Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:34     Subject: Re:Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
I always leave the room if I’m on a call with someone chatting (other than a quick logistics call). I think it is rude to the person I am in the room with to be on a phone call with someone else. I also think it is important that the person I am speaking with on the phone knows that they can speak with me about things without someone else hearing part of the conversation. With my parents, I want for them to be able to share questions with me and for me to be able to answer without them feeling that my kids or husband are listening. my mom used to ask me my thoughts on things that are pretty private to her, and I don’t think she would have if she thought there was someone standing next to me hearing my responses. Same thing with my dad these days.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:34     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
soexcited123 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.

My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.


I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage


As a former MIL (my son has been divorced for five years) I can tell you what they are talking about: You.

You might think this is inappropriate or whatever but you know why he's doing it. There are issues in the marriage and much as you would wish he would just address them with you he has decided to confide in his mother and get counsel from her.

So, there you go. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:34     Subject: Re:Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Anonymous wrote:I leave the room when on the phone and generally prefer DH does the same (he does) unless it is a super quick convo

I wouldn’t think much of it.


Agreed. I get irritated when I have to listen to someone talk on the phone.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:31     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Anonymous wrote:My husband leaves the room when he talks to his parents. I do the same. We've been married 20 years. I don't think it's a big deal.


Same here. I never gave it a second thought. Sometimes I think it is just weird knowing other people are listening. The only person my husband talks to on the phone is his mom.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:31     Subject: Re:Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
I leave the room when on the phone and generally prefer DH does the same (he does) unless it is a super quick convo

I wouldn’t think much of it.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:28     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
It's rude to talk on the phone when another person is in the room. It doesn't mean he's confiding anything. He's practicing good manners. Op, please get some help before your insecurity, paranoia, And controlling ways ruin your marriage.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:27     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Wait is OP the same nutjob who is convinced that once they are married everything is always the two of them. No relationships with family can exist unless both are included. She posted recently but maybe now has a username
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:22     Subject: Re:Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
I leave the room if I’m having a phone conversation, as do others in my home. It’s rude to interrupt people with half a phone conversation. Sometimes we talk to one set of our parents on speaker together, but only if there aren’t others in the room.
soexcited123
Post 03/29/2020 20:19     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.

My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.


I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage
soexcited123
Post 03/29/2020 20:14     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Anonymous wrote:It's incredibly rude to have a conversation on the phone with someone else in the room, and it's beyond rude to listen in on someone's conversation. So most normal people leave the room when they're on the phone.

Marriage doesn't mean you cease to be able to have your own relationship with your family of origin. My husband has his relationship with his parents, I in turn have a separate, different relationship with them. He has his own relationship with my mother, I have mine. What he's not entitled to is MY relationship with my mother, which you seem to think is fair game after marriage. It's not.


You sre misquoting me where did you get that I was saying marriage means you don't have a relationship with your family of origin? Or what do you mean by me thinking I'm entitled to his relationship with his mother? Yes I think he shouldn't be confiding in his mother about things and hiding them or not telling me. I don't know what is so serious or deep in the mother son relationship that they need this big private convo. What do they talk about? Maybe this also has to do with the fact even after we got engaged she planned a family vacay and specifically told my fiance not to bring me never addressed my name on any xmas cards to him or made me feel welcome into the family.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:10     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.

My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:10     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Good lord OP. Simmer the hell down.
Almost everyone is telling you you're controlling and this isn't normal. Don't post if you don't want to hear people's responses. Lashing out at strangers on the internet isn't going to improve your situation.
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:08     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
^^ That was a NP
soexcited123
Post 03/29/2020 20:03     Subject: Re:Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
Anonymous wrote:
soexcited123 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I always leave the room when I’m talking to my mom. My DH doesn’t care. You sound a bit controlling and transparency is not always a good thing. Let your poor husband breath. I’m extremely close to my grown son and we talk everyday. I wouldn’t be too thrilled with his wife if she made him feel uncomfortable with this .


Well it sounds like you have some boundary issues with your son. Everydat how about taking your own advice and let your grown son breathe. Also you say you wouldn't be happy if your sons wife gave gim a hard time well what goes on in their marriage is not your business. Also why would transparency not be a good thing? Part of a marriage is being transparent. If my husband talked to his mom everyday I wohld feel like he didn't fully cut the cord. Also why wouldn't you wanna talk to your DIL? Isn't she family as well.


Wow. You're.... interesting.


What kind of response is that? You are literally the pot calling the kettle black by saying to let.my husband breathe but you call your grown son everyday and dont even wanna include your DIL. It sounds like you can't let your grown son breathe in his marriage. Also you never answered any of my qiestions
Anonymous
Post 03/29/2020 20:03     Subject: Husband leaves room to talk to MIL
soexcited123 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it's respectful to leave the room if you are going to be a phone call. No one likes listening to 1/2 of a conversation and I'd rather read my book, do my work, watch TV in peace.


Privacy? What we he be talking to his mom about that he couldn't talk to me about. Call me crazy but yes I expect my husband to tell me everything and not hide things.


Everyone is allowed private things. Even from their wives and husbands. I'm going to talk to my mom and complain about my dh farting up a storm the other day. You gave every conversation in front of hour dh and retell him every conversation you ever have? I hope my dh doesn't tell me everything, we have a long life together, loads of time to learn new things and he's entitled to his own through the that doesn't agree with mine and don't have to be shared (I'm assuming they're not undermining our life together).