappreciated, unattractive. Need I say more?

Stop farting and burping and grabbing your nuts like you’re alone. Try making love to her instead of just pouncing. Take her out. Give her time to make herself feel attractive. Talk to her like you’re not always right. Stop making her do 100% of the emotional labor.
Yes, women tire of their husbands. You need to be playful and give her imagination space so she can be motivated to have sex with you again. Sorry but this is the truth.
She has responsibilities too. She needs to pull her weight without complaint, tell you you’re sexy, flirt, do thoughtful things. Just thought you’d want the woman’s perspective too.

Oh, did you forget to read the fine print in the marriage contract that says you, the dancing monkey, will have to dance faster and faster and faster as her interest inexorably declines? Too bad for you. Now dance, monkry, dance!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women actually enjoy the cruel feeling of power they get from rejecting their husband and watching him slink away.

No.

Yes. Every man has experienced this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hurt, angry, unappreciated, unattractive. Need I say more?

Stop farting and burping and grabbing your nuts like you’re alone. Try making love to her instead of just pouncing. Take her out. Give her time to make herself feel attractive. Talk to her like you’re not always right. Stop making her do 100% of the emotional labor.
Yes, women tire of their husbands. You need to be playful and give her imagination space so she can be motivated to have sex with you again. Sorry but this is the truth.
She has responsibilities too. She needs to pull her weight without complaint, tell you you’re sexy, flirt, do thoughtful things. Just thought you’d want the woman’s perspective too.

LOL wow women have it so easy. The world just revolves around their little finger.

that's what they'd like to think...but really, no